Update: AITAH for not letting my husband control the money in our house?

I took some of your suggestions previously. Asked him to go to marriage counseling and he declined because he didn’t have any issues in our marriage except me. Suggested a joint bank account for bills and bills alone and we have separate accounts for our savings. This argument was pretty much the end of our marriage for me.

First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/gzAwA

‘ Update: AITAH for not letting my husband control the money in our house?’

I ipened my own savings account at a different bank than I currently banked through. I didn’t have a debit card and if I needed to pull money out I had to physically go to the bank. I picked up side cleaning jobs for spending money so I wouldn’t really touch either account I had.

We went to a sporting event with our children (I have 2 he has one from previous relationships). After the event the kids wanted fast food which was ok by me it was late and I didn’t want to cook. He asked me when we won the lottery and I told him I didn’t feel like cooking so it was fine and handed him $20.

3 days later, I went to work apparently he had other decisions with that came withbthe money in his account that he wanted me to put money into. I came home to the ugliest dam car in our driveway. He wasn’t home, he was at the bar so when he pulled in the driveway I pretended to be sleeping so I wouldn’t blow up that night on him. Since he had been drinking for 5 hours I knew it wasn’t the best idea anyway.

He was mad at me when I woke up in the morning because I didn’t say goodnight to him and was asleep by the time he got home.

He said I don’t have to worry because he was going to take a loan out on the car to put the money back in his savings account. The same thing he did with the camper when I gave him money for it. Had I actually given him money to put in the savings account it wasn’t our money it was his money. Financial decisions were his and his alone apparently.

I started looking for an apartment when I got to work and within 3 hours I was signing paperwork and getting a cashiers check for a security deposit.

I told him the day before I was moving that I was leaving and he asked me how I could this without taking to him. I said well you bought a car without talking to me first so I got an apartment without your permission.
Filed for divorce on my birthday. Ive been called a gold digger, accused of having an affair and being blamed for his financial problems he is currently in.

The camper I practically paid for and he decided to get a loan on it to have money in his savings account. He doesn’t want anymore and said I have to pay for the cost of the loan to get it out from under him when I dont see why I should have to. Since I gave him cash I don’t have a trail on what it was for when I gave him the money nor did he ever put it in the bank after I gave it to him.So if I want the camper I don’t really have a choice but to do it.

He’s asked for cash for the camper and I literally laughed out loud at him and said I did that once already and I’m not doing it again and having to pay additional anymore.

He calls me asking me for the truth and if I was really cheating on him and that caused for me to leave because I wasn’t watering his garden. I told him marriages end for others things and not just affairs and told him to seek therapy because he has a lot of unresolved issues from his previous marriages if he assumes I cheated on him.

I’m getting a divorce, after divorce ill be looking to purchase my own home and having absolutely no contact with him. My children and I are thriving already in our little apartment and I’m managing my money very well. He wanted someone to depend on him and need him. That just wasn’t me.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Traditional_Act9675 −  You’re killing it. This is awesome and congratulations!!!

Neat_Caregiver_2212 −  You just lost about 200lbs no Ozempic required.

Vegetable-Cod-2340 −  Op, if i could i would upvote your post a million times, I’m so proud of you. He thought he had you locked in , and he was definitely planning to put you on an allowance, but you had his number and you showed him. Op, if you’re in the states , I encourage you to look into habitat for humanity in your state, they have home buyer programs for first time homeowners.. Best of luck.

EclecticEvergreen −  How are you a gold digger in this situation? That doesn’t make any sense lol. NTA your ex is a leech who thinks the world revolves around him.

Gadgetman_1 −  He took out a loan on a camper to put money back into his savings account?. What kind of m**on does that? He must be thicker than two planks nailed together…

zerj −  Buying a camper in cash, and then taking out a loan to get the money back is probably one of the dumbest ideas I’ve heard. Then to do it again for a car?

Creepy-Stable-6192 −  Good luck! I’ll be over here wishing you happiness on Thanksgiving!

Awkward-Tourist979 −  You are amazing!!  He wanted to control you.  You were too smart for him.

Ninja-Cinders −  What a fantastic update, good for you for getting yourself away from him. He sounds awful!!!

jaywaywhat −  First, I’m so proud of you OP. Having watched my mom growing up, I know being a woman is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You deserve a home for you and your kids and happiness. When the time is right and if you want, I hope you find a partner in life that uplifts and supports you.