AITA for telling my girlfriend the exact amount of calories she ate in a single day?
No woman wants to be fat, especially when she’s trying to lose weight. In this story, a guy tries to help his girlfriend with her weight loss, but things take a turn when he tells her the exact number of calories she ate in a day.
While he thinks he’s being helpful, she gets upset and accuses him of shaming her. Now he’s wondering if he was in the wrong for giving her that breakdown.
‘AITA for telling my girlfriend the exact amount of calories she ate in a single day?’
My girlfriend is on the bigger side, which is something I do not mind. I am on the more fit side, I’m pretty lean, have well defined muscles and probably around 15% body fat. I used to be about 40 pounds heavier and lost the weight pretty simply.
My girlfriend always complains about her weight and her body. I tell her I find her sexy for so many reasons outside her body and it didn’t matter to me whether she got bigger or smaller.
Eventually she decided she wanted to lose weight, I offered to help and when I pointed out things she could be doing better she gets mad at me. She isn’t losing weight currently and in fact says she is gaining a few extra pounds.
I ask her what exactly she eats in a day, she says she eats healthy so she should lose weight. I question that and we have an argument. I tell her that if she wants to show me, let me just spend a day with her and see what she eats in a day. She said only if I don’t make comments on what she’s eating as she’s eating it. I agreed.
Now by the end of the day she had consumed, a plate of avocado toast that was about 400 calories, a coffee that was 110 calories, an 800 calorie salad from chick fil a and a fry (as a “reward” for the salad) and veggie burrito that was about 500 calories. Along with snakinga but throughout the day. Her total consumption was about 2200 calories.
At the end of the day I explained this to her. My exact words were that the amount of calories she is consuming is the amount I need to maintain my weight as a man 5 inches and 20 pounds bigger, who is constantly active. So chances are she’ll slowly gain weight eating like that and that eating healthy isn’t going to guarantee she’ll lose weight.
She got super fucking pissed at me and told me I wasn’t helping her and was just shaming her. I told her I want to help her but she did not listen.
AITA
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Lower_Ground_Score – I’ve learned from personal experience it never goes well when a loved one talks about weight/diet.. the best way is for this information to come from an outside source. (Has she tried any of those diet apps? Or could she afford a nutritionist?)
Neat-Committee-417 – My ex tried one of those apps. Came to me after a few days to say “See, I don’t eat that much!” I had to point out she was missing the chips, cola and the 2-3 pieces of cake she had that week (or as she put it, “just a friday snack, small glasses of cola and quick slices of cake at work”). Some people need to be reality checked properly from the outside and no app can help them if they aren’t willing to actually consider their eating habits
procrastinationprogr – I read somewhere something from a dietist. They had a client who started counting calories. The client thought they were eating healthy but didn’t loose weight. After going through what they ate it turned out they didn’t count the condiments, like ketchup on breakfast eggs.
FarmerSamwise – I’ve been losing weight for the last few months, nearly at my goal which is amazing. And my boyfriend does talk to me about what I’m doing, and help. But he’s never just decided he should help, other than being considerate and asking me if something fits my goals when I’m at his and he’s cooking for me. Or not suggesting ordering food as much.
He volunteers to join a work out if I want to see him on a day that I am scheduled to exercise so I don’t have to chose. He researches and practices recipes if I say I wish there was a lighter version of something so I don’t have to chose between going without or fitting the thing in. When I was going to. He listens to me talk when making decisions about changing things up at different points and gives advice if I ask.
He asks me what I need and does it. He buys snacks he’s seen me eating so he can offer some if I’ve mis judged my meal plan and am hungry. He sends suggestions for meal preps because I’ve expressed enjoying talking about cooking with him but never questions if I don’t choose them. He accepts my requests to do more active activities and talks about it being a good idea
The problem here is OP just decided he should help. That it’s simple (simple doesn’t mean easy), and that he should be listened to. And this “I tell her I find her sexy for so many reasons outside her body” is basically telling her that her body sucks
PS it depends where they live but in much of the world a nutritionist can be anyone who decided to call themselves that and sell their services making most of them a waste of money and all of them a gamble. A dietician is a registered professional it’s actually worth paying for.
needabook55 – I know you want to help but the way you went about it wasn’t what she needed. Ask her how you can help her. Maybe cook together and meal prep healthy foods. Go on walks together to help burn calories. Ask if she is using any tools or would like help researching tools to help be healthier. There are apps or journals that help track and encourage people in being healthy and losing weight.
Let her lead in her journey and be there if she needs help and/or encourage. But don’t try to take over or tell her she is doing it wrong, that will just hurt her and make her not want to talk to you about it in the future.
DerpDevilDD – Wait… your girlfriend puts an entire avocado on her toast? And six teaspoons of sugar in a cup of coffee? 800 calories is on the very high end of a chic fil a salad, but sure, maybe. Given that a tortilla shell only has 50-100 calories (depending on the size) and veggies have next to no calories, to reach 500 calories, she’d need to have around a cup of cheese and sour cream slathered on there. Your math seems to be a bit, let’s say, generous.
And I get the feeling your “offer” to help was less of a suggestion and more of you imposing “help” on her. You’re deluding yourself if you think she or anyone else would want you following them around all day, keeping track of what they eat. Especially when you then lie to them (or are just ignorant), because 2,200 calories in a day is within the average recommended caloric intake for a woman. So, even your inflated count is still normal.
How about you stop playing amateur nutritionist and leave your gf the hell alone? YTA. ETA: why are so many people talking about the salad? I didn’t dispute the salad. Man, you guys want to be mad.
Available-Love7940 – No vote, but you offered what may be useless data. “My exact words were that the amount of calories she is consuming is the amount I need to maintain my weight as a man 5 inches and 20 pounds bigger, who is constantly active.” Maybe, BUT: What is her height and weight? What is her age? What is her activity level?
I googled and ended up with a calorie counter on the Mayo Clinic website. It asked my age, height, weight, and how active I am. To maintain my weight, as a 5’4, 205, 52 year old woman, I need 1750 calories a day. Now, if I eat 2200 I may slowly gain weight. But…it’s not that simple.
How many days does she -under- eat? A fair number of us skip or don’t eat enough at some meals. (The fact that you were able to log all her food suggests it was a weekend, not a work day.) At one point, when I was trying to get healthier, I discovered I was undereating by about 800 calories a day. And you might think “well, boom, weight loss.” Nope…I was eating so little that my body entered starvation mode. Yet, the amount I was eating was ‘maintenance’ for someone else.
Then there’s the ‘what do you/can you eat that is good for maintaining a healthy weight AND feeling full.’ Too often, we think ‘I will eat a salad to be healthy.’ And even if someone skips dressing/etc, it tends to leave us feeling hungry…meaning we’ll snack.
Also, “I used to be about 40 pounds heavier and lost the weight pretty simply.” Ah, the advantage of being a man. You eat 5 less fries and boom, there go 5 pounds. A woman looks at a sugar cube and we gain 3. (Plus the fun of hormones shifting us through the month, and a body that wants to be ready to produce another human.)
If you want to be more helpful, think of activities you can do together. Taking a walk after dinner is great for helping weight loss. It doesn’t have to be a power walk or ‘We’re gonna put in 5 miles.” But even a stroll helps.