UPDATE: AITA for not explicitly telling my grandpa I’m married to another woman?

A Redditor updated their story about not explicitly telling their grandpa they were married to another woman. After initially being nervous to share the news, they later learned that their mom had already informed him about the relationship, though not the marriage.

The Redditor waited for the right time to tell their grandpa, and when they did, his reaction was surprisingly positive, even expressing excitement about a future wedding celebration. The Redditor feels relieved that their grandpa is handling the news well and is now looking forward to the celebration. Read the full story below.

‘ UPDATE: AITA for not explicitly telling my grandpa I’m married to another woman?’

I just want to thank everyone who commented, I read through them all and it really helped me process the situation. I spoke with my mom a few hours the night after I posted, and she apologized for her comment about my wife and I “hanging all over each other”. I apologized for putting her in the situation she was in and that I genuinely thought that he had known.

She basically said that it was ok, he knows now, and not to worry. She had talked to him and told him that we were together but didn’t tell him we were married, which she said needed to come from me. I agreed. I said I was going to give him some time to process and reflect on things, and that I didn’t want to reach out too soon before he was ready.

I waited a week to talk to him, in that time an aunt of mine said she spoke with him. They spoke for a while and his general sentiment was that he was worried that we could lead happy lives together, i.e. could we find a home? Could we have kids? Would we be able to keep our jobs? She said they had a really good talk and that she was able to reassure him on his worries. She told me I should talk to him and give him a chance to see how happy we are.

This weekend I went to visit him. My aunt and mom came with too. After we chatted for a while I told my grandpa that I had some news. I told him that my wife and I had actually gotten married this summer. I made it clear that it was a very small ceremony, and that our parents couldn’t even attend.

And that because of that we are planning on having a big wedding celebration in a year or two after covid is over so all of our family and friends could celebrate. I explained that I was just nervous to tell him, and that I was worried what he would think. He said “well I’m 85! My opinion doesn’t matter!”

We talked a little bit more, I made sure to mention that we were very happy, and that our jobs knew and our neighbors knew when we bought our house. I also mentioned that my wife’s parents went to the same college my parents and all my mom’s siblings went to, and he thought that was pretty cool.

I told him that I didn’t have a chance to tell grandma before she passed, and that I really miss her and had hoped she could see how happy we were together. We all had a little cry and talked about how much we miss her.

The next morning, a different aunt called me and said that when she went and visited grandpa he was all excited. “Did you hear we’re going to have a big party after covid? (OP) is having a wedding celebration!” She and I had a good talk and it sounds like grandpa is doing well with the news and that everything worked out ok!!!

These are the responses from Reddit users:

OutrageousText4914 −  Ngl I teared up at the end after reading how excited your grandpa is for your wedding :’) I’m so happy for you and your wife, and glad everything went well after the original post

zyocuh −  Glad it worked out, but do you still think you aren’t close with your grandpa? Last thread you said you werent close and called him once a week. That is probably far closer than most people have with their own grandparents. Once a week is a lot for many adult friendships.

niamhk13 −  Lovely update! a different aunt called me and said that when she went and visited grandpa he was all excited. “Did you hear we’re going to have a big party after covid? (OP) is having a wedding celebration!”. My heart 💓 this is so sweet

Allthatisevil −  Aw, what a wholesome story! I love your grandpa and the entire family.

hello_friendss −  Glad it worked out in the end for you. I was originally sadden for your grandfather to read that you choose to exclude him from the news.

EffectiveStatus7 −  Such a wholesome ending! I’m so glad everything has worked out. Yay!! 💙

whatsweetmadness −  I’m so glad everything worked out! I moved in with my husband before marriage (gasp!) and my mom was so worried my very old very Christian great aunt would kick up a fuss. When she told her, her response was literally, “Well, that’s what young people do these days.” Lol. Sometimes people surprise you in the best way. 🙂

ivysaurus0101010 −  I’m so glad everything turned out ok! I’m also very sorry about your grandmother. I was pretty much in the same situation where my grandmother passed before I could tell her my husband and I married.

At her funeral, my aunt (who had been taking care of my grandmother) said that she asked and talked about me all the time and that she was glad I was living with someone I loved. Since she thought we weren’t married she said we were “so modern!” which makes me laugh whenever I think about it.

Even if your grandmother didn’t know you were a couple, I’m sure she was happy for you anyway to be spending so much time with someone you love, even if she thought you were only friends. (Also, I’m tearing up now 😭)

BZArcher −  I had an experience a lot like yours with my grandpa and my transition. My family kept dancing around it for over a year before I could finally just tell him, and after his initial “Oh, you can do that?” he’s been amazing and full of support. I wish you, your wife, and your grandpa an amazing party when it’s safe to throw it!

SenatorRobPortman −  Congratulations. Nice to see everyone apologize and understand one another.

Do you think the Redditor handled the situation well by waiting for the right moment to tell their grandpa? How would you approach a similar conversation with a family member who might have concerns about your relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences below!