Update: AITA for “letting” my ex and my kids’ half siblings”be poor” when I could help?
A Reddit user shares an update about their ex-partner, who has fallen on hard times after leaving a wealthy boyfriend and now faces financial struggles while pregnant with another child. The ex reached out for help, asking to stay at the user’s lake house and for financial support.
The user refused, asserting they have no obligation to assist her, which led to heated arguments and accusations of being an asshole for not helping “family.” Read the full story below to see how others are weighing in on this complex situation.
‘ Update: AITA for “letting” my ex and my kids’ half siblings”be poor” when I could help?’
I have an ex with whom I share two kids (13M & 12M). Our relationship did not work out and we broke up seven years ago. Since I was the financially stable one, she wanted me to have full custody. I have had full custody ever since.
She has visitation, but she only uses it intermittently. Quickly after the breakup, she started dating a guy “with money.” He is from overseas. She quickly got pregnant by the guy and they had a son.
The guy did not want to “raise someone else’s kids,” so she moved three hours away and completely stopped seeing our kids for almost two years. It turns out the guys’ money was actually family money, and when his conservative family found out about my ex and the baby, they cut them off.
Also, their son had some developmental issues. She got pregnant again and a few months later, her BF left and returned to his home country. She is now 6-ish months pregnant with no job and taking care of a disabled kid.
She called me last week and asked me for financial help. They are living out of a motel and she is running out of money. I have a lake house about 30 minutes from her. She asked if she could stay there. I said “no.”
She asked if I would send her money, I said, “no.” She called me an AH. She said that I am letting “my family” suffer unnecessarily when I have the means to help. I told I have no obligation to help. We have been arguing ever since.. AITA.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
FairyFartDaydreams − NTA She could have gone through a women’s shelter and social services. This is on her
BlueGreen_1956 − NTA – “She quickly got pregnant by the guy and they had a son.” A woman “quickly” has a son with a man who has money? Hmm. I wonder. As for her request for your help, she really is an entitled, worthless piece of s**t.
She abandons her kids for a man, and she thinks you should step up and bail her out? B**lshit. It’s almost like she doesn’t want to be held accountable\* for her choices. \*I apologize to the Reddit brigade for using the word “accountable.” I know how triggering it can be.
soogx0 − NTA. Not your responsibility to bail out her poor choices. You did your part for *your* kids, and that’s all you owe here.
YourGhostFriendo − This is a great update! Her kid now has a chance at being properly cared for by someone who isnt a disgusting m**ipulative leech. She abandoned her children for some guy and now feels entitled to your money?
If anyone should be giving anyone money its her to you in the form of child support. Dont help her in any way or you will never see the end of it. She will want more and more and more.
ZaharaSaffron −That’s a tough situation. It sounds like you set clear boundaries and stuck to them, which is important for your own well-being and that of your kids. It’s unfortunate how things turned out, but you can’t be responsible for everyone else’s choices.
KeyHovercraft2637 − NTA! You are taking full time care of your children had together. You are not responsible for her shallow choices. There are resources for her to apply for especially with her son’s disability.
She won’t be rich but hopefully will have a safe place to live and food for her children. There’s also women’s shelters, churches with outreach programs and food kitchens. It definitely stinks for her and her kids but it has nothing to do with you.
PurpleHippocraticOof − NTA she absolutely would’ve continued to d**p all her drama on you and squatted in your lake house if you’d allowed her to move there and the agreement didn’t work out for whatever reason. Not your monkeys, not your circus.
checkoutmywheeeppit − The cowbag didn’t have a problem letting go of family when she thought she found a man who ejaculated money, did she? NTA
evilcj925 − “Your family” are your kids. She is not part of your family, and neither is her son. She stopped even seeing her children with you, so that shows how much she really cares about them. Her crawling back for money is just her greed.
You don’t owe her anything, and if your kids have not even seen her in two years, after years of sparatic contact, doubt they miss her much.Stay focused on your kids, and don’t worry about what happens to her.. NTA
ConvivialKat − NTA – It’s not your job to buy sheets for the bed she’s made.
Do you think the user is justified in refusing to help their ex and her children, or should they have stepped in to assist? How would you navigate a situation where past relationships and current responsibilities collide? Share your thoughts below!