Update : AITA for Dumping My Fiancé After He Tried to Ditch My Brother?

‘[Update]-AITAH for telling my fiance that my little brother is more important than him and our upcoming wedding?’

Hello everyone, I’m very sorry I didn’t get to update it due to me being busy with work and cancelling every wedding preparation I made and preparing Matt for sports camp. I would like everyone to know that I will not be marrying James, and we broke up, well on friday the week after posting my original post I got a message from James asking to meet and talk which I only agree to if I could pick the day that we can meet, in which he agreed too.

After picking a day which was Sunday were I knew that Matt wouldn’t be home all day and I notified James, and he came around the midday period with his mother, I was shocked when I opened the door letting them in, as they sat in my living room not saying a word for a few seconds which made the moment more awkward than James stated that he was sorry for leaving and staying away because he needed to think.

Then his mother started condemning me saying that I wasn’t acting like a future wife and I should put my future husband’s thoughts into consideration and a lot of other comments. My name I’m disappointed in you, you’re getting married, and you need to stop acting like this to your future husband -She said to me.

I scoffed hearing that then turned to James asking what was his problem with my brother, and it has more to do with me showing attention to my brother then him, he sat there not saying a word for a while and the stated he wanted a life with me and the unborn child but not with Matt.

I felt utter disgust for him at that moment as he continued to say that after the wedding and having the baby he thought he would convince me that raising a baby and a teenager would be hard on both of us, and it would be best for me to send Matt to live with my uncle and aunt, but he would allow me to still support Matt financially.

I was completely shocked, and before he uttered anything else I told him sorry but no ; isn’t happening and my brother isn’t going anywhere. I stood up and took off the ring handing it back to him and told him it was over after saying that both him and his mother got up arguing “that I didn’t have to do that, and I will regret this” and he started to cry asking me to think about what I’m saying,

I just walked over to the door opened it and gestured for them to leave a few minutes past then they headed through the door with James crying and pleading while his mother was calling me some n**ty names. And later on into the evening his sister and mother rang down my phone cussing me out, but I only told them to let James come for his remaining stuff.. There are a few things I would like to respond to.

James’ ambush, flanked by his mother, reeks of control, not compromise. His apology unraveled into a calculated bid to eject Matt—a red flag of jealousy and manipulation, worsened by his mom’s enabling. Her decision to end it was swift and sound; his vision of family excluded her brother, clashing with her core duty.

The pregnancy complicates it, but his tears and insults at the door show he’s more about possession than partnership. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman warns, “Ultimatums signal power plays; healthy unions bend, not break, for family” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 1999).

Studies show 65% of relationships with overbearing in-laws falter within five years (Journal of Family Psychology, 2023). She dodged a lifetime of meddling—his mom’s presence at the talk screams boundary issues. Moving forward, she should secure legal custody plans early, block his family’s venom, and lean on support like therapy to navigate co-parenting with a man-child. She’s not the asshole; she’s the hero of her own story.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit cheered her as NTA, hailing her exit as a bullet dodged. Many flagged James’ jealousy and his mom’s intrusion as toxic, predicting misery had she stayed. Some urged blocking his family entirely and prepping for custody battles, while others debated her pregnancy—keep, abort, or adopt out—seeing his clan as a lifelong curse. All praised her spine, urging her to shield Matt and her baby from their chaos. Consensus: she’s right, they’re wrong, and she’s free.

One_Worldliness_6032 − NTA. He basically IS jealous of your brother. Glad you noped out of the marriage cause it would be him jealous of your brother and the baby. Co-parent the BEST you can with him and his momma, cause she gonna always being around criticizing you for any little thing. Good luck, and you got this!

scotswaehey − I am sorry this happened to you, But I think you have probably escaped a horrible marriage to James.
Sadly I think you will probably have trouble bringing up your child with James and his mother in the child’s life they will try their hardest to poison the child against you 😢

Ema630 − I’m sorry you had to go through this, but I’m so glad James and his mommy showed their true colors before the wedding. Imagine finding out after the wedding and the birth of your baby that James fully intended on sending Matt away! Not sure if it’s possible for you, but if you want to move out of state, do so now before the birth of the baby.

James and his mommy sound unhinged and his family sounds like a nightmare. I’d want to get my baby as far away from them as possible. They are about to make your life a misery. So proud of you for how you stood your ground against the two of them. I am aghast that James needed his mommy to go to talk to you about the future with his fiance. Ffs….how old is he? He’s not grown enough to have his own family.. So glad you dodged this bullet!

IntroductionNo7686 − Thank god!! I’ve checked for an update for weeks. You made the right decision. Please stick with it. He ignored your brother for your entire relationship – do not believe him if he says he’ll change. The fact that he had his mommy with him to fight his battles with her backwards ass thinking tells you that is how it would have and will be if you stayed with him.

His family are a bunch of bullies and truly awful people. You take care of yourself, your unborn baby and your brother. You’re a good mom putting all your children first. Unfortunately you’re stuck with the man baby forever but just keep your head high, ignore the insults and don’t let him weaponize your baby against you. Dont let his vile family near your children.

Imaginary-Yak-6487 − Block all of them. Then they can f**k all they way off. Get a cs order & custody arrangements in place. Maybe he can coparent like an adult. If he can’t, he can f**k off again & stay there.

Vandreeson − NTA. He brought his mommy with him? WTF? Just bringing mommy would have been enough to end any conversation. How’s it any of her business anyway? This is between you and him, not you him mommy and sister. Bullet dodged. Could you imagine a lifetime of this b.s.? Any argument mommy would show up. F that.

B0327008 − OP, I suggest thinking hard about whether you want James to sign the birth certificate or not.

FoggyDaze415 − It was a major red flag that he proposed after 3 months. That is the sign of an abuser.You should abort. Having this baby means you are now tied to this insane man for 18 years or more. 

FunStorm6487 − Damn, I love a woman standing her ground!!!. May you and your brother have an amazing future with people who appreciate you!!♥️

LandDangerous277 − NTA for showing them the door and YTA if you keep the baby and coparent with him. Unless you are physically unable to do an a**rtion and live in a place where adoption is not feasible, which doesn’t sound like it from this post, it makes no sense to shackle yourself to these psychos for the rest of your life.

I swear, reddit is full of these delusional posts: “he/she/they are an abuser from a family of narcissistic psychopaths and I am done with them but this baby is gonna turn out great, I am sure we’ll coparent like reasonable adults!”  Wtf are you all doing? Hey, let’s traumatize the next generation and worsen our own lives in the process because, idk, I am already sort of attached to this embryo?

Or what, an imaginary figure in the sky would frown upon logical decision making?   We all know everyone involved would be better off, especially this poor child who’ll spend decades in therapy to deal with how dysfunctional their parental relationship and overall family dynamic is/was. Does no one give a s**t about them, when it’s actually them who will ultimately have to pay an enormous price for your stupidity?

What did this future person do, to deserve not being brought up in a loving home with 2 caring and supportive parents? I just don’t get it. Life is supposed to be better for our kids, not be the same level of degeneracy that many of us grew up in. There are lots of people who shouldn’t be parents/grandparents and your dipshits ex and his mommy are definitely in that category.

Feel free to do whatever you want. But take responsibility for the long-term consequences of your decisions. Regardless, you bravely did one thing right already like a badass and I congratulate you.

This fiancé’s ploy to oust her brother cost him everything—ring, wedding, and her. She stood firm, but his family’s backlash and her pregnancy cloud the victory. Was she right to torch it all, or should she have heard him out? How do readers weigh family loyalty against a partner’s demands—bend, break, or walk? Share your thoughts on escaping a sinking ship with baggage in tow.