(UPDATE) AITA for being upset that my husband used my bonus on him?

Hello reddit. It has been a couple months since my last post and so much has happened. original post: https://aita.pics/UBDCb
I first want to thank EVERYONE who reached out and snapped me out of this d**e with my SOON TO BE EX! He was extremely toxic and just made me feel not even worth anything. Thus probably why it was so hard to see he wasn’t it. So I want to thank everyone who offered words of encouragement and even the tough love. I needed to hear it.

‘ (UPDATE) AITA for being upset that my husband used my bonus on him?’

After he went back to his parents he was waiting for my apology (which I never did) and when he noticed I drained our joint bank he escalated saying I was his and how I could never actually leave him and that he “owned” me, all of my success was his and without him I would a l**er drop out.

His family was even worse because I had already blocked them so they started making fake accounts and using apps to hide their number to harass me. Saying I ruined their sons life and how he sacrificed everything to get me where I am to throw him to the side like this was disgusting and I deserve to rot.

I provided all this to my lawyer who recommended I take a restraining order (in case he wanted to escalate further) and to not engage EVER but just keep the records. This has caused my anxiety to go through the roof and I am working on this with my therapist.

I have separated the finances completely and changed my banks, even told them my stbx is NEVER allowed to access these accounts because he would take it all and run. I have changed my number and gone completely social media less(besides this). Part of me is broken that our marriage came to end over a computer.

I keep thinking I am stupid and how I couldn’t see the warning signs. I must look like a fool to everyone. All in all I’m slowly picking up the pieces of my life and figuring out how to move forward. Thank you to anyone still reading this and thank you everyone who helped me get here.

Summary: I am officially filing for divorce after I never apologized to him which only made my soon to be ex-husband and his family started harassing me to the nth degree. I was having a panic attack everytime the phone rang so I had to change my number and delete any social media. I am gaining my freedom from my toxic partner and his family.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

zaftig_stig −  Your marriage didn’t come to an end because of a computer. It came to an end because of your SO. That just happened to be the final straw that opened your eyes to the reality of your relationship. I know this hurts, but it will get better!

MultiFazed −  I want to address this specifically: I must look like a fool to everyone. You absolutely do not. You look like someone who managed to find the courage to do something extremely difficult. A**sive relationships (and make no mistake, this was abuse — financial abuse is a real thing, as is emotional abuse) are *incredibly* hard to escape from.

Relationships require emotional investment, and even in a *bad* relationship, it’s natural to think, “I’ve put so much of myself into this relationship, so I *need* to try to fix it”. Abusers know this, and will do everything they can to undermine your self confidence so that “fixing” an unfixable relationship seems more feasible than leaving it.

I’m so very proud that you were able to push past the manipulation (both from him *and* his family) and escape from that toxic relationship. And the fact that you’re taking this seriously enough to involve a lawyer is a great news, because it shows that you’re not going to fall into the trap of “let’s try to fix this one more time.”

So no, you don’t look like a fool. You look like a woman who has finally realized her worth as a person, and, unlike a bonus from work, your (soon to be ex) husband can’t take that away from you.

darkstarsxx −  Isn’t it funny how you’d be nothing without him – yet you’re so powerful you ruined him?? Proud of you for recognizing your worth. I hope you’re feeling proud too.

small-avocado1 −  Congratulations on getting away from that pos!!!

[Reddit User] −  I didn’t see the original post at the time but after reading it… JUST WOW. This internet stranger is proud of you. Hang in there.

jpobble −  I totally read STBX as shitbox. Which is kinda accurate in this case.

pioroa −  Congratulations, go live your life at your fullest, you lost a great baggage that you don’t want to be returned. Don’t cry for the spilled milk, it was sour after all and it’s where it belonged.

JeanMich3l −  I just discovered your original post. This man is a**sive and his family stupid. Hooray for you OP you took the right decision, now a whole new life of happiness and cool people is coming to you ! Don’t be sad to divorce, and learn from your mistakes. You will be so much better at judging people and selecting the good ones to be part of your life. Keep up the good work, take absolute care of you and don’t listen to these assholes. Happiness will find you soon !