This may be our last Christmas and I (37F) and not really sure where to go from here with husband (41M). Advice?
A Redditor (37F) opens up about her strained relationship with her husband (41M) during the holiday season. Over the years, his dismissive behavior, lack of respect, and reluctance to share responsibilities have taken an emotional toll on her.
She recounts a particularly painful Christmas two years ago and now faces his recent outburst, leaving her feeling undervalued and unsure about their future. Read the full story below:
‘ This may be our last Christmas and I (37F) and not really sure where to go from here with husband (41M). Advice?’
2 Christmases ago my husband made me guess the entire month of November what he got me for Christmas. This went on until the week before Christmas when he got real serious one day and said I need to tell you something. He looked me straight in the eyes and said I was just joking with you I never got you anything. I was crushed.
We had a major snowstorm coming in two days before Christmas so he was headed to the store knowing this I scraped together the most amount of money I could find like $ 10-15 around the house and asked/begged him to get me something, anything, so that I’d have something to open on Christmas.
He came back handed me all the money I gave him and told me that he didn’t get me anything because he didn’t want to inconvenience the cashier or the other people in line (he was using self checkout) It wasn’t until he saw how devastated he made me that he got me something.
It was a beautiful eyeshadow pallet and lipstick but tbh I’ve never been able to use it because everytime I look at it it brings back those memories. This year , 2 weekends ago, we went out of town (no shopping here) to get Christmas presents for everyone.
We went to an arcade and then he took me to my favorite restaurant. Afterwards we went to a free Christmas drive through light display that we found last year one that was way better than any of the ones we’ve ever paid for. I thought it was a really good/fun day.
Sunday we went out of town again cause an item he wanted was only available at a store 1 1/2 hrs away and it was also near his favorite drive through light display so we did that and also ate out. Last weekend I asked him to help me clean. His response was that if he didn’t personally make the mess than he shouldn’t have to help.
Thats just it though. Most of the messes were his. Soda bottles, food wrappers, dirty dishes. Everytime I ask it’s an excuse. He helps out he says. What he does is he lets the dogs out and proceeds to sit outside “watching” them for hours while he plays on his phone and we have a fenced backyard.
He changes cat litter once a week and at the same time trash. That’s it. Meanwhile I do everything else. I’ve been feeling o**rwhelmed lately and told him I need help I want to be able to sit down and relax too in fact I need to as I’m almost at my breaking point. His response was “when does he get to relax?
He had to take my ass all over the state buying me Christmas presents and seeing Christmas lights instead of relaxing.” He then proceeded to take his ring off and throw it at me and tell me we are done and stonewall me for the rest of the night/next day.
He put the ring back on but I haven’t. Right now I’m just going through the motions. I don’t really know what to do or say. Meanwhile he’s acting like everything is normal. He’s talking about seeing more lights. I’m just done with it / Christmas. I’ve asked him to take the presents back he got me as I don’t want them. Not if he feels that way.
Really though, It’s not about the presents it’s about respect, valuing your partner, not making them feel like a burden or that you’re obligated to do something. Wanting to celebrate them and your relationship. I finally realized why it is that I got excited for Christmas in November then lose interest when it comes around. I just don’t know what to do now..
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Throw_RA099 − He sounds awful. Give yourself an early Christmas present and retain a divorce attorney on Monday.
Competitive-Care8789 − When he took off his ring and said he was done, that was your Christmas present. Time to shout out, “oh my God, it’s perfect! Exactly what I need! I love it! Thank you, thank you thank you so much!”
OkeyDokey654 − I think you *do* know what to do.
Natural-Complex4573 − Why is your bar for a suitable life partner this low? None of this is acceptable behavior from him. Please do yourself a favor and leave him now.
FragrantOpportunity3 − Why on earth did you marry this man? You begged him to get you a Christmas present? Hopefully you’ll get some self-respect for Christmas.
edoyle2021 − Your Christmas present to yourself this year should be a divorce.
Top_Put1541 − What you do is you move out. (Unless you own the place.) You sound very done and very beaten down. You don’t have to keep trying with someone who enjoys treating you terribly.
Gather your important papers, medications, and mementos, and hide them somewhere he can’t get to them. If you work outside the home and you have access to a desk, store it all in a drawer at work. Do this discreetly, when he’s busy playing video games of scrolling his phone.
Call a lawyer, find out how to get out clean. Call some trustworthy friends (if you have them), book them to help you pack and move. Switch utilities over to his name. Line up new housing.. Get gone.
One last thing — and I apologize because this is a hard suggestion. Get some Plan B. Going by your relationship dynamics, it seems likely he can and will coerce you into s** and/or mess with your birth control. He will try to baby-trap you once he realizes his emotional punching bag/gang aid is resigning her thankless job. Protect yourself.
eccatameccata − I’m sitting here by myself. I decorated for Christmas because it brings me joy. My home is clean which brings me joy. I plan on baking Christmas cookies because it brings me joy.
You can buy your own presents and put them under the tree. I have two beautiful wrapped presents (from me) that I purchased but am waiting to open and use on Christmas. I’m excited. You can be much happier without him dragging you down.
Midwitch23 − Give yourself the best gift you can – your freedom.
New-Reindeer4608 − This sounds like I could’ve wrote it about my own husband regarding our Christmas history. Currently I’m sitting at home after just having surgery and he can’t be bothered to help me at all. I picked up my own meds, been cooking for myself and our kids, getting my own drinks, all while being in terrible pain.
Why do we deal with life partners like this? I don’t know about you but I think I’m going to stand my ground and continue on the path to filling for divorce. I hope whatever you decide to do you can find some peace because he is stealing yours.
This story highlights the emotional weight of unmet expectations and the struggle for mutual respect in a relationship. Do you think this situation is salvageable through communication and effort, or are deeper issues at play? How would you approach rebuilding trust and balance in such a partnership? Share your thoughts below!