UPDATE: AITA for “imposing my culture” even though I thought I was just being nice?

A Redditor shares an update on her recent breakup after discovering her boyfriend’s bizarre scheme to push her into an open relationship.

After feeling pressure from his parents about marriage, her boyfriend orchestrated a plan where he pretended his parents were upset with her, hoping she’d beg for forgiveness and ultimately agree to an open relationship to keep the peace.

When he confessed this to her, she was devastated by his deception and manipulation. Instead of agreeing to his terms, she broke up with him, laughing him out the door and later visited his parents to clear the air and maintain a relationship with them.

‘ UPDATE: AITA for “imposing my culture” even though I thought I was just being nice?’

After my last update I told my bf I was sick and tired of him dancing around the issue with his parents and I was going to go over to their house whether he liked it or not. At this point I think he realized that whatever he was doing had backfired so he sat down all angry and told me he’d explain.

I sat and he told me that he’d done something very spur of the moment and that he’d texted me from his dad’s phone then blocked the number but begged me to listen. That he just needed to get his parents off me for a while and to not leave.

Apparently his parents had started hinting at him about marriage since my bf and I talked a lot about it. I fully expected to marry him as I said in another comment, and was honestly expecting a proposal in late spring since that’s when we met.

Four years dating didn’t bother me but I was getting excited to settle down. However, my bf apparently realized that he absolutely didn’t want to commit to anything and wanted to experiment and have fun since I “wasn’t being fun anymore”.

Honestly that just made me cry since we were each other’s firsts for everything and usually very good at communicating our needs.
His grand plan was to get him mad at me so I would beg for forgiveness and then he’d only accept an open relationship as an answer.

Absolutely brilliant plan I know. He’d made up his parents getting mad but didn’t expect me to blow off dinner completely and it’s like “hitting a jackpot”, his words not mine. He went over for dinner, hid the flowers and said we’d gotten into a huge fight but he was “going to fix it” but I needed space.

After he confessed all this he said he was very sorry but really didn’t want to miss out on new experiences when he was still young and would I consider an open relationship but pretend ours was strained with his parents so they wouldn’t get suspicious?

And…..I laughed. I laughed his ass right out the door and told him absolutely not and to leave me alone while I packed because I wanted to have some new experiences too!!! He never stopped begging me to stay but I left to sleep at a friend’s.

After calming down for a few days I cemented the breakup and finally, actually went over to his parent’s. My ex-bf’s dad never even noticed the phone missing but still apologized and his mom was a mess.

I did and still love them and will eat dinner there without *him* as often as I can. I won’t lie that I’m sad about four years down the drain, but that’s life. And if that was my ex’s best possible plan then I dodged the bullet by a mile.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Vilnius_Nastavnik −  I LOVE that you went over there and filled his parents in on the real story. He was so concerned about keeping up appearances for his parents that he straight up waged psychological warfare on you, but now it’s all nice and out in the open. Gonna be awkward for him at holidays for a few years.

Ill-Money-1521 −  Your ex is an incredibly m**ipulative, immature c**ard. You dodged a huge bullet with that one.

On_The_Blindside −  Wow, just wow, i honestly can’t believe your ***ex***-boyfriend. He wanted his cake and to eat it to. Why on earth he thought that’d work i have no idea. Congrats of being rid of him, go live your life, have fun, go get new experiences!

Rowanever −  Well isn’t that some impressive arsefoolery. If that’s your ex’s idea of a cunning plan, I’d hate to see his badly thought-out flops! Eesh.

Good on you for staying true to yourself through all of this. I’m glad you’re out of it. Best of luck finding a new place and rebuilding the parts of your life you thought he was integral to.

kingfisher52nd −  I’m so so glad you laughed him out of there. 4 years in that must have been hard in its own way but you are going on to so much better – who has an open relationship after 4 years together?! So glad you’re okay OP, much love <3

[Reddit User] −  Holy s**t. I remember reading & commenting on your 1st post. I knew your ex was lying about something. It was so clear that no one would be mad about gift-giving.

But this plan is so beyond stupid it’s … *???* … your ex seriously believed he could manipulate you bringing his parents a gift into this bad thing that he couldn’t forgive unless you agreed to open up the relationship.

We can all tell from your posts that you’re a catch & a one-in-a-million. Unfortunately, the whole “guy getting itchy feet so tries to force his partner to open the relationship” isn’t an uncommon scenario. These are the common ways it plays out:

1.) In 6 months to a year, your ex will realise how s**tty & difficult it is to be single & meet someone in 2022 & will try & insert himself back into your life. 2.) As soon as you meet someone else, he realises he f- up & tried to reinsert himself back into your life

3.A.) Your ex has already been talking to someone & had someone lined up for this “open relationship”. Ex seems to move on quickly but you hear from him as soon as you move on or they break up.

3.B.) Your ex had someone lined up but it turns out he was delusional & misread the situation & is begging for you back within weeks once he realises he blew up your relationship for nothing.

Just be prepared because as much as you want to stay in touch with your former in-laws, unfortunately that may not be possible because of your ex. You are so much better off without someone like that in your life & I wish you well.

aitacultureclash −  A few quick answered questions;. Yes, my bf’s parents do share a phone. I don’t find it particularly strange since they use facebook, videochat friends, play candy crush etc. on their ipads and don’t have much use for a phone.

They find ipads easier to use and also go everywhere together (very cute I know) so if someone really does need to call them the other is right there.. Previously my bf had absolutely no problem whatsoever with me bringing gifts anywhere.

Like I said in a comment he’d helped me pick things out before and is usually great at communicating whenever he feels we need to talk about something which is why I was so confused with him. He knows it’s how I was raised and was respectful to every other aspect of my upbringing.

His parents are not poor and raised him with good manners and etiquette.. I saw a lot of other people comment on what I was bringing, and no, I wasn’t bringing gigantic vases with wilted flowers or an entire cake or multiple bottles of the same type of wine every week.

Whenever I did bring something edible it was small and we’d usually consume it with dinner and as for the flowers I’d usually just leave them in the plastic wrap they came with with water. The vase was a rare thing that my bf’s mom could’ve used for dozens of things since it was a clear glass.

I also wanted to add that I’m so sorry the mods here had to deal with all the remind me update spam, I quite literally got thousands of replies and follows and update messages so I can’t imagine how busy and stressful it was for you.

People were still doing it after you told them not to! I’d go crazy trying to sort through and delete what’s necessary but you all did an amazing job, thank you!

wtfmop −  So based on the ages your partner was a 24 year old virgin that found a 19 year old and then 4 years later tried to manipulate you into an open relationship. Nothing wrong with being a virgin at that age btw. Worse yet, this manipulation included his own parents.

Your partner sounds like a previous possible incel who has convinced himself that he could get so many girls now. I’m glad you’ve put yourself first and he can see how successful he is. When he strikes out, please please please do not take him back – he’s showed you how he really feels about you.

ed_lv −  Good Riddance. It sucks that you wasted 4 years on this i**ot, but at least this came out before you got marred or had kids.
Stay 100% no contact with him, and do not take him back no matter how much he begs you to get back together (which he inevitably will)

One-Stranger −  Wow OP sounds like you dodged a MASSIVE bullet with him. He didn’t deserve you at all, what a m**ipulative piece of sh!t, glad you’re still able to have a relationship with his parents.

Do you think the Redditor made the right choice in ending the relationship after her ex’s manipulative scheme came to light? Have you ever faced a situation where honesty and clear communication made all the difference? Share your thoughts and experiences below!