Update: AITAH for snapping at my wife and calling her crazy because she wants me to take a paternity test for my nephew?

A Redditor shared an update after dealing with a tense situation where his wife demanded a paternity test for his nephew, fearing he might actually be the father.

Despite the test confirming he wasn’t, his wife continued to press, leading him to set firm boundaries and even mention the possibility of divorce if her accusations didn’t stop. She later broke down, revealing her fears were driven by insecurity, particularly due to her struggles with infertility.

He reassured her and encouraged individual therapy, which she surprisingly agreed to, acknowledging her irrational behavior. Read the full story below to see how they’re moving forward with hopes that therapy will bring clarity and resolution.

‘ Update: AITAH for snapping at my wife and calling her crazy because she wants me to take a paternity test for my nephew?’

The results did come back and it was as expected. However, my wife went back on her word and asked if I could revert the conditions and I just told her straight up that I would look into divorce if she kept going on like this.

My wife then freaked out and started crying and asked why I prefer my sister more, she asked if it was because she was unable to give me a baby (my wife has struggled with infertility), and I had to calm her down, and tell her I was obviously not going to divorce her but to just relax.

I told her to keep a cool head and think rationally and that she had to accept sooner rather than later that my sister and my nephew were always going to be my family. I also told her to look into individual therapy, like many people in my last post recommended.

My wife was surprisingly very open to it, and she accepted she was being irrational but she was just afraid of “losing me.” So anyways, that’s my final update. I think we are making good progress and therapy should hopefully resolve whatever issues my wife is going through. 

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Low-Detective-2977 −  This won’t be your final update, I can assure you.

Cultosaurus2112 −  I think we are making good progress. She got what she wanted, was still unhappy and is now shifting goal posts again? I wouldn’t call that progress, at least not for you or a future towards a healthy relationship.

HereWeGoAgain-1979 −  So… she thinks you got your sister pregnant?

Freeverse711 −  Dude, you aren’t making any progress. The second she got the results she wanted to go back on the conditions you both agreed too.

United_Fig_6519 −  What in the amount of therapy will get the fact out of BOTH your heads that she accused you of having affair with your sister and fathering her baby?

It is great you can be understanding and it is clear she has issues due being probably infertile as you said… but when this idea first came to her head, she should have walked herself to doctors office and tell why she is having difficult time and get therapy and maybe medication to whatever she is going through.

You also will need individual therapy for yourself to see how you are supposed to response and communicate with her and your sister. You will also see if you can actually get through this and stay in the marriage.

lux_roth_chop −  If you think this is ever going to stop it’s you who’s delusional. This abuse – and it is spousal abuse – will continue and get worse.. Good luck.

Dangerous_Touch_7081 −  Dude this isn’t progress, your wife went back on her word and she’s probably only considering therapy because she thinks you’ll leave other wise. This cannot end well

contemporary_romance −  Unless you’re g**lighting your wife and actually have some weird Alabamian relationship with your sister, then you’re clearly not an a**hole…. So dude… how weird is your relationship with your sister that she goes that far down the rabbit hole?

EvilLoynis −  Finally the missing reasons I knew were there and OP was just turning a blind eye to. They are not happily childfree, his wife is struggling with infertility and he obviously enjoys being around children.

It also highlights just how toxic his family is to her not to shut down the sisters b**lshit “jokes” about the kid being so much like him. And the going away on family vacations, without his wife and with his nephew/son and Sister, was just the final nail in the coffin.

It’s very obvious that OP wants children and wife sees it every damn day and it’s totally bs that he doesn’t realize this. Just divorce already so she can start to heal and find someone that is truly okay just with her. He needs to truly realize that no one truly sees him as just an uncle, but as the defacto dad.

PuzzleheadedTap4484 −  So you told her that if she keeps it up you’ll divorce her. And then when she freaks out you tell her you won’t divorce her. So she got mixed messages.

Your original ultimatum should have been individual therapy not spending time with sister and nephew without her. I’m glad she’s open to therapy. Maybe she will see that she needs to change. Maybe she will see this marriage isn’t working for her.

When you married her, she became your immediate family and priority. Instead you’re putting sister and nephew over your wife. I would seek marriage counseling too, if you want to stay with her and make this work.

Do you think the husband’s approach of setting firm boundaries and encouraging therapy was the right path? How would you handle a situation where insecurities impact trust in a relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments below!