Update: AITA for teasing my friend about not recognizing my kid, thus ruining her marriage and an unrelated engagement party?

‘ Update: AITA for teasing my friend about not recognizing my kid, thus ruining her marriage and an unrelated engagement party?’

So yesterday I posted this: https://aita.pics/YRycd

I am now updating you because the last few hours have been… a lot. It turns out that when I wrote my post I left out one critical piece of context: I thought I was regular person living a normal life. Turns out I am Chaz, a side character on the worst Gossip Girl episode ever written.

So after posting yesterday, reading replies and thinking it over, I decided to reach out to Emma one final time. Some of you thought I shouldn’t and that these were, in fact, not my monkeys. Others made me realize that Emma was probably in a s**tty situation with her husband and his family and was actively being gaslit.

Now, of note here, while as I mentioned we’re not as close as we used to be – we used to be very close. She helped me pick out a spot and let me borrow her car for my first date with who later became my wife. She was a significant part of my support system during some very rough times in my life. Despite everything, I still felt like I cared about her and wanted to work things out. This is no longer the case.

See from my perspective – I thought we were good friends, then when she met her husband we naturally drifted apart, and then this thing happened out of nowhere. This was not what it looked like from her perspective. How do I know? Well buckle up because this is absolutely unhinged.

So, last night, before going to bed, I text her a long thoughtful message. I explain that I do apologize for the part I played in ruining her marriage, and I understand she is going through a tough time.

I understand if she wants nothing more to do with me, but if and when she feels she wants to talk it out, she is welcome to reach out, and I leave the ball in her court. I show this to my wife and she is practically giddy. She tells me there is no way this s**t doesn’t blow up in my face and I should have just cut my losses, like many of ya’ll said.

Emma SHOWS UP AT MY HOUSE AT AROUND 7AM UNANNOUNCED. I ask WTF. She says she really needs to talk to me. I call my wife to the door and explain this. She sends me off with this woman because she understands this s**t can only go poorly and apparently she is here for it and it’s my own fault at this point. So as I said, from my perspective we were friends, we drifted apart.

From her perspective – for the last 15 years she has been playing some weird game of 4d chess. Or… 2 different games of 4d chess? Apparently she had feelings for me back in college, and she was trying to “nice girl” her way into a relationship with me. By being there for me when my dad died, and when I was struggling with being single. She always gave everything because she just assumed I would, at some point “come around”.

You’d think that me getting married or her getting married would change that, and it did, just… badly. apparently her husband knew about her feelings, which is why he always kept me at a distance. We never drifted apart, he explicitly asked her not to meet with me anymore outside of large social gatherings.

that day at the pool? yeah that was her sticking it to him, because he was “away” cheating on her or something, and he didn’t like her hanging around me scantily clad. It wasn’t just that he was upset at the joke, he was upset because apparently I was having an affair with his wife and rubbing it in his face. Makes no sense? I know. It gets worse.

That thing at the wedding? Well at least she didn’t plan THAT. I told our friends getting engaged that I wasn’t coming. She asked and verified this. She wasn’t expecting to see me and they told her I wouldn’t be there, but once I showed up, she decided to exploit it.

She INTENDED to have a huge scene with me, so that she could tell her estranged husband and friends – that I ambushed her because she broke off OUR AFFAIR.. OUR AFFAIR.. APPARENTLY WE HAD AN AFFAIR.

“Oh what affair is that?” you ask. I did too. apparently the story some people got was that she and I were having an affair, and it ended and I was stalking her. Her husband left her because he found out. So people more inclined to believe her just thought that was what happened and wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

so why did her husband ACTUALLY leave? well some of you called it. According to her, he was cheating on her a bunch and overall not a nice person. She never actually cheated on him, but used me to pretend that she did without my knowledge. So after the joke at the gathering which may have indeed been in poor taste – they had a huge fight and he left the house.

As for the thing with his family – from what I gather it was some dude sleeping with his cousin’s wife or some such s**t. So anyway, she tells me all this insanity, and tops it off with that my message really moved her and we can still be friends.

The reason she rushed to show up at 7am? My message made her realize I am actually the only one who really cares about her and everyone else in her life is f**e and don’t really care. I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but now this sounds like some really m**ipulative s**t to me, and now I’m thinking back to a lot of our previous interactions – and a lot of them also seem like that to me now.

I am not a confrontational person. I was willing to accept that I fucked up. maybe some of you were right, and the joke was in poor taste, and I’m a huge a**hole for making it because I thought that if he knew the story he would get the callback, and if he didn’t I’d tell him a funny story about his wife.

I accept all that criticism. But THIS?! F**k no. I was done. I tell her I am done with her s**t. She can get back to her husband, leave her husband, keep any friends she wants, because I am fuckin done. I can forgive a lot, but she had been basically not communicating with me for over 15 years.

I was telling her everything about my life and my feelings, and I was absolutely appalled by just how much of a one way street it turned out to be. I feel like I didn’t ever really know her. Maybe I played a role in that too. Maybe I was self centered or s**fish and didn’t consider her emotions or her signs.

I don’t know. And you know what? At this point I don’t think it matters. She lied to me SO MUCH. she lied to SO MANY PEOPLE SO MUCH. I just don’t care anymore. I don’t think there’s anything left to this friendship to fix.

And the worst part? I just gave you this huge update, and I genuinely don’t know how much of it is true. Maybe she was completely honest with me. Maybe she lied about everything and we’re still playing 4d chess. Who knows? I certainly don’t. And that, more than anything, is why this friendship is over – because even if I could forgive everything – I can never really trust her.

So that’s that. there will probably not be anymore updates because this was meant to be a lighthearted post and it turned out into a total clusterfuck and I’m just so tired and so sad. I’m sorry if this wasn’t as readable or as coherent as my previous post. This just happened and I am just exhausted.

My wife has been very supportive, though I assume at some point I’m due some well-earned “I told you so”s. She knows there wasn’t an affair and certainly no stalking, and most of my friends probably know that too.

I may try reaching out to some others because well… I dunno maybe they were told even worse things about me? But I am just done with this. And now I am going to spend what’s left of this weekend with my family and try to put this s**t behind me. thank you all for reading, and for your advice..

Final update:

Check out how the community responded:

LaniLibra −  Wow, what a rollercoaster. It sounds like you made the right call in cutting ties. The situation was beyond your control, and you can’t be responsible for someone else’s complex web of lies and manipulations. Focus on your own well-being and enjoy the support of your wife and family.

marv115 −  So she’s been telling people you had an affair?
RUN FOR THE HILLS, open a group chat with the friends, tell the truth and whoever doesn’t belive you drop them, if she takes the narrative would be your word againts her.

UR_Face −  Hahaha. Your wife has the best perspective on this whole shitshow. In a couple years you’ll both look back and have a laugh about insane people you used to hang around with. D**p the so called friends and never look back.

Zestyclose-Sky-1921 −  Lord T’undering Jesus THAT is going to set a new tune for a Saturday morning Reddit scroll.. JFC.

Intrepid-Sentence-74 −  Please tell me, OP, that you’re a teenager writing relationship drama for funsies. I don’t want to believe a bunch of supposed adults could act like this.

Away-Understanding34 −  Emma has some serious problems and I hope she gets some professional help for them. Hopefully, this doesn’t turn into some Fatal Attraction crap but if I were you I would watch your back. I feel like Emma isn’t done.

MajesticPin6411 −  A habitual l**r isn’t going to just stop. Not now that you’ve hurt her feelings and rejected her. She’s going to ramp the crazy up to maximum.

You need to protect yourself OP, there may very well be more accusations coming from her that could land you in a world of hurt. Protection order, like yesterday. 

AdExtreme4813 −  NTA. Also, don’t forget to send out a mass group text saying you just found out about your affair with her & why didn’t any of your “friends” ask YOU about this so-called affair?

kaywal89 −  What I took away from this is you have an amazing wife who laughs when necessary and has your back. You definitely win.

Cybermagetx −  If this is real danm dude. Im glad my life is basic and boring.. Just block them all and run.