Struggling with Bipolar Disorder: My Heartbreaking Decision for the Future of My Baby

A 26-year-old woman is struggling with bipolar disorder and deep depression, leading her to feel overwhelmed by the thought of raising a child, especially on her own. After breaking up with the baby’s father, she’s been contemplating her future and whether she is capable of being a parent.

Given her current mental state, she fears she cannot provide the loving, stable environment her child deserves. She’s considering a drastic step—having her tubes tied to prevent any future pregnancies, as she believes it is the best decision for both herself and her baby.

‘ Struggling with Bipolar Disorder: My Heartbreaking Decision for the Future of My Baby ‘

I have been struggling with bipolar disorder for quite a while, and lately, I just don’t feel capable of caring for a child, especially on my own. The thought of raising a baby by myself is overwhelming, and it’s even harder to imagine it when I’m not in the best state of mind.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and whether I can truly handle the responsibility of being a parent. I don’t want to live with my parents forever. At some point, I want to build my own life and create my own space, but right now it feels so difficult to even get out of bed.

I’ve been in this situation before. When I was 17, I went to a place where people weren’t the nicest, and the environment was tough. It wasn’t easy, but after spending a year there, I managed to make it through. It’s been a journey since then, and though I’ve had some good moments, I’ve reached a point where I just feel too broken to move forward in the way I’d like.

When I think about my baby, I can’t help but feel that they deserve two parents who are ready to love and care for them the way they should be loved. I want my child to grow up in an environment where they feel safe, loved, and nurtured – things I feel I can’t offer right now. My heart aches as I think about how much my baby deserves the best, and I just don’t feel like I can give that at this time.

Since breaking up with the baby’s father, I’ve been in a deep depression. I spend days lying in bed, unable to find the energy or motivation to even get up. I know that in this state, I couldn’t possibly raise a child. I don’t want to bring my baby into a world where they might not get the care they deserve. I don’t want to live with this guilt, knowing I couldn’t do my best for them.

As a result, I’ve been considering something drastic. After this, I am thinking about having my tubes tied. I don’t want to go through another pregnancy, and I don’t want to risk bringing another child into the world when I’m not in the right place to care for them. It’s a tough decision, but it feels like the right one for me right now.

My greatest wish for my baby is for them to have two loving parents who are fully committed to them. I hope for them to have a happy, healthy home where they can thrive and feel loved every single day. I want to give them the life they deserve, and right now, I just don’t feel like I can.

For myself, my greatest wish is to someday be “normal.” I hope that one day I can get to a place where I feel stable, where I can handle life’s challenges without feeling overwhelmed. But until that day comes, I know I have to make the best decision for my baby and for myself. It’s heartbreaking, but I hope that someday things will get better for me, and I’ll be able to have the life I’ve always wanted.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  As someone who was adopted, and has had a great life (most likely much better than I would have had, but who knows), I would love to have a letter simply saying why. Maybe some health issues that I could possibly get?

But I’m so proud of you for realizing that you’re not in a good spot where you can raise a child, and therefore putting him up for adoption. I imagine that’s a very tough decision to make.

[Reddit User] −  I’m a child who’s been adopted and haven’t known anything about my adoption because it was an international adoption. There’s so many things I wonder late at night, during thanksgiving and Christmas. I wish I had some sort of letter that told me a little about my past or why I was put up for adoption.

I’ve had an amazing life with my adoptive parents and I even had my first birthday with them but every so often my mind wanders to the what if’s of my lineage. If you could write a letter and tell him it was out of love it’d give him more closure than I will ever have with my biological parents.

Thanks for the upvotes y’all. I didn’t realize how many people are also adopted. I’ve always felt a bit of an outsider in terms of parents. Thanks for the silvers and gold! :)Can’t believe I’ve had over 1K people upvote me and countless others read my story.

I’m glad I can share it to the world and hopefully others can realize they aren’t the only ones in a situation such as mine.

northernarrow −  I was adopted as a newborn and was raised in a loving family and I think you should write the letter. I still have questions about my biological parents that will never be answered, and even though I love my family more than anything, I still wonder.

Even if he chooses to not read it later in life, I think it being available to him isn’t inappropriate in any way and could be cathartic for both of you. I think what you’re doing is loving, courageous and so responsible. I can’t imagine how tough of a decision that must be for you.

istara −  Your urgent priority is mental health counselling and then adoption counselling. You may feel very differently after you give birth. You need to ensure you make this permanent decision in the most rational state of mind possible. And you must get ongoing counselling after the baby is born, whatever you decide. You are likely at high risk for post natal depression.

AZBusyBee −  Yes. Write the letter. He’ll have tons of questions and the letter will help.

centeredsis −  As the mother of two adoptive daughters, a letter like the one you described would have been appreciated by my children. I can imagine that your child would too.

[Reddit User] −  My ex-husband was adopted as an infant. He came from Taiwan to the US. His mother loved him so much, she sent a couple of photos and a letter with him to have to know that he was loved and it was out of her love for him to give him the best life possible where he had the opportunity to thrive and prosper.

He cherishes that letter and the photos and I know that it made a very positive difference for him. Good luck to you, I hope good things for you.

junielade84 −  Go ahead and write the letter. I think you are doing a courageous thing. I wish you the best.

kimber512_ −  My brother was adopted. He ended up adopting several kids with his wife because he was so affected in a positive way. I loved the way my parents handled telling him. He found out when he was 4 and asked where babies come from.

They told him and then told him his adoption story and how much they loved him and how much his birth parents loved him but that they were young and just wanted the best for him. What you are doing is very difficult, and very brave, and incredibly selfless. I wish you all the best. I think having a letter from you when he is older would be a very good thing for him to have.

gravymaster000 −  Hi! Contributing as someone that is bipolar I and has had some serious mental breaks in the past and a few hospital stints. I think your decision to adopt out is 1. Very personal and 2. A very selfless decision to make, and a letter is a beautiful way to document your place in life for your child.

I think it’s a great way to help you on your way to stabilization. What I have found is that bipolar is hugely about maintenance: regular psych visits, therapy, 100% med compliance and communication if a medication is not working, a balanced diet to avoid sugar spikes, and low to zero substance use.

I remember feeling like it would NEVER be better and I would NEVER be a functioning adult. It took me a long time to stabilize my mood and get to a good place about my diagnosis. It is totally possible, just takes an open mind and hard work.

Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk about bipolar disorder! I am always open and willing to help others out that are going through the pain of stabilization.