update – Am I the bad one for not wanting to stay home with my boyfriend’s nephew?
A Reddit user shared their frustration about their sister-in-law repeatedly ignoring their request not to bring food to seasonal dinner parties due to family allergies and a carefully planned menu. Despite being reminded multiple times, the sister-in-law brought food again, leading to a confrontation when the host threw it away. Read the full story below to decide if the host’s actions were justified or not.
‘ update – Am I the bad one for not wanting to stay home with my boyfriend’s nephew?’
Hi, I’m sorry for not telling you how things went after I left the house. I wasn’t getting notifications, and things got difficult for me. Here’s what happened: when I left, my now ex called me, and I told him I was in the city. He asked how many days I’d stay, and I told him the truth that I wouldn’t be going back. He said he couldn’t accept it 😳.
He said that for just one mistake he made, I couldn’t throw everything we had away. He apologized for asking me to take care of the child, but I told him it was too late.
My mom didn’t know, and she was happy to have me back at home. When I told her what happened, she insulted me. I can’t write everything she said here the mildest thing was “useless.” Use your imagination for the rest.
She called my ex and told him to come for me because I would be going back with him. I didn’t know about this until he showed up and told me that’s why he came. My mom gave me two options: I could leave with him or without him, but I had to leave.
I packed my things and went to an aunt’s house, and yesterday I was finally able to move in with a roommate. But before all this, my mom had been fighting with my ex and even threatened him. Even though we started dating when I was 18 and made it official at 19, I had known him since I was 17 nothing happened back then, we just knew each other. My mom threatened to report him if I didn’t go back with him.
My ex offered me a sum of money, even though we weren’t married, and I could technically demand it. I told him no. He still deposits money into my account, and it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like he thinks it’s a way to get back together with me.
I can’t count on my mom, and my dad says I’m an adult and not his problem. When I refused the money over the cohabitation, my mom came to my aunt’s house and caused a scene. My aunt says I should take the money and that I’m an i**ot for not doing it.
Although he behaved badly by expecting me to take care of his nephew, I don’t want to take advantage of him. I feel like he already did a lot by supporting me through university.
I don’t want to talk to my mother again. I know it’s wrong for a child to say that, but she doesn’t care what happens to me. I feel like I need lifelong therapy after everything she said to me and what I went through those days. Even breaking up with my ex didn’t hurt me that much, I don’t even hate him.
Check out how the community responded:
Sweet-Interview5620 − So he’s love bombing you and trying to keep exerting control over you to keep you reliant on him financially. A 30 year old was attracted to a child. He prevented you from working and cut you off from all your hobbies and made sure you had no independance.
Your mum watched you being groomed and supported it as she either wanted his money or wanted you out of her house. Either way something was in it for her and it’s why she’s now trying to b**ckmail you.
Honestly go to the police and let them know your mums trying to b**ckmail you and threatening to make false claims to the police unless you stay with a man who is controlling and a**sive to you. Yes it is still classed as abuse as he’s controlled ever aspect of your life till you no longer know yourself.
Make sure to have recorded a conversation where she makes the threat or get it on text from her. Up to you if you press charges or just let the police visit and warn her that b**ckmail is illegal and she will be charged if she doesn’t cease and desist and that making false claims are against the law.
Then step back from all of them. They don’t care about you in the slightest and it’s disgusting what they have done to you. Sorry your family don’t actually live you and have no morals or care for you. At least your Aunt helped a bit.
Also go to a completely different bank and open a new account. Then go to your old one and transfer all his money back to him before closing the account down completely. You don’t want him sending money behind your back so you take action and prevent it.
Now he is so controlling that I’d make sure to get a security camera for outside your flat. I’d also talk to your university and let them know it was an a**sive relationship and that no one your family nor ex are allowed any info about you nor your course.
That no one is allowed to say your dropping out or to pay for your next semester but you. No matter what their excuse as it will only be to b**ckmail you and force some control over you and your life. Then message him once more it’s over I want nothing to do with you ever again.
If you attempt to contact me, see me, follow me or try and get involved in my new life, or send me any more money. I will get my new lawyer to begin proceedings to have you charged with harassment and stalking. It ends now and he has no choice as you will never talk to him again. It’s over your done having your life being totally controlled by him. Then block him on everything.
xanif − Your mom needs to pick a lane. I’m struggling to follow her actions or motivations.
Good_Objective_6892 − Wow. Your mom sounds nuts. Make up her mind, support the “ex” or hate the ex. Dad checks out, money being sent in and not wanted for no real reason that makes sense. Get therapy, d**p your mom. And is the epicenter of this drama. No toxic people. Your instincts on the money are correct. Trust yourself.
iseeisayibe − wtf is wrong with your family? Or is this behavior normal in your culture? You’ve clearly been groomed.
WaferEither7063 − You seem to be surrounded by AHs
ghostoftommyknocker − Others have already offered good advice. My suggestion would be to open a new bank account, close the old one and don’t tell anyone. Ask the bank if they can block transfers from specific accounts, set up that block on your new account.
Not only will it protect your finances, but if he is putting this money into your account as a set up to pull it back, then he won’t be able to do that any more because the only account he knows about won’t exist any more.
Freeze your credit, so he can’t take out cards or loans in your name. The money he has put into your account, put that to one side in a separate secondary account somewhere and don’t touch it.
That way, if he does try to pull a financial rug from under your feet, you can give him back every single penny without it impacting your finances, and then you can close this now empty secondary account without any impact to your main account or finances.
Document all his behaviour and payments, and any evidence you have of trying to stop this, just in case you need it in the future. Also document what he claims the payments, so that he can’t claim it was a loan as opposed to a gift.
That could help you later on if he does try and force you to give it back at an inconvenient time (he might not be able to if the evidence shows he gave it gift like with no expectation of repayment). Talk to a financial advisor or finance lawyer if you can for advice on what he’s doing and how to protect yourself. Follow their advice.
Quiet_Village_1425 − NTA. Go no contact with your mom, dad and ex boyfriend. Find a job and be independent. You can do it!
1RainbowUnicorn − Proud of you for standing up for yourself and getting out. Your mom is an AH. Glad your Aunt could help you until you found a new place. Stand firm in your boundaries and don’t let him manipulate you into going back.
I would be cautious about accepting money from him, because I suspect it may be a manipulation tactic, but I feel like he does kinda owe you some support til you’re back on your feet since ( if I remember correctly) he had you leave your job. Good luck
RemoteViewingLife − NTA keep the money! Think of it as payment for everything this c**ep out you through! He walked all over your boundaries intentionally goes on outings with his family that you’re not welcome at yet you’re good enough to use. That’s how this c**ep sees you. Unfortunately your mother is an emotional a**sive piece of work.
No wonder you accepted your boyfriend’s treatment of you. Get away from all these idiots! Don’t listen if someone says you should accept less than what you give. Tell yourself and mean it I deserve the same kindness, empathy and love that I give. Don’t settle for less!
HuffN_puffN − Sadly there is no rules about close family not being toxic, one way or another. You make the choices needed for your own mental health, that’s always the right choice in life.
Do you think the host was justified in their actions to protect their menu and family’s safety, or was their response unnecessarily harsh? How would you handle a guest who repeatedly ignores your instructions? Share your thoughts below!