UPDATE: AITAH for leaving my boyfriend ‘behind’ when I found out he planned to have a ‘traditional’ family?

I wasn’t going to do an update. I just wanted to ask the internet (stupid place to go, I know, but I needed a neutral opinion because people around me either hate my ex or hate me.
First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/qypYR

‘ UPDATE: AITAH for leaving my boyfriend ‘behind’ when I found out he planned to have a ‘traditional’ family?’

I am still at my parents, and I told my dad what happened in the gathering. He chalked it up to my ex being jealous and insecure, and, he told me not to interfere and feel sorry for his fiancée, because if she is marrying him, then she must know what she’s getting into.

After blocking my ex a couple of days ago, I actually managed to have the courage enough to ask him through a mutual friend to meet me. Again, I didn’t go alone, and our mutual friend was there the entire time, in case there would be a shouting match or a scene.

We never had any closure, after I broke up with him. I just left. And even though I told him why I was breaking up with him, I never addressed all our problems and when I fell out of love and how he started to feel like a suffocating presence because of his judgement towards my life choices.

We met at our friend’s house and he apologized for his friend and he said his friend was just being protective. I said I didn’t care, and that I was sorry if I hurt him so badly that even after getting engaged he was mad at me.

I know many people may call me a doormat for saying sorry, but I did it for my peace of mind, I don’t want to keep any regrets, not from my side. My ex did not scream, but he looked agitated and spoke for a while and I listened.

His main problem was not with me dumping him, but the fact that I have always flaunted I was out of his league. For context, my family is technically well-off, and my family has mostly liberal people, so not only are children in my family not taught that much gendered roles, most relatives (including my parents) never approve of their kids marrying into a religious family. How that made me flaunt anything, I still didn’t get.

To sum it up, my ex said that I made him feel like he was never good enough for me to marry him, I certainly didn’t love him enough or I’d compromise, and he has only felt inadequate our entire relationship because I acted like I was too good for his joint family ( where wives and mothers are still expected to wake up at the ass crack of dawn because…..WOMEN).

He also said that his fiancé will always respect his mom (I have never disrespected his mom) and his mother said ‘ultra-modern’ women don’t make good wives. He also told me he felt like I keep on flaunting a picture-perfect life abroad and he felt awful because he lost me because he was not born as privileged as I was and he was stuck here.

I didn’t feel like I needed to explain anything more to him after he was done speaking. It was..okay. Honestly, it’s kind of relieving that he is a bit of a red-pill i**ot and that I hadn’t caused actual damage to a genuinely good person. The only part that stung was when he said I had a picture-perfect life abroad because I don’t have that.

It’s a new country, a new culture and a new language and while the quality of life may be more and I have my good days, that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I miss my language, my home and my parents a lot. Just because you post selfies of places doesn’t mean life is all sunshine and roses, unlike what social media thinks.

It was relieving, ultimately. I don’t think I even know what closure actually means, and technically I’m doing good in life, all things considered. I will be okay, mostly. Thank you guys. You all were very nice in the replies.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Square-Minimum-6042 −  Good. I wouldn’t call you a doormat for wanting closure. He said his piece and confirmed you made the right choice.

Vivid-Farm6291 −  Sounds like he made himself inferior. He thought you were out of his league therefore you must also think that.. Be glad you dodged that bullet. His mother thinks that women who are ultra modern don’t make good wives? Is that because they expect a man that can actually adult and not have to mother them as well as work full time, raise kids and have a spotless home?

StrangledInMoonlight −  I certainly didn’t love him enough or I’d compromise. Dude didn’t love YOU enough to actually value you ad a *person* and his equal and partner.  He only saw you as a subservient thing to how to his wants.   I wish you the best in life, and I hope his socks are always wet and his food always the wrong temperature.

Corfiz74 −  “Waaahh-waaaahhh, you were out of my league and I couldn’t bring you down to my level, despite my best efforts! … What do you mean, I could have made an effort to raise myself up? How does that even work?!”

ten-toed-tuba −  He didn’t lose you because he’s less privileged, he “lost you” because he wanted to trap you in a marriage where he would be the little prince and you would cater to his every whim. And you rejected that future for yourself.

I have no doubt that your life is filled with frustrations and sadness, but it’s YOURS and you get to choose what you do, where you go, and who you share your life with. Enjoy your freedom and your family that raised you to be more than your ex’s property.. Edited for a typo.

VioletWilliamss −  NTA. You left because it wasn’t right for you. His issues are his own insecurities, not your fault.

National-Pressure202 −  Proud of you that took a lot of courage and strength to hear him out. I hope you have gained the closure you were seeking. I hope you find happiness on whatever avenue you choose.

angelicblushwhisper −  It sounds like you handled the situation with a lot of maturity and self-awareness, and it’s great that you found peace and closure on your own terms.

Rat_Master999 −   he was never good enough for me to marry him. Well, he obviously wasn’t.

OkCharity3133 −  You have nothing to feel sorry or have sympathy for him. That dumb guy asks you to compromise and in turn he will do nothing for you. Good riddance. Don’t look back. Don’t think he is a good and nice guy.