Update: AITA for not kicking out my roommate just because my girlfriend thinks he might be trans?

Hey everyone, I’m really sorry it’s taken so long to update. Link to original post: https://aita.pics/hIrLa

‘ Update: AITA for not kicking out my roommate just because my girlfriend thinks he might be trans?’

I’ve been focusing on my mental health and keeping up with school, but overall, I’m doing better than I ever have. I’ve been going to therapy every week (it’ll be every other week starting in January), attending a domestic violence support group every other week, playing D&D weekly, and I’ve made several new friends through the support group and D&D. Honestly, if it weren’t for Alex, I’m not sure I’d have made it this far. He’s driven me to therapy, gone to the support group with me even though he didn’t need to, got me into D&D, and introduced me to his friends, who are now also my friends.

As for Sarah (who I regret giving that fake name because one of my new friends has the same name), she’s in jail. After my initial post, Sarah tried to show up at my apartment, but because she was on the do not let in list, she wasn’t allowed in. Instead, she waited for another resident to open the gate, ducked behind their car, and tried to sneak in. She was caught immediately, and the landlord called the police to issue her a formal trespass notice. After that, I began the process of getting a PPO.

A week later, Sarah was arrested on charges unrelated to my apartment. She was arrested for trespassing (after warning), resisting without violence, and disorderly conduct. She’s currently in jail, awaiting her court date. It’s likely not going to go well for her since she was already on probation for a second DWI/DUI, and one of the conditions of her probation was to not break the law. How do I know all this? A mutual friend posted it on his snap story.

More good news, my PPO was approved on Monday. It took too long in my opinion but whatever, it’s finally done. Now, for some difficult news: I’m officially no contact with my mom. I know, logically, this is the right decision because she’s not a healthy person, but it still hurts. After talking with my therapist and in support group, I realized that my views on healthy relationships and abuse were really warped, especially by my mom.

I know some might say it’s important to forgive her or at least give her a chance to change, but I just can’t. I can’t bring myself to forgive her. She neglected me as a child, physically and verbally abused me into adulthood, and even encouraged me to date an adult when I was a minor. After reflecting on everything, I also can’t bring myself to say I love her. I realize I only felt that way out of obligation and pity.

My mom was taken advantage of when she was a minor, which led to her pregnancy with me, and I do feel bad for her. But instead of seeking help, she chose not to. Now, I’m using her as a reverse moral compass, whatever she did, I now try to do the opposite. This Christmas, I’m spending time with Alex and his family, which I guess is now also my family. I’m really thankful for the continued support from all of you, and I’ll try to provide more updates moving forward.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

kam49ers4ever −  I’m glad things are going well for you. I read your initial posts and I was hoping for the best. Remember, found families, for a lot of us, are greater than bio family.

chaingun_samurai −  You’ve got a roommate that always pays rent on time, helps around the house, and shares their food.. You cannot put a price on that.

Vuk-a −  So glad you’re on a path to a healthier and brighter future. There will be dark days but as long as you choose things that make you happy you’ll be ok. Stay safe and remember to reflect on whether things have a positive place in your life. Hope you have a happy holidays.

SurroundMiserable262 −  I just wanted to say you are my hero…and this is a beautiful love story. This is a story of a guy who prioritised a trans man…not because he was trans but he cleaned the dishes and kept the place tidy and didn’t bring any drama and not giving a f**k if he had a scars on his chest on not.

Literally you did the bare minimum of caring, hey he cleans up after himself and no drama I’m happy with that. That shows no finer level of acceptance than I can think of. You treated him like you would try any other male roommate who did the same and that is acceptance for him.

Secondly you have come to discover that a relationship where a woman who is several years older than you waited to you were legal age to be with you, who hit you and verbally abused you was toxic. There is a reason she is with someone younger…older people wouldn’t tolerate her s**t. Know your worth because you are hella awesome. She is taking herself out with her actions and it is beautiful to watch. Just sit back and revel in the beauty of karma.

Next your mom. You survived abuse and g**lighting. It’s time to prioritise yourself. Honestly your mom has seen your roommate I’d go along the lines of “Honestly Sarah thinks because my roommmate does the dishes he’s a woman and was born a woman and as a result I’m going to f**k a dude” use her anti-gay stance to do the work for you. But no contact is perfect.

I’m so happy you found a friend in Alex. He sounds awesome. I hope you find comfort and healing in the new year and move on to a beautiful happy life. You have learnt to love and respect yourself and showed a kindness and compassion to your roommate by just thinking ‘Alex is Alex’. That is a beautiful story of loving yourself and your friends.

DH-Canada −  Hi Jason. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. None of it is fair and you deserved so much better. You seem like such a decent person. It seems miraculous that someone like you emerged from such terrible circumstances, but it speaks to your fundamental goodness as a person. The awful things you’ve gone through couldn’t stamp it out – it belongs to you for life and the world is better for it! Wishing you continued personal growth. And peace.

Pumpkin_Witch13 −  I wish you and Alex the best! You both sound like really awesome people.

ratat-atat −  I remember when you originally posted, I’m glad it turned out this way, im sorry it was such a difficult time, im very happy to see all the self improvement, keep on heading towards better things!

Impressive-Chain-68 −  You don’t have to give in to weaponized Christianity where you do the forgive people part while they get the unearned privilege of NOT doing the repenting of what they did and fixing it with you first part. That’s just a free pass for evildoers and bad guys, and no one should go along with it. 

Rowana133 −  I’m so proud of you! I know it seems small, but you are taking all the right steps to move forward to a better and healthier you. I’m very happy for you.

NoBigEEE −  Yay you and yay Alex! Good luck and take care.