Update: AITA for picking out the peas from my dinner in front of my mum’s boss?

The 20-year-old woman who picked out peas from her dinner in front of her mother’s boss has since had a productive conversation with her mom. It turns out her mom was stressed about hosting, forgot her daughter’s preferences, and was trying to avoid making a fuss about her autism.

They both learned from the experience—she’ll be more communicative about her daughter’s needs in the future, and the daughter has a better understanding of social dinner expectations. Her mom’s boss, who had an autistic brother, was understanding and supportive, even going so far as to say he was happy her mom was on his team. The woman also made a nice gesture by buying her mom an ice cream.

‘ Update: AITA for picking out the peas from my dinner in front of my mum’s boss?’

Thank you very much for your insight. I appreciate all the comments and also the awards. I think that’s very cool to receive. Some comments said to talk about it with my mum. I did and it went very well. She said sorry and said it was not my fault. She explained to me how it went and I will try to tell it as short as possible:

Mum was very stressed because she never hosts dinners. She wanted her colleagues to like it. They requested the recipe. She forgot I don’t eat peas because she was too busy with her colleagues. She wanted me to eat with them because at her colleague’s house his kids also ate with them.

She didn’t want to make a fuss about my autism because sometimes I’m rude when people ask about it. She said her head was all over the place all evening. I said to her that that’s why I could have made my own food. She said that was difficult because there was no time for that. I didn’t realise because I’m not good with time awareness.

I asked her to communicate with me next time and be more clear about what I can or can’t do. She said she will and said I can help cook next time too. Almost every comment said that her boss was nice. He probably wasn’t angry or upset with her. I told this to my mum. She said sorry to me again because she wasn’t upset at me at all.

She was embarrassed because she tried to get me to ”behave normally” and she shouldn’t have done that. She took it out on me on a whim. I also said sorry because I didn’t realise that it could’ve been important for her work status. I just thought they were like friends.

She said it was OK because I didn’t make a big fuss and I didn’t get loud or walk away. She’s proud of me for staying at the table and also thinking about the ducks. We concluded that we both learned things. I learned things because I now know more about work dinners and manners.

She learned things because she now knows to communicate and explain more to me to avoid stress. In the comments people also said her boss might have experience with autistic people. I asked my mum and it was a little bit sad. His little brother was autistic but he died 10 years ago. It made him sad because he loved him a lot.

He told her I should eat things I like next time because it upset him to think mum was worried about appearances so much that I had to be uncomfortable during dinner. He also said that dinner was really good and that he’s happy to have her in his team at work. He’s a good person and a good boss. I sent him a thank you email with my mum.
Last thing is that I fed the ducks the peas. I think they were happy about it. The thing with ducks is that they don’t say that to you of course. I got an ice cream with two scoops at the pond. I also got one for my mum because I had money left. It was a little bit melted when I came home because it was 5 minutes walking but she still liked it and she said I was amazing.. Thank you for reading.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Quailpower −  As someone who had pet ducks, I can confirm that those little quackers not only liked the peas, they LOVED them. They’re the ultimate duck snack. After my ducks discovered that the freezer was where I kept peas, I couldn’t open the freezer without being mobbed.

Trashmanjoe −  When we’re young we assume our parents are perfect, as we get older we learn that that’s not true. They’re humans and thus prone to mistakes and miscommunications. It’s good that your mom was able to recognize her own mistakes and learn from them! And your mom’s boss does sound like a class act. Ducks are pretty rad!

RebelScientist −  This might be the nicest story I’ve read in all of Reddit, both the original post and the update. Just a bunch of really sweet people misunderstanding each other and it all working out in the end. Lovely.

julesgolde −  The original post and update made me cry happy tears, which I almost never do. How lovely to read something so beautiful and wholesome. OP, I really like the way you write. I’m happy things turned out so well. Thank you for sharing.

Valuable-Comparison7 −  You seem like a delightful person. I’m glad you’re in this world, OP…And I did not know ducks like peas! So I learned something new too.

BUTTeredWhiteBread −  I think they were happy about it. The thing with ducks is that they don’t say that to you of course. They were likely very happy, don’t you worry about that! Also, consider taking up creative writing, you have such a fun style about you that I think would get you far. You have that Douglas Adams wit.

salukiqueen −  Your update made my heart so happy. This was a great update, thanks for sharing. I’m glad everything went well for you and your mom.

Broken-Jinxie −  This is so wholesome and wonderful. I’m glad you and your mom were able to have a good conversation about this! Now, I’m going to get a bag of frozen peas and pick up my nephews and take them to the duck pond! They’re going to be so excited. The nephews and the ducks!

LegitimateInterest87 −  THIS IS WHOLESOME AND WHO THE HELL IS CUTTING ONIONS IN HERE?

CarrotCakeAndTea −  I really liked this update. It made me feel happy, even though I don’t know you. I liked how you thought about what the ducks would like to eat; I liked that your Mum’s boss understood you, and saved some peas for you to give to the ducks. I liked that you got an ice cream for your Mum too.

You seem to be a kind person, with a kind Mum who sometimes gets stressed, and a kind boss. And you are learning how important it is to communicate well with people. I think you’re amazing too!