Struggling to Help My Wife with Her Growing Superstitions and OCD?

A man in his early 30s is struggling to help his wife manage her growing superstitions and OCD tendencies, which have intensified since their miscarriage. Despite his practical upbringing, his wife’s rigid religious background and fear-based beliefs dominate her actions, such as excessive handwashing, lengthy prayers, and extreme cleanliness.

Her behavior has begun affecting their relationship and daily life, but she resists discussing therapy or involving her family. He’s deeply concerned for her well-being and wants to support her while preserving their loving bond. read the original story below…

‘ Struggling to Help My Wife with Her Growing Superstitions and OCD?’

We’re in our early 30s, Hindu’s born and brought up in India, living in the USA for last 10 years and have been married for four years. I’ve always known that my wife has had some superstitions, and at times, she’d take things to extremes.

However, over the past year, these behaviors seem to have intensified significantly(especially after we suffered through miscarriage which was our first pregnancy) Even though I was brought up in a small village, my family had very practical religious beliefs and fear of God was never part of it.

My wife was brought up in one of the big metro cities but it seems her family had very rigid religious beliefs often doing things out of fear of God. Some of the things she does now are:

1. She washes her hands with soap ten times every single time she cleans them.
2. On days of religious significance or before she prays, she’ll take hour-long showers. The same happens before doctor’s or test appointments. This occurs once or twice a week.

3. She prays for four to five hours straight, often forgetting to eat or take her medication. Although it happens like once or twice a month
4. Her OCD about cleanliness has become extreme. She uses paper napkins to touch door handles, TV remotes, or light switches.

5. Whenever a family member faces a medical issue, she donates large sums of money to temples, which I believe is out of fear.
I’ve tried to talk to her, telling her that her fears are overwhelming her and offering to help her manage them, but she shuts me out every time.

I suggested seeing a therapist, but she asks me to wait, and she won’t let me bring it up with her family or friends either. It’s heartbreaking to watch her struggle, and I can see it’s taking a toll on our relationship, my work, and everything else. She’s an incredible woman—kind, caring, and deeply loving. But I just don’t know how to help her through this.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Spinnerofyarn −  I’m so sorry you and your wife are going through this. You’re right that she needs professional help. Can you ask someone from the temple to talk to her about getting help? I think that’s your next best bet. The two options you have after that are to live with it or let her know she gets help or you leave.

Agnesperdita −  OCD is a mental illness. Your wife is mentally ill and needs help to manage her condition. She needs to agree to involve others because she needs support. You are a lovely partner who can see the amazing person beyond the mental health issues that are crying out for help.

I hope you can manage to persuade her to accept support. I agree with other posters that if representatives of the temple fall in behind you to tell her that she needs to engage with doctors to help her get better, this might help a lot.

peakpenguins −  OCD is not just about cleanliness, everything you mentioned here can be symptoms. She needs to see a mental health professional about this.

decaturbob −  – YOU CAN NOT HELP her except to try to get her to seek professional help. You can not fix her obviously and she can only address her own issues IF SHE WANTS to…many do not. she refuses to take ownership and THE ONLY THING LEFT FOR YOU TO DO is to leave…otherwise you are ENABLER.

blumoon138 −  Would she be open to watching media or listening to interviews about OCD? Or does she not think she has anything wrong with her?

osikalk −  I agree with those who say that you will not be able to convince her to give up excessive religiosity, which looks like the ministry of nuns, and you will not be able to cure her of OCD yourself. But in fact, her disease is called misophobia. It is an extreme fear of germs.

I do not know if you have children, but if so, then her illness and religious zeal are extremely dangerous for them. Try to have a serious conversation with her one last time and threaten that if she doesn’t try to overcome her problems with the help of psychiatrists, then you will have to leave. I’m sorry, but this situation is only going to get worse.

It’s clear you care deeply for your wife and want to help her without overstepping. Perhaps gently revisiting the idea of therapy or finding subtle ways to reduce her stress could be a step forward. What advice would you give in this situation? Share your thoughts below!