UPDATE – AITAH for being upset that I found out my wife was pregnant via social media?
Hello again, things have settled down now, and I feel like I have all the information, so I’m here to give y’all an update.
First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/nQNCJ
‘ UPDATE – AITAH for being upset that I found out my wife was pregnant via social media?’
When I got to my in-laws’, my wife was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for me. She jumped on me and kept apologizing, just hugging me and saying how sorry she was. We went to her room, and I told her I was really tired and wanted a nap before our talk. We slept holding each other.
When we woke up, our talk felt like an endless circle—me asking what happened and her saying that she was stupid and that it was her fault. She kept saying it didn’t matter what happened because she screwed up a big moment in our lives. I kept asking, but she just repeated that she messed up and that nothing else mattered.
Eventually, she said she didn’t want to give me excuses and that the right thing for her to do was take responsibility and apologize. I eventually gave in, told her she was forgiven, and said everything was fine.
Still, I went to talk to her friend—the one who was with her all day and bought the pregnancy test with her. Her story was that, right after my wife tested positive, they spent about an hour freaking out and talking about ways to tell me or surprise me. Eventually, my mother-in-law got home, and they told her. Together, they decided to invite their girlfriends over to discuss ways to tell me. The friend went over all their ideas, and I 100% believe her.
She also said it was discussed with the group that I didn’t know yet and that they should all keep quiet for now because we hadn’t decided when to announce it. She says the one girl who posted it on Instagram absolutely did it on purpose. She had been told not to say anything to anyone, and, at that point, they were even discussing ways to tell me with her. The picture she posted was taken when another friend had just arrived and heard the news.
For some reason, she decided to post about it right then and there. Apparently, when they confronted her, she initially claimed she didn’t know she wasn’t allowed to post it. She stuck to that lie for a while, but eventually, she just told everyone she didnt give a s**t and left. She blocked everyone in the group, and we haven’t heard from her since.
No one knows why she did it. They don’t know if she’s jealous of my wife or something else. At this point, we don’t care. She’s blocked on our end too, and we want no contact with her.
My sister later confirmed the friend’s story. When she first called me with details, she was under the impression my wife had just told everyone and forgot to tell me. But after talking to other friends and my mother-in-law, she told me basically the same story. I was also told by the friend I spoke to, my mother-in-law, and another friend that when I called my wife, she basically said, “S**ew it, I’m telling him right now,” and was super excited to do it.
Me and my wife talked again during our trip back home, now with me having most of the details and she told her side, basically identical to what my sister and the friend told me. She was again very apologetic and kept saying that im her number 1 priority, and that this was one of the dumbest things she has ever done.
We have a couples counseling appointment next week at her insistence. I honestly don’t think it’s necessary, but she believes I need a space to fully express my feelings. She’s worried I forgave her too fast and that I’m bottling everything up. Honestly, her concern about my feelings is already enough for me to forgive her and chalk this up as a one-time thing.
We also had our first appointment with an obstetrician—first because it’s obviously the right thing to do, but also because many people warned me about the risks of miscarriages in early pregnancy. My wife’s last period was about six weeks ago, and the doctor said it was a bit early for an appointment. Still, they ran a bunch of tests and confirmed my wife is indeed pregnant. So far, everything looks fine. Thank you all so much for caring about a random stranger.
See what others had to share with OP:
joaovitorsb95 − Seems like things woked out, thats great! Honestly, I think you are completely right with that one friend, just block her from your lives and forget about it. No reason she will give you will bring you any satisfaction or joy, just foget about her.
Morlakar − Your wife learned a lesson. It proves again the saying “Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.”. At the second child you should be informed as the second person. Cause with too many confidants it will always end badly. But I really like it that you two are ok with each other again. Good luck with the pregnancy! Cause yes, most couples I know only tell others after the 3 month mark about a pregnancy.
vitorramosleak − Yeah, the one that posted it either hates your wife, has a crush on you, or just crazy.
TheFinalPhilter − It may just be me but for whatever reason I always hate it when the husband is the last to know that they are having a child. Even if the friend didn’t post the announcement online OP’s wife still pretty much told everyone before she even thought about how to surprise OP with the news. I don’t know it might just be a me thing though.
avast2006 − And the moral of the story, folks, is to stop trying to make every life event into a Disney on Ice grand finale. Gods’ sake, people. “How do we tell him? What are all your ideas for doing this?” Ya wanna make your husband feel special? Tell him FIRST. He doesn’t want a stage spectacular. He wants to be your PRIORITY. He wants to be the first person that comes to your mind. This isn’t rocket surgery. Damned internet influencer culture ruins everything.
Proud-Geek1019 − her telling her ENTIRE friend group is where I still struggle. One friend knowing because they’re with you is one thing, but inviting a gaggle of people to discuss is childish high school behavior. I’m glad you two are okay, but I hope she’s learned from this. I do applaud her taking responsibility though. And the therapy appt may be a good way to navigate how you both expect communications to go in the future.
CocoPlops999 − I’m glad you are both working through this. All the best with the family.
Tall-Negotiation6623 − In your original post your sister told you that the friends didn’t understand how your wife hadn’t already told you, so that makes no sense if they were discussing surprising you. It also doesn’t explain why your wife had locked herself away. If one friend had done that, then that friend would be thrown out and everyone else would be comforting your wife.
This seems more like they got their stories straight and your wife is a horrible l**r and that’s why she didn’t want to tell you and got someone else to do it. Your sister wanted you to forgive your wife, so maybe her story is different now for that reason. This doesn’t make sense to me but I’m just a stranger online.
Stranger-Tastes − I would still be upset if my wife had chosen to share the news with a bunch of people before including you. It was stupid, selfish, and disrespectful. She did s**ew up and you are allowed to have your feelings about that.
Only-Bag1747 − I’m glad this ended well – I’ve been thinking about you two. I’m glad you two are NC with the friend – she sounds like bad news. Hopefully the entire friend group cuts her off. I don’t see how anyone could trust her with anything after this. Some people just have to find a way to make every story about them.