Update: AITA My husband was nicer to my BFF than her own husband?

A Redditor shared an emotional update about her best friend Kate’s ongoing separation from her neglectful husband, Bert. After Bert failed to pick up their child for Thanksgiving and ignored his responsibilities.

Kate’s stress led to a hospital visit, leaving the Redditor juggling care for Kate’s daughter and processing the fallout. Read the full update below…

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/yoUiL

‘ Update: AITA My husband was nicer to my BFF than her own husband?’

Kate and Bert are still separated. It took her a few weeks, but she finally spoke to her attorney and asked them to start the paperwork. One problem has been locating him for service and scheduling parenting time so it wouldn’t appear that she is withholding his child.

The night he was escorted out he apparently went to a hotel, then told his boss he had to work remotely (where the f**k was that option??), and then moved home to his mother. Kate has reached out to him multiple times to schedule parenting time and only found out last week that he wasn’t in the state!

She finally called his mom to see if she wanted to come and see her grandchild for Thanksgiving and learned that he was there the entire time. In any event, they finally made a parenting schedule and, at her attorney’s suggestion, agreed he could have the first holiday since the separation.

He was supposed to come down on Wednesday and pick up their daughter for a few days so she could spend time with his side of the family. So we planned a Friendsgiving to keep her spirits up since her little one would be away for the first time. Fun!? Not fun, but its what families do. Anyway, he didn’t show.

Thursday morning, still no Bert. Kate was worried since he was supposed to drive down so she called his mom again. Bert was fine, but “didn’t feel up to dealing with this.” Yup. Heard it myself with my own two ears. Kiddo was thankfully still asleep, so she did have the joy of watching her mom have a complete and utterly meltdown.

Kate didn’t have the greatest childhood herself and knowing her POS husband was completely indifferent to his daughter was just too much. She was sobbing so hard she couldn’t breathe and then started to have contractions. Then her sister and I started panicking.

Had we been thinking clearly, we probably would have remembered that she had BH with both pregnancies and calmly assessed the situation after she wasn’t so overwrought. Instead, I panic dialed her OB and we rushed her to the hospital. She’s fine. Baby is fine.

Kiddo has now more screentime and junk food in two days than her mother has let her have in her entire life, because I am not a great babysitter. Kate will be in the hospital for a few more days as her OB is concerned with her stress levels.

Her sister’s husband called Bert, but thus far he has not made any attempts to do something useful, like I don’t know, take care of his own child!? So I guess there won’t be a fight over custody?

A s**tty update, but its been a s**tty weekend. If anyone knows how to cheer up a little girl who is missing her parents that doesn’t involve McDonalds and Bluey, please let me know. If there were still Toys-R-Us, I’d probably be bankrupt.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

MamaCass −  I’m so sorry to hear this update. Not surprised, but sorry. For the little girl, how willing are you to do crafts?Hit up the dollar store for several disposable table cloths. Put one on the floor and one on whatever surface you let her paint on. When done, fold them inward and take to the garbage. Clean up is 10x easier this way.

You could get a child’s beading kit to “make Mommy a Christmas present.” Bracelets, necklaces, etc. If you tend toward more DIY, look up a recipe for salt dough and buy some washable  paints. Put her hair up, sacrifice an old t-shirt (preferably one of her father’s) and let it be a “painting dress.”

Decorating for Christmas can be as simple as sheets of white paper and a pair of scissors. Make snowflakes! If you have access to a printer, there are lots of templates to cut more elaborate shapes like Star Wars (probably not her jam) or cartoon characters.

Michael’s also usually sells kits to make little foam ornaments or decorations. Make them extra funny with a small package of googly eyes. One word of caution- stay away from glitter. You will shine for the next year. If something needs to be shiny, get glitter glue. . I hope this helps!

ChibiSailorMercury −  So I guess there won’t be a fight over custody?. Do not think that. Eventually, Bert will wake the f**k up or will meet with a lawyer (who will tell him some very harsh truths). He’ll realize that if he doesn’t fight for and get custody, the child support he will have to pay will be higher than if he had 50/50 or primary custody.

They may have a pre-nup, but pre-nups have nothing to do with child support (which is a right of the child, not a right of the parent). * Tell your friend to keep a detailed log of all these interactions with her soon to be ex. Or do it for her (while she is emotionally incapacitated).

* Have her send an email to Bert and his mom (or a text message, anything written) that essentially goes “So we collaborated on a holiday custody schedule, I gave you first holiday since our separation with our daughter out of good faith and of wanting to show that we can co-parent peacefully,

you agreed and then you let her down at the very last minute because you didn’t feel up to dealing with this”. She has to do the same for all the interactions that are verbal so she can have a paper trail to show the judge.

* Encourage her to keep on reaching out to Bert, in the name of collaborative co-parenting, so he can never win the argument of “She withholds the children from me, your Honor!!”. All in writing, or followed by writing summarizing the content of the conversation if it happens verbally.

* If she can’t do that because of her health condition and her emotional state, she can have someone else do all of that for her while she’s CC’d on the emails. “I might be dealing with the last weeks of pregnancy and separation,

and it’s hard, but I’m still doing all that I can as a mother to make sure it does not impact our children negatively and make sure the transition process is smooth and coparenting is possible” is the message you want to be able to display to a judge if it comes to that.

* Do not rile Bert up and make sure that your friend does not either. But when he acts unhinged, despondent or irresponsible, bring it up in writing.

* Always talk about Bert in good terms, at least in front of the daughter, so he can’t have the “parental alienation” defense. Have your friend squeaky clean so there is nothing he can grab unto for custody. No “I acted terribly but so did she, your honor!!”.

It will be all “So the plaintiff was being a dismissive-turned-aggressive asshat the entire time while the defendant was being as collaborative and in good faith as could be. Primary custody to the defendant”. EDIT: Missing words

writing_mm_romance −  My money is on Bert being happy as a clam that he can now be with his side piece without burden. That’ll be short lived and he’s going to try and win her back as soon as he sees how much he has to pay for child support.

Document all of the attempts to give him access and the failures on his part, it will help her custody battle, and ultimately cause him to have to pay more support.

Fragrant-Reserve4832 −  I feel bad saying it but kiddo is better off with dad showing he’s a useless cnut now than him stringing this out for years and breaking her spirit.

DawnShakhar −  Take her to the playground, read her books. Seriously, you are a heroine! Don’t beat yourself up about too much screen time and McDonalds. This is an emergency situation, and you are doing your best. As long as the child isn’t stressed and traumatised, you are doing fine.

Dachshundmom5 −  Don’t assume anything about a custody fight. Once he sees the cost of child support, he may suddenly appear and demand 50/50. He may quit his job. He may do anything. AHs are unpredictable.

That said, I will tell you what my kids’ therapist told me when I finally stood up to their AH father and got a lawyer to protect them and myself “sometimes the best thing for the kids is being abandoned.” (My kids weren’t in the room when we had this conversation).

It sucks. It’s horrible and leaves a lot of issues. That said, being a pawn for the AH to use is worse. Being in and out and unstable is worse. Being manipulated and used as a weapon is worse. Being in unsafe environments is worse. An endless stream of GFs is worse.

Sadly, I have experienced my kids in the care of an AH and the damage that did and the damage done when he just walked out and never came back. Walking was the best of the bad choices. I can also say that with a newly minted adult child, he now acknowledges that was the best option for he and his brother.

For the little kiddo. Go on Pinterest and enter <her age christmas crafts. Then, decide how comfortable you are with glitter. Then, she melts her mom’s heart with a stack of homemade ornaments and pictures.

There’s tons of stuff to do with little people (I taught preschool) for the holidays that is so very cute and will warm her mom’s heart. Also, accept that screen time is not going to hurt her as a temporary helper.

Go to walgreens, Walmart, or wherever you have the stamina to deal with and get coloring books, a giant box of crayons, craft kits (Michael’s will have a sale) and go to town.

Call your local shelter and ask if you and she can come play with/walk dogs as volunteers. Whatever you do, her daughter is safe, fed, and with someone who loves her. I promise you those are the only things that really matter.

Swiss_Miss_77 −  Bluey is ALWAYS good. I’m a 2 thumbs up on a Bluey Marathon. There is a game based off a Bluey episode. Keepy Uppy. Maybe lean into the Bluey for Crafts and activities.

strangelifedad −  As a single father with a turned out deadbeat mother of the child it’s actually not the worst update. Sure, your friend in the hospital is absolut s**t but at least her stbx showed his true colors early. Document anything and everything for the custody proceedings.

Really do it – phone calls. messages, mails, possible in person contact. It’s hard to be a single parent but it’s better than having a deadbeat j**k around. Let the lawyer handle communication. I hope your friend is fine and she will figure it out. She has a support system, after all, and that is most important.

SnooBunnies9144 −  Poor Kate. She will get through this. A trip to the library is always a fun distraction. Many have really fun things in the kid’s section. Maybe let her pick a few that you can read together while mom is still in the hospital? Bake. Christmas cookies!

But also, don’t feel bad about too much Bluey. There are was worse things she could be watching. And if mom is on bed rest and “dad” continues to not step up, she may be in a season with a bit more TV than normal. It will be OK and won’t ruin her for life.

LTK622 −  What a horrid experience and I’m glad friends could be there during her hour of need. This will turn out to be a huge blessing in disguise. After the pain of the heartbreak settles down, it’ll be very freeing and life-affirming that she’s given up hope in somebody hopeless.

How would you handle stepping in to support a loved one during such a challenging time? Do you think Bert’s behavior should result in sole custody for Kate? Share your thoughts and ideas for comforting a child during a tough family situation below!