Update: AITA for calling my coworker work-sister after she called me work-husband in front of everyone??
A Reddit user revisits a tense workplace situation involving a coworker, Mary, who has caused rumors, tension, and mistrust between the user and his wife, Brooke. After an unsettling incident at an office Christmas party, Brooke insists on stronger boundaries, leaving the user torn between preserving his career and protecting his marriage. Read the full update below.
‘ Update: AITA for calling my coworker work-sister after she called me work-husband in front of everyone? ?’
I wrote a post 6 months ago regarding calling my coworker, Mary, work-sister and upsetting her in the process. Things got really weird afterwards and I was paired with another coworker, Carolina for work-trips.
Someone anonymously tipped Carolina’s boyfriend that Carolina was engaged in messaging explicit pictures to her coworker and he in-turn reported her to our HR as revenge before breaking off with her. No one explicitly said it, but I could see that everyone suspected me to be the other person.
After that, Mary and I were again asked to travel together despite of my reservations, mostly because others did not want to travel with me. I am sorry I did not write an update because nothing noteworthy happened until last Friday and my wife, Brooke, and I have been arguing ever since about what to do next.
I have been applying for similar positions in the last few months, but it is hard to find a similar job in this market. Brooke has expressed her reservations on me travelling with Mary but also understands that I would stop travelling with her if I could. We have bills and mortgage, and I cannot just leave my job.
Just like most commenters on previous post, she believes that Mary framed Carolina. I have been extremely professional with Mary during our travels. Things are not as before where I would consider her my close friend. I am always guarded around her and try to spend most of my time in my room after work.
Carolina stuck around for around a month after I wrote the post, when the HR was investigating the incident. I tried to support her initially and also told my manager that she has been very professional. However, rumors started spreading around that I am going above and beyond to save her job, and she spent a lot of time in my office talking to me alone.
We mutually decided that the optics were not good and started distancing ourselves. She resigned a month after the incident because she told me she cannot take it anymore. From what I know, she is still looking for a job.
Mary, on the other hand seems to be happy on our work-trips. Although I act extremely professional around her, a part of me knows that she might be the person who framed Carolina (I have no proof, just intuition). I also feel Mary is the one spreading rumor about Carolina and me in office.
She always plans for dinners after work and sometimes asks me to get a drink at the hotel bar as before. I generally avoid drinking on these trips now. There were a few times where she insistent that I get a beer, but I told her that I am already on thin ice at work, and promised Brooke I will not drink on these trips.
This has not stopped her from getting hammered and me having to drop her to her room at the end of the day few times. Brooke has been very supportive through the whole time and has never once suspected me or blamed me for anything. She has asked me to not drink on these trips and also to make sure I call her every night when I reach my room and when I go to sleep.
I also voluntarily installed location tracking app on my phone, so that she has a peace of mind to know where I am during these trips. On to the incident from last Friday. We had a Christmas party last Friday at our office. Brooke joined me, and the party was great.
Mary asked me for a dance, but I declined, and Mary did not look thrilled about it. Brooke was lovely, and we danced together for most of the night. There was one point where I was talking to my manager and few other collogues, and Brooke was talking to my manager’s wife.
Mary interrupted them and started bragging about how she has to take care of me during work trips since I am so clumsy. Brooke also joined in on how I am clumsy and forgetful I am at home. Mary then told Brooke that I make her feel safe on the trips and told her about the incident where she got drunk and how I took care of her by dropping her to her room and sitting by her bedside until she fell asleep.
Mary insisted that I am a gentleman and nothing happened, but how I also show care for her. Brooke knew about the incidents when I dropped, he to her room. However, at no time did I enter Mary’s room. Brooke did not say anything at that time, but when we got home, this turned into a huge argument.
I told Brooke that I did not enter her room and just led her to her room and immediately called her and told her about the incident. I even showed her the text conversation where I messaged Brooke after leaving the restaurant and when I got to the room along with timestamps.
After Brooke calmed down, she told me that she believes me, but it’s crazy how fluently Mary lied to her, in front of my manager’s wife. She told me that Mary is just trying to plant a seed of doubt in her head, and she cannot pretend anymore that she is ok with Mary.
She told me that Mary ruined Carolina’s career and if she does not get her way, she might do the same to me. Brooke has asked me if I can draw a red line on travelling with Mary, and if my manager does not accept, I should just resign. I feel Brooke is right, and nothing is more important to me than her.
However, it feels so s**tty to be in this situation where all my hard work to reach this point in my career will be ruined. I do not know what to do next. I am really hoping to get advice and ideas on what I can do here. I just feel so trapped and not sure what I can do at this point.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
newoneform − You really need to stop engaging with Mary at all other than what is necessary to do your job. You don’t need to babysit her or get her to her room. You’re kinda making it easy for her to raise suspicion in others. Do your job then go back to your hotel room. You don’t need to organize meals with her. You seem like you’re still trying to be “nice” to Mary which leads it to be easy for her to play you. And start making a paper trail.
Bonnm42 − Tell your manager the truth, even about suspicions. You cans say “I have no proof but I do have suspicious Mary framed Caroline and I am worried she may do the same to me. I feel s**ually harassed and this is causing problems in my marriage.”
Salt-Finding9193 − Tell your manager what Mary said in front of his wife and how you think she is the one spreading rumours about Caroline. Tell him she’s obsessed with you. Start looking for another job. When you find one let everyone in the office know that Mary is poison and that’s why you are leaving. .
MarsailiPearl − Stop interacting with Mary unless it is work related. Stop going to dinner with her on trips. Stop doing anything or talking to her on trips outside of work hours. At this point you are doing this to yourself. Do you like the attention you get from Mary?
Because, you are doing a pretty good job pretending that Mary didn’t sabotage Carolina and you and that she isn’t trying to break up your marriage and make everyone think you are having an affair.. JUST STOP ALREADY.
atmasabr − Your nuclear option is you threaten to sue your job for hostile work environment s**ual harrassment. Don’t resign without a plan to sue. Seriously, you need legal or union advice.
DeliciousMud7291 − “Mary interrupted them and started bragging about how she has to take care of me during work trips since I am so clumsy. Mary then told Brooke that I make her feel safe on the trips and told her about the incident where she got drunk and how I took care of her by dropping her to her room and sitting by her bedside until she fell asleep.
Mary insisted that I am a gentleman and nothing happened, but how I also show care for her.” ***Dude, you’re doing this to yourself.*** Quit babying her on these work trips. If she gets drunk, leave her alone and let her find her own way to her room.
Because of your chivalry, you’re not letting her fail and potentially getting fired. Leave her to her own devices, and whenever y’all are together, record her and document, document, and document. Leave a paper trail if you can. Put your foot down with your manager regarding Mary. # Or say goodbye to your life when she claims you s**ually harassed/assaulted her.
Far-Season-695 − Why are you still hanging out with Mary during non work hours? Why can’t you just finish your job and go by yourself to get dinner and leave Mary on her own?
ManufacturerNo6126 − Jesus Dude how can you He so freaking dense. Mary is a total n**case and now shes trying to wedge herself between you and your wife (how WE all told you 6 Months ago). Look for a new Job or better move and get a new kobe before this n**case Hurts Brooke. Brooke doesn’t deserve to be Put in the middle of all this just because your dense as soap
Unlucky-Start1343 − – Do not eat with Mary. – do not go to a bar with Mary
– sent every non professional request to hr and your boss.
– complain about everything regarding Mary
– do not interact with Mary outside work hours. – do not drop her off . – don’t speak to her. . – make this clear to your boss
– only communicate with Mary by text unless other persons are present. – paper trail
– b**ch about Mary in a professional way
mrmses − I’m not sure if you are too nice or what, but I think about 75% of the readers here would have gone nuclear a long time ago. You are seriously on the line of being compliant with your own demise if you don’t start taking some serious action. You should have secured a lawyer a long time ago. You should have been documenting every interaction with Mary a long time ago.
And under no circumstances should you have ever agreed to go back out on work trips with Mary – I can’t even believe you’re doing that?! Get serious friend. This woman will destroy you – she’s already made some pretty good inroads. Also, what kind of job do you have that you can’t find Literally ANYTHING ELSE.
Do you think the Redditor should resign to preserve his relationship with Brooke, or should he take additional steps to manage the situation at work without leaving his job? How would you navigate a professional environment where trust and boundaries are constantly challenged? Share your thoughts below!