UPDATE: AITA for refusing to let my roommate’s boyfriend live with us after he tried to “test” me?

In a follow-up to the original post, the roommate who refused to let their roommate’s boyfriend, Jake, move in shared updates. After confronting Jake’s manipulative behavior, including gaslighting and freeloading, the situation escalated. Jake began spreading false accusations to mutual friends, painting the poster as controlling.

Meanwhile, the roommate, Ashley, sided with Jake, further isolating the poster. Feeling heartbroken yet determined, the poster plans to address the situation with the landlord, documenting everything to protect themselves and reclaim their peace of mind. read the original story below…

Here’s to the original post: https://aita.pics/pEHyh

‘ UPDATE: AITA for refusing to let my roommate’s boyfriend live with us after he tried to “test” me? ‘

Hi everyone, it’s been a wild ride since my original post, and I wanted to give an update because a lot has happened. First off, I want to thank everyone who commented…it helped me see things in a completely new light.

Honestly, I didn’t even realize how much I was being gaslighted by Jake and Ashley until I read some of your insights. I thought they were my friends, but now I see how m**ipulative and toxic their behavior really is.

Maybe I just hated the thought of not having any friends but who needs enemies with these kind of friends… ngl it still breaks my heart to realize this and I cried a lot. But that doesn’t change anything haha I don’t know why I’m saying this it’s just been a really emotional days please forgive my rant.

Since our confrontation, Jake has gone full victim mode. He’s been telling mutual friends that I’m trying to “ruin his life” and “kick him out of his girlfriend’s apartment.” (Let me remind you: this man doesn’t pay rent or contribute to any bills, so calling it “his girlfriend’s apartment” is already laughable.)

He’s been painting me as some controlling, jealous monster who can’t handle his “straightforward personality.” Meanwhile, Ashley is eating it up and defending him, saying I’m overreacting and “causing unnecessary drama.”

What’s worse is that I’ve started noticing just how much control Jake has over Ashley. She’s completely bought into his narrative and is now acting like I’m the enemy. For example, she told me last night that my “attitude” is making it hard for them to feel comfortable in their own home.

THEIR home. This apartment is 50% mine, but suddenly, I’m being treated like an unwelcome GUEST. I’ve decided I’ve had enough. I’ve already documented everything. his constant presence, his freeloading, and now his smear campaign… I’m reaching out to my landlord this week.

Most leases have clauses about long-term guests, and Jake has definitely overstayed his. As for Ashley, I don’t know if there’s any saving our friendship. I’m heartbroken because I thought she cared about me, but now I realize she’s supporting Jake’s a**sive behavior.

Thank you to everyone who opened my eyes to what was really happening. I’ll post another update once I’ve spoken to my landlord and taken further action. For now, I’m just trying to reclaim my space.. and my peace of mind.

Also I really want to thank you for just… caring and being there. This is what I needed to hear and you all were honest and fair with me. I am very grateful for the support I got that I couldn’t get anywhere else. So thank you 🙏.

 

Check out how the community responded:

curiousjosh −  Good for you on standing up for yourself. FYI… a 22m should almost be graduating college, not freeloading off a 19f girlfriend, demanding no one uses internet during his “gaming time”. This guy’s a walking red flag.

Kragg_hack −  Good luck, unfortunately Jake seems like a good manipulator so he might have gotten Ashley onboard with his narrative. Don’t mean she is without guilt, just mean she might have started as a friend but even if she isn’t that now.

I’d look for your own apartment, as long as they are in your life your home will unfortunately not be a safe zone.. Good luck with everything!

MaeveCarpenter −  Any time they play victim, just repeat over and over “he expects me to cook for him and wants to control who I have over. I’m not going to be his handmaid.”

Dimirag −  Hope this ends up in your favor and you get rid of that j**k, as for your “friend” I won’t be surprised if she ends up either telling worst lies about the situation or running back to you when her bf ruins her.. Also UpdatedMe!

upset_pachyderm −  Good for you, don’t take any more crap from them.

Equal_Maintenance870 −  Glad you’re going to the landlord! I was going to say on the last post you should agree with him that you don’t want men around in the apartment so he also couldn’t be there. Not that he’d have listened. 😂

I’d say now it would be fun to have one of your guy friends just around all the time until things resolve, just to p**s odd Jake, but I’m petty.

Far_Comfort4460 −  Have you reminded her that the apartment is 50% yours and 50% hers? That the lease only has your name and hers? That you guys are the ones paying the rent and everything in the apartment?

That everything in that apartment must be agreed upon by you and her only? That if she doesn’t agree with the rules she can go ahead and move out with her jacka$$ of a boyfriend?

DamnitGravity −  It’s quite common for people to change when they get into new relationships, and especially for some people to completely subsume who they are to totally become what the other person wants,

because they like the idea of being in a relationship more than they like the idea of being themselves. Do please update us with whatever the landlord says! And good luck!

007HalaMadrid007 −  I lost it when he wasn’t paying anything and he told you to not use your own wifi, eating your food, cooking meals for everyone and not being allowed to have company in an apartment you pay for. Yeah he would’ve been gone as soon as the sentence was done

Chaos1957 −  What a horrible thing to go through. Yes, I bet they planned this to get you out of the apartment. Go to the landlord and explain the whole thing. It would be great to break the lease and see you get into another place and away from them.

Sometimes, standing up for yourself means facing heartbreaking truths about those you considered close. Have you ever had to draw a hard boundary with a friend or roommate? Share your thoughts or experiences below!

For those who want to read the last part : https://aita.pics/bFwUe