She [33 F] cheated, I [32 M] left, but she’s not letting go
A Reddit user shares their experience of discovering that their long-term girlfriend cheated on them, leading to a breakup. Despite their clear decision to move on, their ex-girlfriend, who comes from a wealthy background, is using her resources to continuously bombard them with gifts, letters, and even physical encounters through friends.
The user feels trapped and harassed by their ex’s attempts to reconcile, even though they have made it clear they want nothing to do with her. The user is seeking advice on how to move on from this toxic situation when their ex won’t let them.
‘ She [33 F] cheated, I [32 M] left, but she’s not letting go?’
Pretty much what the title says, but obviously I should provide background to the situation. Okay. I’ve been with my ex-girlfriend, Vanessa, for the past 5 years. We met by at a convention for one of our hobbies, started just talking about the hobby itself, with no other goal in mind. We started dating when she confessed that she liked me as more than a friend, and it was mutual.
I just kept quiet because I didn’t really want to ruin the friendship and I wasn’t really expecting her to be interested in me. Dated for about two years steadily before we moved in together. Our families meshed well together, our friends mingled and we all became one big mixed social circle.
That was a surprise because we both come from very different financial backgrounds, me being raised in poor/middle-class kind of finances, Vanessa and her friends and family being really, really rich. Everything was great for the past three years, except when she cheated. Vanessa cheated on me with some random guy, I don’t even honestly know why nor do I really care to find out.
I found out a month ago because I took her phone to call up a friend since mine was inoperable at the time. First thing I saw when I unlocked her phone was a message popping up about how some guy “loved that ass bouncing” on him the day before. I’ll spare you the emotional turmoil I briefly went through.
And I’ll admit I just put the phone down, told her I was leaving without telling why and I could see she was confused about me just going out like that. I just didn’t want to do something I’d regret, because I did have anger issues in the past, but have mostly worked past those. She probably found out I saw that message,
but since my phone was still in the apartment, there was no one way to get in touch with me. I literally just walked around the city for hours until I was so tired that I felt like falling asleep on my feet. Went over to a friend’s place, stayed with them over the night and the day after I got over to our apartment and talked it out with Vanessa.
I told her I wasn’t going to be in a relationship with a cheater and that was that. I didn’t ask for details, how it happened, who exactly the other guy was, I just wanted to go away from it all. She wasn’t looking to oblige me, crying hysterically, blaming herself, hitting herself in the head because she was, and I quote, “a stupid cheating c*nt”, begging me not to go,
that she would do anything to try and fix this. The whole thing just made me even more uncomfortable to be around her and there was a scene in front of our apartment when our neighbors came out to see what the noise was about. I did manage to get away, but it was unnecessarily complicated with drama. She made her choice to f**k someone else,
I made mine to break up because I don’t want to be with a cheater. I managed to take away most of my things from the apartment when she wasn’t there and hoped that would be that. But if it was, I wouldn’t be here now. I mentioned before Vanessa and her family are rich. She’s now using her, and I presume her family’s, money in not giving me a single day of some kind of reminder of her.
Either I’m getting gifts sent my way at my workplace or I’m getting letters in the mail and packages. Or she just hangs out with one friend of hers somewhere where she knows I am – I have no idea how she knows and this is making me feel paranoid because I keep thinking she might have someone following me – trying to get me to talk with her.
I have tried talking with local police on the matter, but have been told in not so many words that her family would make sure nothing would be done about it. Props to the cop for being honest about it, but they could do their job instead. I want to heal. I want to move on. But she’s not letting me and I don’t have enough money to just move away somewhere else.
She’s already blocked or ignored on every possible media I have, but strangely enough she’s not trying to get to me through them anyway. Friends on the other hand are. Every friend she’s got, and she has plenty, has asked me to just meet up with her, hear her out or something else like that. But I’m so tired of that. I’m tired of this kind of s**t. I just want it over with.
I don’t want to hear her speak. I don’t want to see her. It won’t do me any good. So please, can anyone here help me? How do I move on from someone who won’t let me and who has absolutely both the time and money to keep doing it indefinitely? Do I give her that one meeting she wants from me? Would that even help? I’m not from USA or some other first world country, so I pretty much have no legal recourse.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
mcauleymom − See an attorney and draft a cease and desist letter for the constant mail. If she continues, seek a restraining order.
santamademe − Do not meet her. Do not meet her. Do not do it. If she catches you alone and isolated, who knows what she’ll do? Don’t give her an inch. Rich and crazy isn’t a good mix and we don’t live in a time where it’s good to be on the receiving end of any accusation. You need to not engage, do not talk to her, about her, anything. Stay away. Ignore her. Never be caught alone with her. Ever.
tuscabam − It always amazes me how “sorry” a cheater is. They’re not sorry they did it, they’re sorry they got caught. Good for you on ridding yourself of the constant merry go round you would have been facing. . She would definitely do it again. A cheater will always cheat again.
sunflower828 − I’m sorry to hear about this mess. The best thing you can do is block her out. Maybe even tell her friends to not get involved and you’ve set your mind on what you’ve wanted. You will get through this. Edit: If you do give her the time, it’s just gonna suck you into more drama.
She cheated and she had the choice on whether or not to and she chose that path. She will do it again if you give her another chance. Moving on is hard but it’s best to throw out the pictures or whatever. You deserve better!!
CheapChallenge − Either she is using a detective to follow you which should be very very expensive to keep doing every day, or she has access to your phone’s tracking information. If you use Android you may want to look into changing all your passwords and turning off location history, and disable location tracking when you aren’t using that feature.
Noononsense − She’s behaving as a typical spoiled rich girl who can’t get what she wants. Stay strong my friend you’re handling all this like a boss. Love your zero tolerance stance on cheating. I’m with you there 100%.
As others have mentioned I would start documenting each incident. I know you said her family would stop any police enforcement but once you’ve complied a list of incidents I would try again with an attorney. I wish you well.
skank_lover − Just ignore every single one of her friends, if you’re messaging them she’s thinking she still has some kind of chance. You should start hitting on the friends that she sends after you actually, if her friends go back to her saying “yeah he tried to f**k me” then she might have second thoughts…
friendlystonergirl − When did this all happen? It doesn’t sound like this happened very long ago. Keep ignoring, keep moving on and hopefully it will pass without escalation. It’s still a fresh breakup. I’ve read your comments and it really sucks her families influence is a factor in the harassment to her facing. I’m sorry you feel you have no other options.
I get you’re tired but if you really have no other options as you say then you’ll just have to keep ignoring. You’re doing great so far and I really hope you eventually find the peace you’re looking for. Love bombing is usually how a lot of relationships go after a breakup. Maybe do some research online on how to deflect and avoid this behaviour and what other ‘phases’ to expect and prepare yourself for.
WeddingCrasher91 − Kudos for keeping your balls intact
TwistedxPanda − Hey Op, first of all sorry you are going through a stalking situation!. I didn’t see it in your post but are her parents aware of what she is doing? I mean yes you mention she is using the family money but nothing about them.
If they aren’t aware i would suggest writing a detailed letter of your concerns to them, from my experience affluent parents can go either way – Super strict and don’t want any mar on the family name or downright crazy. I’m just spit-balling ideas, one thing is for certain – Record every attempt she tries to contact you and stay no contact from your end. Inform family and your friends on what is happening and finally keep yourself safe OP
What would you do in this situation? How can someone truly move on when an ex seems intent on not letting go? Would engaging in one final conversation help, or is it better to continue cutting all ties? Share your thoughts and experiences below.