Told my husband(34m) I(30f) wouldn’t have children in the USA and gave him the ‘ultimatum’ that we would either move or divorce or be childfree. How do I explain why I’m ‘being like this’?

A woman (30F) has been feeling increasingly unsettled by the political climate in the USA, especially in light of recent elections. She has expressed to her husband (34M) that she does not want to raise children in the US and has given him an ultimatum: either they move abroad or remain childfree. She struggles to explain her feelings to him.

‘ Told my husband(34m) I(30f) wouldn’t have children in the USA and gave him the ‘ultimatum’ that we would either move or divorce or be childfree. How do I explain why I’m ‘being like this’?’

I am a dual citizen in the USA, my husband is American. And we have been talking about having children, but the unrest from the election has really changed my mind about having children here ever. No matter the outcome. His is not a financial issue, either. I am decently well off from my work. I am an engineer.

The issue is… this country literally terrifies me right now. It’s not the country I moved to in college. It’s horrifying and every day I talk to anyone or walk down the street and see someone talking about there political affiliation here it makes me seize up.

I feel like I’m my great-grandma watching Hit ler come into power, she described the realization to me once and man it feels eerie. And honestly, it doesn’t matter who wins. It’s that we’re surrounded by people who’s views disturb me At this point. (We’re in red)

I’ve already began looking at houses in Canada. Ive been telling my husband for a while (3 years) that I don’t think I want to live here anymore. But tonight I put my foot down, and told him I don’t want to have children here ever.

It is honestly a deciding factor. I don’t want to raise children here. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be pregnant here. He just kept saying ‘why are you being like this’ but I don’t know how to explain it better.

Check out how the community responded:

thfemaleofthespecies −  Because it’s not safe to be a child, with school shootings. Because it’s not safe to be a girl or a woman. Because the gun laws are insane and make your family less safe. Because racists are being encouraged. Because healthcare is… how do you even describe how bad a mess healthcare is. Etc. 

tossout7878 −  You don’t have to explain it better. You are a dual citizen and you can leave easily, he doesn’t have to come with you. He may never agree with you, but this decision isn’t for him, it’s for you and your hypothetical children.

Plenty of my family members left america during the vietnam era for obvious reasons and no one questions this, history made it obvious. You can leave a country for any reason you want. If he doesn’t get it after 3 years of you telling him, and he doesn’t get it AT ALL, i don’t think you’re compatible anymore. And that’s fine.

AnneinJapan −  Hey I’m an American and even I don’t want to raise my kids in the USA. I currently live in Japan (was pregnant here and gave birth here two times). Japan is a GREAT place to raise kids–great medical system, great national healthcare, good schools, very low crime rates, NO school shootings ever, etc.

Just the issue of school shootings alone would make me want to get out of the US, and then we have the crazy political situation, the ingrained and institutionalized racism, high crime, sh\*t health insurance on top of that.

query_tech_sec −  Because you might die in childbirth from something entirely preventable. Because even if you’re okay – if you have a daughter she might not be.

swisssf −  If you’re terrified living here seems like a no-brainer. Leave with him or without him. Why would anyone choose to live in t**ror?

fattyboy2 −  I am in the US and started doing the work to leave this country months ago. I can retire soon and don’t plan on staying for all the reasons you mentioned. Please don’t bring a child into this.

NYCStoryteller −  If you’re Canadian, go. There’s no really good reason to stay here. Unfortunately, most Americans are so deep in the mythology of American greatness that they are ignoring all of the signs of the rise of authoritarianism and fascism.

The media is complicit in telling us that we’re exceptional, so the only way you can get it is if you’re a scholar of history or have an international perspective.

apostosaurus −  I typed out all of the below but wanted to add this at the top, where you may have a chance of seeing it: RUN. Do what I wish I could do. You can work there, but my job wouldn’t transition to another country. I also have dual citizenship, my parents moved us to the US when I was a kid.

I’m in a blue city in a sort of purple county within a very blue state in the Northwest, and I’m terrified. Washington State has done a great job of providing for residents and in protecting our rights, but there’s only so much a state can do. I have three kids, thank god they’re all boys.

I’m terrified women will lose the right to vote, bit by bit. Or have to have a man on their bank account, loan, or mortgage. Or mandated dress codes. I had two very wanted pregnancies miscarry within a few months in 2020, but both needed medical intervention because they were killing me.

One was pills to finish what my body couldn’t on its own over several months and the other was emergency surgery since I was bleeding out. Neither would have been legal in Texas. Will they look up my records and come after me? Will it matter that I’m still heartbroken? Or that I can no longer have more kids?

Please, please run. Help others once you’re gone if you can. Just go now.

Livid-Finger719 −  I’ve already began looking at houses in Canada. With the current political shenanigans, Canada isn’t much safer. Sure, there aren’t people getting violent over it but it’s bad over here.

Imaginary-Friend-228 −  Men so rarely move for a woman, no matter how much better her prospects are