[UPDATE] AITA for asking my boyfriend to charge his family member for fraud?
The woman who asked if she was wrong for urging her boyfriend to file fraud charges against a family member has returned with an update. After uncovering inconsistencies in her boyfriend’s story, she confronted him, only to learn he had been lying about more than just the credit card issue. Their relationship of five years came to an abrupt end, but her perseverance led her to a happy resolution. Read the full story below:
For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/wbzcM
‘Â [UPDATE] AITA for asking my boyfriend to charge his family member for fraud?’
I spoke with my boyfriend about my concerns and was honest with him that things he was telling me didn’t all make sense. He was adamant he didn’t know anything about the credit card or the apparent enquiries on his credit account about pay day loans. My boyfriend is still refusing to open any fraud investigations against his family member and has said he will pay off the debt himself.. But..
Some other things came out during our conversation that he was hiding from me. Lying has been a big issue of his during our whole relationship. In the past I have forgiven him for his lies but I can’t keep forgiving the same issue every few months when he promises to change, but we’re in the same spot every few months.
(And I’m not talking little lies, I’m talking big lies and even bigger lies to cover up those lies) – I know I’m stupid for giving him the benefit of the doubt -. So in saying this. My boyfriend is now my ex boyfriend. When I spoke with my boyfriend about my concerns *above* he ended up picking up his bag and walking out on me and drove away. That was the last time I seen him in person.
This is how this man delt with an issue in our 5 year relationship. We haven’t spoke much since but I have definitely resigned to the fact my relationship is over. I think he is expecting me to forgive him like all the previous times. I have packed up his stuff and will return to him after my city comes out of our 6th lockdown. There is a good ending to this story tho.
I spoke with my mortgage broker and the housing developers. I can’t afford the original townhouse I fell in love with alone but a smaller townhouse that I also loved came available and I’ve been approved for this one. I paid my deposit 3 days before my birthday last month!!. I bought a house by my self!!.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
BlahWitch − Congratulations! You bought a house AND got rid of excess baggage! You will LOVE owning your own space. Literally and metaphorically.
AstronomerPrevious71 − Congrats on your home purchase!! Your ex did you a favor! Now you can start fresh
Finalbladestyle − Good for you. The problem with a l**r is that they never quit. You constantly need to keep an eye on them like some kind of child. That’s not what you want in a relationship.
MCDexX − I just want to say that you are NEVER stupid for loving someone and trusting them, and wanting them to be their best selves. It is his fault he lied to you, not your fault that you believed him. If he wasn’t so dishonest, then your decision to trust would have been fine.
It’s his lies that made it a bad decision, not yours for trusting him. That whole story about the scorpion and the monkey does not apply to humans, because HUMANS CAN CHOOSE NOT TO STING!
Anli0 − Congratulations on the new house and for realising that you deserved much better! I’m over the moon for you and I truly wish you all the best xx
ManicEeyore − I’m glad you aren’t with him anymore, he disappeared but great opportunities have popped up in his place. Take good care of yourself, I’m guessing you are also from the merry old land of madness that is Australia right now. Look after yourself and congrats on the house
Careless_Mango − Congratulations on the new house ! And well done on being brave enough to walk away from the relationship. The fact that he is willing to give up his chance of buying a house,
taking out a loan to start up his dream business and lose his girlfriend of five years rather than make a family member face up to their criminal behaviour and let them just ruin his own life – well he can never truly be your partner. It was absolutely right you walked away and I wish you luck in finding happiness with someone you deserve
CMUpewpewpew − Wait so why is everyone still thinking this known l**r who runs away from problems has a “family member” that spent all that money? Maybe he spent it, is lying about it, and just ignored that debt? AKA there is no made up family member that did this.
Wolfy5079 − congratulations on buying your new home. I just have to ask though. Does your ex know it’s over. I only ask because if he doesn’t know and discovers you’ve just bought a place yourself, he may think he can worm back in and not only have a place to live but also pay off this card. If he knows, then again, congratulations and I wish all the best for you.
BxGyrl416 − Ok, I feel better after reading the last post. I don’t know him and am just going by facts you’ve stated. I’ve got to say, as soon as you said that the loan was denied, red flags went up. A person who is serious about applying for a mortgage makes sure in the months and years that lead up to this that they have enough savings and that their credit is good.
This means paying off any credit card debt and running numerous credit reports to ensure that nothing is amiss. Having said that, as soon as he was denied the loan and it came out that his family member stole his credit card, red flags started to go up for me. In order to have the credit card, that person would need to reapply for credit in his name and have access to his social security number.
You can’t just find a closed credit card and reopen it; that’s not how it works. More likely somebody had access to his documents, like his social security card, and opened this account. However, even then, if that person maxed out the credit card, he would probably find out sooner than later.
It just boggles my mind that in 2 years prior to applying for a mortgage, he never once opened a new credit card or ran a credit check, where he would have found all of this out. What also was a red flag is that he was so adamant about protecting this individual. A normal response to being defrauded or stolen from, especially from a friend or family member, is anger.
The emotions don’t match the actions. He’s so non-confrontational that he willing to pay thousands of dollars in debt that he didn’t rack up, which could take years and just as long to fix his credit? Even if he didn’t turn them into the police, he’s not willing to even mention it? Yeah, not adding up.
You want to know what I think? I think he lied to you. He either lent the family member his credit card and/or money and never told you or he’s covering up an impulsive shopping, gambling, or alcohol issue. Just too many things in this picture that aren’t adding up. Instead of having a conversation about this, he ghosted you. That tells me all I need to know.
Sometimes, the hardest decisions lead to the most rewarding outcomes. By choosing to prioritize honesty and self-respect, she turned heartbreak into a new chapter of independence and accomplishment. Have you ever had to make a tough choice that ultimately paid off? Share your thoughts below!