Update: AITA for Not Letting My Husband into the Labor Room and Picking Our Child’s Name?
Nearly a year after refusing her husband into the labor room and naming their child independently, a mother shares her journey through divorce, custody battles, and personal growth. Her husband’s affair with her best friend unraveled their marriage, but she’s rebuilding her life while navigating co-parenting challenges. Read the full update below…
‘ Update: AITA for Not Letting My Husband into the Labor Room and Picking Our Child’s Name?’
“My husband had been cheating on me with my best friend while I was pregnant. I was close to giving birth and decided not to have my then-husband in the labor room with me. I also chose a name for our baby that he didn’t agree with.” Like I said, it’s basically been a whole year.
My baby turned one today, and after celebrating his birthday and Christmas with my kids, it finally hit me this is my new reality. First of all, my ex-husband and I finally went through with the divorce proceedings. I had been holding it off during my pregnancy and early postpartum period to avoid added stress and to carefully plan for my children and myself.
I was awarded primary physical custody of our children. Their dad visits once a week, and the two older kids (7 and 4) spend every other weekend with him. My youngest will start doing the same in a couple of months, which makes me nervous. He’s especially c**ngy with me, all my kids are but my youngest has really only known me as the most present parent.
One of the main stipulations in our custody agreement is that my ex’s affair partner is prohibited from seeing the kids. My poor kids have been confused enough by their parents’ sudden split, and I didn’t want them even more confused by seeing their “aunt,” who is supposed to be Mommy’s best friend, with their dad.
It was deemed emotionally detrimental in court. As for the baby name, he’s been so bitter about it; I think he’s still annoyed about it. His side has been trying to convince me to change the name to something we’d both like, especially after the divorce was finalized. But it’s been a year now, and the baby quite literally answers by the name I gave him, so I’m not going to be changing it.
He was also unhappy with the child support payments, among other payments, and asked for some revisions. One main thing he asked to change was the cost of our kid’s school tuition, he pays for their tuition, which he felt was too much and too harsh. But the court stuck with the original payments.
As for my ex-husband and ex-best friend, they continued dating. I found out that they had started seeing each other a month into my third pregnancy. They had actually slept together during my second pregnancy but didn’t pursue a relationship then because, as they put it, “they weren’t ready to ruin things and didn’t want to hurt anybody.”
My exes side have been very supportive of their relationship, even inviting her to holiday gathering like thanksgivings or family holidays. Because of this my kids don’t go very often to these events. I don’t know after this whole fiasco I’m coming to the realisation that perhaps my exes side never really liked me all that much. But that’s okay.
I eventually spoke with my ex-best friend to ask why they did it. She claimed that they were just friends but grew close while she was dealing with issues involving her deadbeat ex-boyfriend. Both of them insisted that my ex-husband just wanted to “protect her,” which supposedly turned into “love.”
Hearing this hurt me a lot, but at the same time, I felt relieved to know the truth. When I sat with this information for a while, it stopped hurting. It made me realize that I didn’t still love my ex-husband and could finally let go of him and their betrayal. They broke up a week ago. Apparently, it’s just a break, though who knows.
Although my kids go to their dad’s house every other weekend, it has helped a lot with making time for myself. Obviously, I’m figuring out who I am without being a wife or mom all the time. In many ways, I find what happened to be a true blessing, which is why I’m no longer angry.
As for me, I’ve been seeing someone. It hasn’t been very long, nor is it that serious yet but we get along great. Initially, my ex-husband made the whole situation difficult. He didn’t want me to have any man, specifically, around the kids.
Check out how the community responded:
chedeng − They broke up a week ago. Apparently, it’s just a break, though who knows.. Of course they did. He didn’t want me to have any man, specifically, around the kids. Rich coming from Mr. “I fucked your best friend”. You go on and live your best life and he’ll go crazy. F**k him
Trailsya − Good job. Never let that snake “friend” back into your life, even if she comes crawling back now.
Fit_Try_2657 − Of course he didn’t want a man around the kids even though he was boffing your best friend! What a piece of work. Congrats for sorting yourself out, and good luck with the baby.
Background_Fox6436 − Both of your ex’s (bestie and husband) are d**che bags. Both of them should have put the breaks on when they felt they were getting too close. Neither of them have any honor. I am so sorry you went through that. I am glad you met someone better, and your ex can pound sand about him being around you and the kids.
After what he did, he has nothing to say. It takes time to carve out a life for yourself after being married and kids, and all that goes with that. You are doing great! As time goes on, it gets easier. I wish you the very best!
BrilliantEmphasis862 − I remember your story, glad things are turning around for you.
Chaoticgood790 − Lucky for you your ex is your ex. And thus irrelevant. Dont intro anyone before 6 months. And if he has something to say just remind him that at least you weren’t f**king someone during your marriage.
mpan2501 − oh sweet girl it’s so nice to hear from you i remember your post….what an aweful, painful experience you went and continue to go through….i’m glad you’re doing so much better and i hope you take it one day at a time
Ok_Resource_8530 − Now that he has broke up with your ex-besty, his family will all of the sudden be ‘on your side’ and want to spend more time with the kids. Don’t allow it. Tell them they showed you and THEIR GRANDKIDS how much they actually cared about them and put his affair partner above them so you will not force your kids to have a relationship with them.
Tell them when the kids get older, they will figure out on their own just how despicable their father, his family, and his AP were, and NO, YOU WILL NOT BE A MEDIATOR FOR THEM.
Sweet-Interview5620 − Its clear why he spilt up with affair partner now, op has suddenly moved on with a new man, it was completely fine with ex for him to be with someone else, but you had to never move on and effectively stay his or alone forever.
Now he knows you’re with someone else it’s suddenly eating him up the reality he’s lost you and that you can be with whoever you want. His anger, jealousy and clear sign he still has wants you has been causing problems in his now relationship.
Let’s be clear she’s always known she stole another’s man and now she sees he will never solely be hers that you will always matter to him to if not more. Not to mention once a c**ater always a c**ater so there’s a possibility she’s got it in her head you’re a threat and he may want to start back with you.
Yes it’s a guess but the ti ing of it all is too coincidental for that and I’m pretty sure it’s some version of this. I’ve seen it happen before were the cheating spouse suddenly can’t take their ex moving on with another. Suddenly the c**ater is declaring they were a fool and made a mistake that their ex would only ever be the true one for them.
Either way if that’s true or not I’m so glad things are a lot better for you now and that your finding your happiness. You deserve it and please always remember your showing your kids what a strong mother and woman looks like. That they will never tolerate being made less than.
bouhoub − Did he break up with the ex-best friend after he learned that you are seeing someone?
This mother’s story is one of resilience and rediscovery. How would you handle betrayal and moving forward while prioritizing your children? Share your thoughts or similar experiences in the comments below!