Should I start calling my stepmother “Ammu” (mom)?

A 16-year-old is grappling with the decision to call their stepmother “Ammu” (mom) to foster a closer bond. The stepmother has been kind and respectful but has not displayed overt maternal affection.

The writer misses a motherly figure and hopes that using “Ammu” might strengthen their connection. However, they’re torn between this desire and the fear of their father’s reaction or upsetting maternal relatives who have always supported them.

‘ Should I start calling my stepmother “Ammu” (mom)?’

I’m 16 years old, and my mother passed away when I was 2. When I was 7, my father(present age-55) remarried. My stepmother (present age-38) has always been kind and respectful, fulfilling her responsibilities well. She’s never mistreated or neglected me, but she’s also never shown motherly affection.

I’ve never fully accepted her as my mother and kept a respectful distance. Now, I feel a deep sense of missing a motherly figure in my life. When I see my friends bonding with their moms, I long to call someone “Ammu” (mom).

I’m considering starting to call my stepmother “Ammu” in the hope that it might bring us closer and help me feel more connected to her. However, I’m hesitant for two reasons:
1. I feel embarrassed and don’t know how my father will react.
2. My maternal relatives (grandfather(80)and aunt(45)), who have always supported and loved me, might feel hurt or betrayed if I do this.

I don’t want to upset anyone, but I also yearn for a maternal connection. I can’t talk to my maternal relatives or my father about this, as I know they won’t understand.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Doughchild −  It sounds like she’s not the same as mom though. There is a distance. You could talk to her first, to see how it feels and if she’s interested in a closer bond. You’re getting older, maybe she’s holding back or maybe she’s okay with the current situation.

But don’t expect that maternal connection to happen because of you changing how you call her. It’s going to hurt bad if you hold onto that. Just cos you want to feel close doesn’t mean she can offer that and will. Sometimes it’s okay if she has her own title, even if that indicates you’re not as close.

So asking her is best way to determine how you continue. A mother is not the same as your mother or stepmother. Society makes them saintlike creatures, but they are humans with flaws. Don’t get blinded by expectations.

Agitated-Buddy2913 −  Do you feel close to her in that way? If so, talk to her in private. Maybe start the convo with, “Can we have a private talk, Ammu?” A smile or a frown will give you your answers, but still explore the whys and the feelings. Maybe she has always wanted this, too. Maybe not. Good luck.

Zandarino −  Sounds like she has earned the title, and she would probably like it. Ask your dad if it’s okay with him and if it is, ask her if it’s okay with her.

Navigating familial relationships is deeply personal, and it’s important to prioritize what feels right for you. If calling your stepmother “Ammu” is something you genuinely wish to do, consider sharing your feelings with her first to gauge her perspective.

It’s also okay to take small steps, like expressing your gratitude or affection in other ways, to see how the relationship evolves naturally. Ultimately, honoring your emotions while balancing sensitivity toward others’ feelings is a thoughtful approach. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!