UPDATE, AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister?
A Reddit user who previously shared their struggles with being forced into a caretaker role for their mentally handicapped sister provides an update. After confiding in their grandfather, they learned troubling details about their parents, including financial deceit and neglect regarding their sister’s care.
With the support of extended family, the user confronted their parents, who did not offer an apology but insisted the user was obligated to care for their sister.
Ultimately, the user decided to move in with their grandfather and cut ties with their parents, feeling supported by their family, though still uneasy about the situation. They’ve come to realize that they love their sister and regret the resentment they once felt towards her.
‘ UPDATE, AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister?’
I started by telling my grandpa the story of why I broke down the way I did and to be honest, he seemed horrified. No one in my family knew my parents were using me as essentially a free care service for my sister.
My grandpa told me some things that I don’t feel comfortable repeating here but in essence my sister is “supposed” to be getting care from a professional and that my parents were ignoring that, along with this I was not supposed to be caring for her at all with her mental state as apparently she is a danger to herself and others.
With everything else I told him, along with stuff like the movie indecent he was really mad and told me to not contact my parents without him there. He pretty much told me that he would be meeting with my parents beforehand and that he was going to be there when I sat down with them.
It didn’t end here either, the rest of the week consisted of other family checking in on me and telling me things my parents hid from me. This included the fact that my parents have been taking money from family to fund a “caretaker” that doesn’t exist. Suffice to say, this week has been rough.
But, the upside is that even through all this, my extended family has been giving me more love than i’ve felt in a while. My grandfather spent this last week “making up for the time i’ve lost.” Encouraging me to spend time with friends and do things I want to do.
My aunts and uncles have also been helping me through the week. Well, Saturday night I sat down with parents to talk. It went badly to say the least. They came clean to me about everything. They told me things I will not repeat here. But they did not apologize.
My parents still claim that I some how owed my sister my time. My father even saying “You were put here to be her caretaker”. I won’t lie and say I was composed. After everything i learned I confronted them. On the fact that my sister needed a caretaker.
The money my dad was taking from his sister, and a few other things. They denied it or made excuses. And in the end, we ended off in a worse place than before. Today will be my last time talking to them for a while. After talking with my grandfather and uncle last night, I’m not going back.
Later today i’m going there and picking up my stuff and moving in with my grandfather. When I graduate high school i’m planning on leaving the state to go to school. My aunt has told me that the money she was sending my dad will be instead be coming to me from now on.
My parents have called me twice since Saturday, neither of them were to apologize and only ask when I was coming home. I won’t be going back to them. Right now I still feel pretty uneasy about everything but I feel like that will pass.
The rest of my family is showing their support to me and honestly, it feel great. But in the end I lost my parents. Over all of this, i’ve learned something that I wished I saw earlier.
I don’t hat my sister. In fact I love her with all my heart. I should never have never projected my hate onto her. That was wrong, and someday I hope to make up for it. But for now I need to leave.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
darkxxmist01 − Wow. OP’s grandfather is a saint.
[Reddit User] − I’m glad your other family is coming through for you, OP. I strongly suggest you still get a therapist to help you unpack the years of harm your parents did to you. Also, yay Grandpa. He sounds awesome.. Good luck, OP.
Caktis − This update is a needed one. My heart broke reading your original post. While things aren’t on great terms with your immediate family, it truly warms my heart to see that your extended family is going through great lengths to make up for lost time.
While your road ahead may be dark, and bumpy, know you have a lot of love surrounding you, here, and with your extended family. We are all rooting for you. Go, enjoy your freedoms, and be loved.
ioriana − I’ve never clicked on a post as fast as when I saw this update. I am both so glad and sorry for how things turned out. I’m glad your extended family is taking such good care if you but so sorry your parents s**k so much.
[Reddit User] − My parents have called me twice since Saturday, neither of them were to apologize and only ask when I was coming home.
So many red flags, but this, I’m speechless. Glad you got them out of the way. Good luck in your new life!
illidra − 1) I am so so happy that the rest of your family is rallying around you. 2) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure that your grandad and you are covered legally, you do NOT want your parents trying to get the police involved with a b**lshit kidnapping claim or something similar.
I’d recommend a lawyer to be honest, your parents sound like the kind of people to go nuclear over this, if a lawyer isn’t an option maybe go to the school with your grandad, explain the situation and ask if they have any resources / a councellor who can help point you to resources
intothewillows − I understand your predicament, for I also come from a similar situation; my older brother has autism spectrum disorder, and is on the low-end of the scale.
My parents, since I was about seven years old, always stressed that I needed to take care of him and allow him to live with me once I was older despite the four year age difference, alongside his physically and s**ually a**sive tendencies towards me—and only me—out of our family of five.. Now, I am twenty-years-old.
Since I was eighteen, my parents have expected me to pay for items he desires, read for him, clean for him; pretty much anything you could think of despite me being a college student with many, many chronic illnesses that was being abused by him since I was eleven.
Despite everything he has done, I do not hate him or his disability; rather, I hate that my parents have enforced that his a**sive behavior was not morally incorrect, thus insisting to him that I was wrong and hated him for his disability.
No matter how much I expressed to him that his behavior was wrong and that I did not resent his disability, as I am severely disabled myself, he never listened or corrected his behavior until I began to distance myself from him at all available chances at nineteen years old.
He is my brother and he needs help, but I cannot be the one to give it to him because I deserve better than the life I was provided by our parents and him. I plan on moving out very, very soon. I hope things get better for you soon, and that you are able to reconcile with your sister as you desire without parental interference. Good luck, OP.
[Reddit User] − I’m glad you have such an amazing family, especially your gramps and aunt. I hope you’ll get to spend a lot of quality time with them. You all deserve that happiness and strong bond. Regarding your parents…
I know it’s extremely hard to essentially lose them, but to be honest it doesn’t sound like they ever cared that much except having a free caretaker. You’re so, so much better off without that.
I wish you the absolute best for your future. May you be happy with your new life and get into the school of your dreams. You’ve got the whole world in front of you, take it by storm! ❤️
Jantra − OP… I just wish I could give you the biggest hug. You’ve learned so much in such a short time, suffered responsibilities you should never have been burdened with. Love your sister, but you are not her caretaker nor her guardian.
Remain strong, accept the love of the rest of your family, and understand that no matter what your parents may say, they have wronged you and you are deserving of better than they gave you. Your grandfather clearly loves you – hold that tight to your heart.
Jelkluz − “You were put here to be her caretaker”. Don’t ever look back. My parents and me have separated from 3 out of my moms 5 siblings and from my maternal grandmother, because they had a similar mentality to your parents. It’s the best decision we 3 made in our lives. It will be s**tty for a while, but you will be glad you separated.
Do you think the user made the right decision in cutting ties with their parents, or should they have tried to reconcile and continue supporting their sister? How would you handle a situation where a family member relies on you for care but your needs are neglected? Share your thoughts below.