Update: AITAH for telling my 19f daughter she will have to move out of my house if i get divorced because of her lies after her stepdad saw her n**ed?
Sorry for only updating now but im not in the best of places at the moment and it has taken me a a couple of days to get my thoughts together. I don’t know what to do anymore. First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/zdphI
‘ Update: AITAH for telling my 19f daughter she will have to move out of my house if i get divorced because of her lies after her stepdad saw her n**ed?’
The article has the next update at the end.
My husband has asked for a divorce. First let me awnser a couple of question i saw coming up rerepeatedly. We Have lockes on every door in the house, i don’t know why my daughter didn’t use the lock on the door. The camaras inside the house isn’t pointed at any door except for the ones pointed at the front door and back door the other camara is at the end of the hall and you can see every door in the hallway from that camara.
We have a bathroom in our room but we can’t use it at the moment, the water is completely shut off due to renovation of the bathroom. My husband has asked for a divorce, on friday he came back home and asked to talk, during our talk he showed me his phone and some of the things my family members were saying about him was just outright horrible.
Calling him a pedo, asking him how many times he has taken a peak before. I don’t recognize any of my family any more. I understand if he actually did something but he hasn’t and the h**red they are showing over a stupid mistake tell me they refuse to listen or they have hated him from the start and is now using this to try and get rid of him.
He said he can’t ever come back and this has now started to effect his work life as well, he was called in to HR to explain because some of my family members have called his office, luckily they haven’t done anything and refuse to do anything untill a case is brought against him. They know my husband very well and i think they believe him as well because he is still working.
During our talk he explained that he does love me and still does and he is happy i stood up for him but my daughter actions have caused to many problems, accusations and made him scared. He explained he sat at the office and at his parents home everyday just waiting for the police to show up and arrest him. He said her lies broke him and he can’t see a way to come back from it.
I asked him to reconsider and that maby we can go for counseling but he also refused saying everything is to broken to fix. I told him that i will kick out my daughter and told him about everything i did and told my daughter to do but he said im missing the point.
His life could have been completely ruined because of a lie, my family will never trust him again and will always harbor h**red or suspicions about him, especially now that my daughter want to clear things so long afterwards they will think we forced her to do it and that will just make things worse. He said he will always remain the c**ep in their eyes.
I asked him what if i cut off my family and we moved away because i was already working on that, i showed him my phone and the message i have sent ever single person sofar that refused to listen and that i blocked them. He asked what about my daughter, i told him again i will be kicking her out and she will be staying with my parents from now on, he asked what if we moved away will i abandon my daughter then because he doesn’t want to be near her or be alone with her at all. I didn’t know what to say about that.
Before i could awnser he said again it’s better for us to get divorced. He said i will never ask you to abandon you daughter, i will never expect you to do something like that but i don’t want her anywhere near me. If you abandon your daughter i don’t know if i could ever look at you the same afterwards even if it was for my sake. The only solution here is for us to get divorced.
My daughter came running down the hallway into the living room, crying i think she was listening to our conversation, before she could get a word out my husband jumped up from the couch and put his hands out and asked her not to get near him. He said before you say anything i will start to record the conversation now and took out his phone, i think i saw something break in my daughter eyes at that moment at the realization of everthing hit her all at once.
She asked my husband to forgive her and she never meant for things to get so out of hand she was just making up scenarios with her cousin and her cousin was the one that ran with it, mu husband asked her why didn’t she clear it up immediately then. She said she did think it will go this far and thought it will just blow over because everyone knows him. He showed her his phone and asked her to read some of the messages and my daughter went completely silent.
We talked for aboy 4 hours at the en my husband said he will give us 3 months to move out of the house because it is his house, my daughter can keep the car because it was a gift and that he will finish paying this years tuition but will not pay anything going forward. He said he hasn’t gotten a lawyer yet but told me to get one, he will like to do this without lawyer but if i want to i can get one. He said he will be fair in thr divorce and doesn’t harbor anything against me but he can’t stay in the relationship.
My daughter was just sitting on the floor looking like a ghost and i couldn’t just say anything listen to him talk about divorce and what will be split and what not like it was nothing. He was talking like the last 5 years was nothing and it was just easy to move on. The best way to describe it was like he was returning something to a store
He left the house and i just sat on the couch i don’t know if i was crying, talking or what i can’t remember much as everthing was muffled around me, until my daughter started to full on crying saying sorry, sorry, sorry over and over again layong on the floor. I don’t know how long i sat on the couch but when i got up i saw my husbands car still in the driveway, i looked out of the window and i could see him full on crying in the car. Seeing that completely broke me.
My daughter and i haven’t talked since my husband was here Friday not a word to each other. My family members have showed up to the house to apologize because apparently my daughter has all of a sudden now cleared everything up and she herself shared the video from the camara with the family members. Evertime they show up i just close the door in their faces, i have gotten facebook, instagram, calls and text from them and when i block them they keep making new account of use different number’s.
I don’t want to loose my husband, i really don’t. This is the first man o have ever met that has actually treated me with kindness, respect and love and now it’s all over. I have tried to talk to him and tried to convince him to go to counseling with me but evertime i have tried he sends back i can’t, i can’t take the risk.
I have tried to meet him in person but he just says it won’t be a good idea, i have gone over to his parents house but they refused to let me see him, i have gone to his work to talk to him but i was told he was sent home by his boss. I truly don’t know how to fix this, having my daughter move out now won’t work because i need to be out of the house as well. I don’t want anything from my husband, i just want him. I haven’t talked to a lawyer yet but i don’t think i can keep the house, he owned it before we moved into the house.
I really want to fix this, i still want to kick my daughter out of the house but will he still give me a chance to fix it even after what my husband said about me abandoning my daughter and not seeing me the same afterwards.
I don’t know anyone, am i really going to loose a wonderful man..
Edit: I forgot how reddit fixates on one thing. The comment about the house i made. I have not intentions of trying to take his house or anything like that it’s not my house, i had questions in my previous post about the house and i think i just awnsered it. Im not going to try and take his house, he owns it and has owned it before we got together. I have no right to the house and will not try to take the house.. I hope this clears it up.
Update 2: https://aita.pics/lGUJn
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Substantial_Ad_2033 − It’s over. Your daughter (and your family) almost destroyed his life – from his perspective he’s probably feeling somewhat grateful that she only destroyed his marriage. Listen – they phoned his work and levelled accusations.. He got pulled into HR. He was sitting at his parents house waiting to be arrested.. That is hugely traumatising. And now you phone him, show up at his parents house, show up at his work…?. Sis. Stop.. It’s over.
VastConsideration126 − Wow! Your daughter really messed up. She ruined your husband’s life, she tanked your marriage, and left you homeless.
VictoryShaft − Quite simply, you can’t fix this. What your daughter did is absolutely horrendous. She has very much ruined your soon-to-be-ex-husband’s reputation and your relationship with one lie. Stop visiting him at work. Stop trying to contact him. Just stop. As hard as this is for you, it’s harder for him. The more you reach out violating his boundaries, the more likely he will build resentment. If you are unable to respect his wishes over contacting him, it’s no wonder why your daughter has boundary issues.
Focus on rebuilding yours and your daughter’s lives fresh, without him. Get therapy for your daughter so she learns to be better. Right now, she’s a dumpster fire. It sounds like he is going to be very kind to you in the divorce.. Updateme.
ApprehensiveIce9026 − Give him all he asked for. He’s being gracious enough to not press charges against your stupid daughter, so let him have his life back.
lychigo − Your daughter needs to take responsibility for the entire thing. She is 19, therefore an adult. Falsely accusing a man, in this day and age, of s**ual a**ault/or pedo or whatever, is a life ender. Your family helped see to that as well. Meaning that whether it was the cousin or your daughter, they decided to put it on blast. That is on you all to get your daughter and cousin to admit it to the family.
It is safest for him to leave you guys.
InfiniteWelder513 − I’m sorry but it’s over! He told you he can’t be around your daughter after what she did to him but also if you abandon your daughter even for him he will never see you the same way. There’s no coming back from this.
And I know how much you’re hurting right now but do you really believe harassing your husband (after what your family has already done to him) is fair to him… leave the poor man alone.
KDLAlumni − The daughter is a p**cho. She’s 19. Not a child. Who tf sits around and “makes up scenarioes” like this for fun? Get her out and away from him. It’s not abandonement – she’s a legal adult.
changelingcd − The whole situation was epic-level overreaction and family insanity from the start. “My stepdad walked in on me n**ed in the bathroom!” “Uh huh. That’s inevitable in a shared house. Lock the door and don’t wear earbuds, you m**on” should have been the entirety of it.
Agoraphobe961 − I want to know the reaction of the cousin and aunt who “ran with it”.
uberprodude − The only option was to immediately kick your daughter out. Waiting and saying she might receive the consequences of her actions look like a manipulation tactic from the outside and not an actual punishment. If she had gone to live with your parents her story would have unraveled and it would have all come out naturally.
“I don’t want anything from my husband, I just want him. I haven’t talked to a lawyer yet but I don’t think I can keep the house” Your daughter’s actions and your inaction have destroyed this man’s life and you’re concerned that you won’t be able to keep HIS house. Wtf is wrong with you? YTA.