Thinking about not attending my brother’s wedding because of his fiancées prank on my husband?

A Redditor is grappling with a family conflict after her brother’s fiancée, known for her playful Halloween spirit, attempted a jump scare on her husband during a recent visit. The prank backfired when her husband, startled, reacted by shoving her against the wall, resulting in a shaken-up fiancée and escalating tensions.

Now, faced with her brother’s anger and pressure to smooth things over, she must decide whether to attend their upcoming wedding after standing firmly by her husband.

‘ Thinking about not attending my brother’s wedding because of his fiancées prank on my husband?’

I am 25F, my husband is 30M. My brother 32M and his fiancée 31F recently came to visit us in our city. My partner and I are new homeowners and they were staying with us for the first time. My brother’s fiancée loves Halloween. She is also a ‘Disney adult’ and has a childlike side to her which comes out sometimes.

She’s just super involved (absorbed?) when it comes to her interests.. anyway I’m just sharing this for context because my perspective is that she often gets carried away and I genuinely feel what I am going to describe was the result of one of those moments where she just took it too far and suffered some negative consequences.

She is however.. taking it as a very personal attack. So we disagree and the disagreement resulted in my husband cutting their visit short (aka they were asked to leave).

31F has made comments more than few times now since meeting him, that my husband gives off a “dark” vibe. She is always comparing him to characters from various books she reads. It’s not necessarily criticism, she always explains that they are compliments.. well i’m not sure anymore.

Her reasons for these comparisons are based on his looks, the general vibe he gives off and his tattoo (he only has one, but it’s on his hand). During this recent visit, she mentioned she would love to see someone like him get scared because she can’t imagine him getting startled, or letting out a scream.
Scaring him became her goal during her stay with us. None of us knew about it, not even my brother.

The incident causing all the trouble is that she tried to jump scare my husband in the garage. It was dark and she ambushed him in the garage while wearing a full outfit and mask when he was returning from a run. Well he didn’t let out the scream she wanted … He instinctively reacted by shoving her against the wall.

She hit her head and was quite shaken up. Luckily he realized very quickly by the sound she made that it likely wasn’t an intruder. He switched the lights on and pulled her mask off. He told me he was very confused in the moment.. why would she attack him?
My husband helped her inside, apologized, made her tea and then called me (I was out with my brother).

When we got home.. I asked 31F if she was OK and I said her prank was stupid to do because she could have gotten seriously hurt! I don’t know if it was what I said that bothered her or if she was just waiting for her partner to come home but she launched into crying about how my husband used an excessive amount of force *knowing* it was most likely her just doing a harmless prank.

In a nutshell… My husband asked her straight forwardly: are you implying I intentionally assaulted you? She hesitated but chose to say ‘yes’ and my husband responded to that with “get out of my house”.

I tried to smooth it but my husband was adamant if that’s what she genuinely believes, she’s not welcome to stay. 31F chose to stick to her accusation.. I decided to side with my husband.

My brother is angry with me, he thinks I should have tried to do damage control and let them stay by convincing my husband to lean more into apologizing and placating his fiancée who was just recovering from the situation. He thinks this whole thing would’ve blown over if I’d helped my husband fold… I find this unfair.

My brother was counting on me to handle all this yet he didn’t speak up during the conversation or try to talk sense into his fiancée ??? My husband remained calm the entire time, but he obviously felt insulted by her remarks and I think that’s valid.

Why should I have taken my brother’s fiancée’s side over my own husband.. especially when I feel like she was wrong for doing all that, then turning around and accusing my husband of *wanting* to hurt her? My brother says I was short sighted and should think of their upcoming wedding but I think he is the one who needs to get his fiancée to apologize to my husband.

 

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

do2g −  If she hadn’t hidden in the dark garage in a hooded costume, none of this would have happened. There’s no way he would have known in the moment that it was her and I believe anyone would have a similar reaction. Frankly, she’s lucky she was not hurt more than she was.

There’s a direct cause-effect here yet she’s not accepting responsibility. I think her behavior falls into the “play stupid games” category. Your husband doesn’t have anything to apologize for and it’s offensive for them to try to obfuscate her responsibility.. NTA.

Speckle-Fried-Pickle −  NTA. Your future SIL is deranged. She attacked someone coming into his own home. He reacted accordingly. How would he know it was her??? She FAFO. Your brother should have told her it’s her own fault.

Be prepared for more dramatics once they are married and go LC now. Nothing will ever be her fault. Edited to add: call your family NOW and tell them what happened before they spin it and blame your husband for reacting appropriately.

banjadev −  NTA – your husband was completely correct in throwing them out. She is unhinged and immature, and the fact that she doubled down on her RIDICULOUS F’ng behavior and your i**ot brother said NOTHING, but expects YOUR husband to apologize? F THAT.

I would cut them out of your life completely. No one needs that s**t. What if she goes home and tells everyone your husband assaulted her? JFC – They would NEVER be allowed in my home again.

ed_lv −  NTA. She has accused your husband of a**ault and you should definitely stay away from her. Just because your brother has to treat her with kid gloves, he has to realize that the rest of the world will not, and she needs to grow the f**k up. Keep staying away and your life will be better that way.

Rich_Ad_1642 −  Feels like your brother’s bride to be has a preoccupation or special interest in your husband.. esp if the “dark” characters she compares him to are from romance books etc.

This woman is drama. Good on you for not catering to it because it’s going to happen again. She 100% will make a stink about you two in relation to her upcoming wedding… like asking everyone to get your husband to apologize etc

Longwinded_Ogre −  Dude showed remarkable restraint. My former brother-in-law, thank God that’s behind me, thought it would be funny to “attack” me on the street. I was walking down the street with headphones in and suddenly I was bent over in a headlock. I had no idea buddy was there.

I get described as “dark” all the time, I’m not, personality wise, but my look is. I’m frequently, for example, described as being “covered in tattoos” despite having none. People just assume I do because of how I look otherwise. Which is all to say I don’t get randomly jumped on the street.

So there I am, suddenly staring at my own feet, and it honestly takes me a minute to clock that I’m in a headlock. Someone’s arm is tightening around my throat.

Now, dude might have been talking to me, but like I said, headphones. All I hear is “Animal I have Become” or something, Crazy Train or Sweet Caroline, I don’t know, but certainly not my brother in law identifying himself. Like I said, I’m a big guy. Six two and somewhere around 280 lbs. Buddy with my head is closer to 5’11”, 190. So I threw him back the way him came. Just stood up with him, and as he left the ground I tossed his back end up and over.

So buddy did a six-foot header onto the concrete. This felt like it took a minute but honestly we were probably touching for less than five seconds. I don’t know how messed up he was, because while he was lying there in a puddle, I realized who it was and, more or less what he’d been thinking (or hadn’t been thinking, more aptly) and just started yelling at his dumb ass.

I think the last thing I said was “you’re lucky I didn’t f**king kill you” and then I literally left him heaped on the sidewalk. No idea if he went to or needed the hospital, we didn’t speak for a good while after that. Took him about five months to apologize.

Your SIL is lucky she didn’t have a thousand dollar dental bill. I wouldn’t pay one red cent to an i**ot in a monkey costume that tricked me into punching their goddamned mouth.. NTA.

Leahthevagabond −  NTA – your SIL is an i**ot, who sneaks up on a man in his own home in a mask?! She’s lucky she just got pushed back and not full on hit – which she would have deserved. If I were you, I’d get in front of this and let your family know that your husband did not a**ault this l**atic.

Or tell your brother that if they tell people you will pursue them legally for slander. Never let her stay at your home again. Accusing someone of intentional a**ault is incredibly dangerous legally and to his reputation.

Cursd818 −  NTA. Your SIL attacked him. He defended himself. She is now accusing him of assaulting her. That is a seriously dangerous accusation that, if heard by the wrong people, could get your husband in serious trouble. You need to step up and read your brother the riot act. His fiancée is deranged. She created the entire mess, and is now trying to manipulate ALL of you into submitting to her madness.

Tell your brother the truth. This is an unfixable situation. Your husband will never be safe to be in her presence ever again. She’s already made one false accusation. She WILL make another. Not only will you both not be attending his wedding, but she will not be a part of your lives going forward. No matter what.

Your brother should have fixed this by telling his fiancée that she was monumentally stupid for doing this and for making vile accusations. He didn’t. He is also dangerous because he is siding with her lunacy, and you should not be around either of them.

strongopinion4life −  So she wanted to scare your husband then she succeeded in scaring him to the point he reacted (as anyone would in this situation) then blames your husband for her actions and saying that he assaulted her? I think your husband should have pushed her harder honestly maybe then her loose screws would get back in place.

You brother is enabling her stupid ideia and if he thinks it’s ok to do s**t and say even more s**t then maybe he has as many loose screws as him fiancé. Perfect match made in crazy land. NTA. If they don’t apologize then I would go NC because of what she said that is a serious accusation and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Heck what is she does this again?

Caspian4136 −  NTA. Your SIL FAFO in a big way. I bet she was embarrassed and this is how she tried to deflect everything away from how stupid she was to do this. I mean what did she expect? Him to just jump and then laugh it off like it was some joke? She attacked him in his own home wearing an outfit with a mask to make herself look as threatening as possible.

Stand by your husband and double down with your brother about what a d**bass he’s marrying. It actually could have been much, much worse if she had fallen onto something dangerous, which a lot of garages have a lot of hazards in them due to the nature of garages.