UPDATE: AITA for refusing to give my half-sister any of our grandmother’s jewelry after they excluded me for years?

A Reddit user provided an update about their decision to keep their late grandmother’s jewelry, which their father gave them as an apology for years of neglect. Despite backlash from their half-siblings, the jewelry now holds sentimental value as a rare acknowledgment of their difficult childhood.

While tensions have escalated with some siblings, a heartfelt apology from one brother has opened the door to possible reconciliation. To honor their grandmother’s memory, the Redditor plans to restore and cherish the pieces while gifting a sentimental pair of earrings to one half-sister as a gesture of understanding. Read the full story below.

‘ UPDATE: AITA for refusing to give my half-sister any of our grandmother’s jewelry after they excluded me for years?’

First, I want to thank everyone for the responses, advice, and support. I never expected this post to gain so much attention, and it’s been overwhelming but also incredibly validating to know that so many of you understand where I’m coming from.

After reading through the comments and reflecting on everything, I decided to stand firm in my decision to keep the jewelry. This is the first meaningful gesture my dad has ever made towards me, and I’m not going to give it up, especially to people who have done nothing but make me feel like an outsider my entire life.

For greater clarification, the jewelry also represents a greater apology to me. No one had ever apologized for the treatment I faced throughout my entire childhood even when I chose to cut them off.

Not for the constant name calling, not for the actual slurs they would regularly call me, not for the unwanted comments of my weight and how I was a p** “just like my mother”, none of it. Before, this is the only apology I’ve ever received even tangentially relating to my childhood, (and yes, I am very aware of how bitter I sound here).

That said, I didn’t want to completely close the door on reconciliation, so I reached out to my dad to discuss everything. I asked him why he gave the jewelry to me and what he thought about the backlash from my half-siblings.

He admitted that he regrets how he handled things during my childhood and feels that he prioritized his other kids at my expense. Giving me the jewelry was his way of trying to make amends, even if it’s late. I also told him about how my half-siblings were treating me now and the things they had said about my mom in the past.

He was upset and said he would speak to them about their current behavior, though that wasn’t my intention and I doubt it will make much of a difference. As for my half-siblings, the situation has only escalated.

My oldest half-sister (32F) sent a long message accusing me of being vindictive and selfish, still claiming that I’m taking the jewelry out of spite, (which I suppose is partially true). She tried to guilt-trip me again by bringing up how close she was to our grandmother and how much she wanted these specific pieces to remember her by.

I didn’t respond, but I’ve saved the messages in case things get worse. Unexpectedly, my middle half-brother (30M) reached out privately. He admitted he was wrong for how he treated me in the past and apologized. He said he doesn’t care about the jewelry and just wants to move forward.

I told him I appreciated his apology, but I need time to process everything before I can even consider having a relationship with him. I’m still no-contact with my oldest half-sister and youngest half-brother. At this point, I don’t see that changing.

To those wondering about the jewelry itself: I’ve decided to have some of the pieces appraised and restored. I plan to wear a few of them on special occasions and keep the rest stored safely.

They hold sentimental value to me now, not because of my grandmother, but because they represent a step toward my dad finally seeing me as part of the family, even if it’s imperfect and overdue. That said, after speaking with my middle half-brother I’ve come to understand most of my half-sister’s anger and attacks come from a place of grief.

As such, I plan to give her my grandmother’s favorite pair of earrings. She wore them constantly and while I doubt my sister will have any gratitude towards me, I’m sure she’ll appreciate the gesture nonetheless.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

TrickPaper9696 −  Your dad sucks. His method for apologizing to you was also openly antagonistic to his other children. He’s either not a good person or not a smart person.

ImportantFunction833 −  Forgive me if I have any of the details here wrong, but it’s my understanding that Dad had an affair, left his family to be with his affair partner, allowed his older children to b**ly OP for years, then his mom dies, and despite her wishes having been stated,

he gives jewelry to OP instead of to the eldest child who was always promised them as a peace offering which OP sees as acknowledgment that she was treated poorly her whole life. The problem for me here is that Dad’s gesture is entirely empty.

He didn’t give up anything of his own to make this peace offering; he gave up what he knew had been intended for his eldest at the expense of his late mother’s stated wishes and is acting like it’s some kind of meaningful gesture on his part.

I honestly get why the sister is livid–her childhood happy family all the way up to her inheritance has been given to someone else because of her father’s choices. Don’t get me wrong, that is NO EXCUSE for the b**lying, and that should’ve been stopped immediately, but that was also Dad’s fault.

It almost seems like he likes his kids tearing into each other because it shifts the blame away from him having to take any accountability for his actions having hurt people who love him. I honestly see where all of the kids are coming from (as in I see why they would be hurt and feel a certain way;

I do NOT give a pass for bad behavior as a result of those feelings). How convenient for Dad that his children all seem to love him so much that he can skate through and make the hurts he caused a problem for someone else to bear the burden of.

OP, do whatever you think is right with the jewelry–that’s your decision to make. But please don’t interpret it as a more meaningful gesture than it was. That’s giving your father credit he just doesn’t deserve. If he were really acknowledging you and how your childhood suffered because of him, he’d sit all his kids down,

take ownership of it all, and say all of you deserved better than the hurt and resentment he caused and allowed to fester for decades as a result of his selfishness and refusal to work through the fact that his actions had consequences for his innocent children. I’m so sorry that his failure has cost you so much.

PenglingPengwing −  **The biggest AH and a piece of worthless human being is your DAD.** Your dad ruined two families. He ruined your childhood. He ruined their childhood too! And now he ruined grieving process of his other kids by giving grandmas jewellery to you.

To top it all, instead of giving you an apology, he blames his other kids. Yeah no… the biggest villain in this whole saga is your father and it’s sad that even as an adult, you are falling for it.

Chaoticgood790 −  Well this won’t end well for you but go off I guess. I don’t think I would ever wear something that belonged to someone that hated me. Your dad giving it to you just means that you get to be the target and you played right into it.

I bet your dad got some money so why didn’t he give you that? No he just took inheritance from one child and gave it to another. Bad enough he blew up their lives but now he stole their inheritance too. Good luck. Hope the jewelry makes you think of your grandmother that didn’t pay you dust every time you wear it

Poku115 −  “This is the first meaningful gesture my dad has ever made” by taking away from the one it was promised to but sure.
Like I said last post, this apple didn’t fall far from either tree

Edit: “The comments have made me realize that I’ve probably been giving my sister too much benefit of the doubt” wow you geniunely freaking s**k, just like your dad, ignore everything that inconveniences you and focus on you and only you right?

Special_Lychee_6847 −  Gosh.. If only your dad had actually paid for jewelery to give you directly, you could’ve felt accepted, without him driving a bigger wedge between you and your half sisters.

copper-feather −  Remember, your sister spent your entire life punishing you for something you had no control over. And now suddenly she’s the victim for no good reason? You owe her nothing.

If she really was the favorite than granny should have made that will. And if your dad really thought she deserved any of it he’d be letting her have at least one piece. None of this is your fault.

Simple_Proof_721 −  Oh boy, you’re headed to a rough wake up call, good luck

noonecaresat805 −  Nta but you do realize if you give her the earrings it’s going to open the floodgates to her demanding and expecting you to give her more right?

SwimmingProgram6530 −  You’re NTA for feeling bitter, but keeping jewellery that your grandmother wanted your half sister to have is. Your Dad is an AH for having an affair and upending his children’s lives, and a further AH for giving you something that morally wasn’t his to give.

The sentiment you are using to keep the jewellery makes no sense as there is no sentiment in something that was never meant for you and which was given by a man that has further caused a bigger rift.

I personally would have had the whole lot valued, offered her the chance to buy it off you and gone shopping with your Dad and picked a nice piece of jewellery for you together.

Do you think the Redditor’s decision to hold onto the jewelry while extending a small olive branch to their half-sister was the right approach? How would you balance personal healing and family reconciliation in a situation like this? Share your thoughts in the comments below!