Update: AITA for refusing to follow the rules my boyfriend laid out for me?

A woman (age not specified) has ended her 10-month relationship with her boyfriend after feeling his behavior became overbearing and manipulative. In a calm but emotionally charged phone call, she explained that their expectations of each other were incompatible.

Despite her expressing love for him, she made the decision to break up, blocking all his contact information afterward. His mom texted her later, expressing sadness but wishing her well. Meanwhile, one of his friends tried to add her on social media, which she’s unsure about. Read the full story below.

‘ Update: AITA for refusing to follow the rules my boyfriend laid out for me?’

Hey everyone, I wanted to update on my previous two posts. I received great advice from a lot of people and it immensely helped me trying it evaluate our relationship. I texted my friends about the situation, and they also agreed he sounded overbearing. About an hour ago, I ended things for good.

I texted him yesterday afternoon that I thought we should have a serious discussion about our relationship. He said we should wait until we have both cooled off from our conversations earlier, so I suggested tomorrow. He sent me his usual good night and I love you texts, which kinda broke me.

His horrible behavior didn’t erase 10 months of love that I feel for him, and it almost felt like betraying him saying the same things back when I knew what I was going to do in the morning. Here’s kinda a summarized version of the call (It was over an hour so I condensed it as much as I could and I tried to write it as quickly as the call ended so I wouldn’t forget)

Anyways, when I called him, he seemed very normal and calm. We talked for 10 minutes just about how things were going and stuff. Then I basically told him that I didn’t want to do this, but I thought it would be best if we broke up. I said that we probably expected different things from our partners, and I couldn’t do what he wanted from me.

After I said that, he sat in silence for like a minute. I thought the call had dropped, but then he said he was processing what I said. He asked me if this was revenge for what he said two days ago, and I said no, just a realization of incompatibility.

He then said he wasn’t going to change his mind on his boundaries, and me giving him an ultimatum was m**ipulative. I told him that this wasn’t an ultimatum, it was going to happen. He then kept repeating “What the f**k [my name]?” and then told me I didn’t mean it.

He asked me if I loved him still, and I said yes, and then he said he knows I’ll come back. I said this was it. He said something about how we need each other and went on a rant, but I don’t remember that much of it because I was crying at that point.

I cut him off at the end, and just said goodbye. He said he would never forgive me and I would never see him again since “he was that awful” and then hung up. I immediately blocked his number, whatsapp, snopchat and insta. I do not think he will have another way of contacting me.

I do not think he will seek me out or anything, so im not too worried about that. My university accommodation also has front desk security and you can’t get in without a keycard. Thanks again everyone.

Edit: His mom just texted me saying she was sad things ended the way they did, but she wishes me all the best.

Minor update: One of his friends tried adding me on snapchat for some reason. Don’t know if it’s him using his friend’s account, his friend wants to know what happened, or a coincidence he added me right when this unfolded.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

BadmiralHarryKim −  NTA. Setting boundaries and then actually enforcing them is an important life skill.

JellicoAlpha_3_1 −  You did the right thing. He doesn’t want an equal partner. He wants a woman who will just do everything he tells her to do

NefariousnessFresh24 −  NTA – you did the right thing. When you get back make sure to inform campus accommodations that this person is not allowed to contact you or visit you or anything.

He also might try to see you in the buildings where you have your lectures (if those are accessible) or places where you shop or like to eat. For the next few weeks see if you can mostly socialize in groups and with friends, avoid being alone.

AnonThrowAway072023 −  NTA. please please please be careful when you return to the UK.  Get help to watch your back!!!! He is NOT done and he does NOT accept this is over.  He sees you as the dumb immature inexperienced girl he can mold and control the way he wants.  No way will he give this up easily without fighting.

letsgetligious −  Read all your other posts mentally screaming to run so I just came here to say Phew. The plane ticket was his fault, but he still tried to use it to b**ly you into following his insane manifesto.

I also cringed really hard reading ‘when we get married in a few years’, the least romantic and loving way to talk about a CHOICE you hadn’t made yet. The mask slippeth off of this guy, it usually does happen around a year.

Once you find another relationship take it sloooooow so you aren’t in love for a year or two to be blindsided by another redpiller in sheep’s clothing. Good on you getting out and keep your chin up!

Torquip −  It’s always funny to me when ppl date someone 5+ years younger and then say they’re “immature”. Yeah, maybe if they were actually your age they wouldn’t be. You’re doing the right thing here. He seems misogynistic, m**ipulative, and he’s projecting his own selfishness onto you. Even if he seems nice, the bad will ruin it for you. His boundaries are bad and u don’t need him. 

Bitter-Fishing-Butt −  YOU’LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN. I mean, good, that’s the entire point

auntlynnie −  NTA, the “rules” were overbearing. You are only 19 and he’s only 23, but he used that minimal age gap to justify getting his way in controlling you. Good job, even if it’s hard.

Prestigious_Wheel767 −  Can i suggest something. Is it possible to have either someone from your family flying home with you or some of your UK friends to meet you in the airport and stay with you for a week or so just in case he tries to do something. Especially if he knows the time and date you coming back tries to meet you in the airport.

lapsteelguitar −  You are right about one thing. You did NOT give him an ultimatum. You gave him a decision that you had made. Big difference.. Go forth, be strong 🙂

Ending a relationship can be heartbreaking, even when you know it’s the right choice. Was the poster right to end the relationship despite the emotional turmoil, or should she have tried to work through the issues? What would you have done in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!