Secret is killing me and I’m trying to decide if Iq should tell my husband

A Reddit user (25F) is struggling with the secret of her past and whether to tell her husband (31M). When she was 17, she was kicked out of her parents’ house and ended up engaging in an arrangement with two men for money.

While the relationship with her husband is strong, she’s been carrying this secret for years, feeling guilty and depressed. She’s now debating whether to come clean, or if it would be wrong not to share this part of her past. Read the original story below.

‘ Secret is killing me and I’m trying to decide if Iq should tell my husband’

My husband(31) and I(25f) have only been married for 9 months, but have been together for 3 years. We have a great relationship and he is the best. He is my best friend and I love him more than anything. This is embarrassing to post, but I can’t talk to anyone about it.

When I was 17 my parents kicked me out and I moved in with my then bf. Long story, but what ended up happening was that there were 2 guys I started seeing for money. These were people my bf knew, he set it up and everything, and it was only these people.

One guy who I saw regularly was pretty cool and we were actually pretty close. The other guy was every once in a while. It was obviously not ideal, but because of the circumstances I thought the risks were low, people wouldn’t find out, and it was a lot of money at the time.

I was 18 and really stupid and this is something I very much regret now. This went on for about 2 years and saved me many times, especially during school. It wasn’t until I got older that I started to feel really bad about it, but whenever I thought about it I would just pretend like it didn’t happen and it worked for the most part.

I’m not sure what triggered this, maybe seeing my family over Christmas, but for the last few weeks I have been feeling horrible about it. I have been soul crushingly depressed and I feel guilty and like I am hiding something from him and that he should be with someone better.

The thought of him knowing is causing me major stress and anxiety. The guilt and shame has been enormous. I’m sure it will pass, but is it wrong for him not to know and should I tell him?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Seltzer-Slut −  You were a teenager, your boyfriend pimped you out. I don’t recommend talking to your current partner about this until you have really worked through it in therapy. You need to figure out how you feel about it, who you are, what your story is. You can’t do that if he has a negative reaction.

tk10000000 −  I think you should seek therapy about it before telling your boyfriend, because it’s clearly having an impact on you. But you should know if he’s someone that would judge you for something you did out of survival he isn’t worth s**t.

lfjcs −  I’m an 82 yr old guy and been married 60 years. Wife and I both agree you have nothing to be guilty or ashamed about. You did not hurt anyone and came through healthy and wiser. Others reactions reflect on their ability to understand, sensitivity and care.

4215265 −  You were pimped out and are a victim. You should seek professional help. The guilt you are feeling is probably not because you feel bad for not telling him, but because you yearn for emotional support. Go to therapy!

All in all, if you don’t want to tell him, don’t feel guilty for not telling him. You don’t need to tell your partner your past s**ual experiences as long as you’re clean (STD free). There was a sub on askreddit a few weeks ago where the general consensus is you don’t need to tell partners your past.

Ran_dom_1 −  I think you should work on forgiving yourself before you discuss it with anyone other than a therapist. Also figure out what triggered this for you. OP, you were kicked out of your home by your parents at only 17.

Your bf let you move in, but then apparently used the situation you were in to pimp you out. Everyone failed you. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. Gift yourself therapy this year, & putting this behind you by truly working through your feelings about it. Best wishes, OP.

CermaitLaphroaig −  I’m not sure what the best move is in terms of telling him, but this is DEFINITELY something to talk over with a therapist. It will help you feel out your feelings, and your therapist can help you decide what you want to do, and lay out a plan to do it if so.

Are you still in contact with any of these people? “This was my life back then that I’ve left far behind” is a different conversation than “Yeah, so I never told you how I met my friend Steve…”

Matias8823 −  If you tell him, make sure you tell him that you were a trafficking victim. This is not a decision anyone makes freely, it comes with pressure and desperation. If your husband loves you, he should support you. Gameplan with your therapist about how to convey this.

i_need_a_username201 −  You were pImped out by your BF while you were underaged. You need to seek professional help. Your husband needs to know.

He may not be able to handle the news because you hid it for so long. Get help before disclosing this to him so you will have the tools you need to work through whatever his reaction will be.. #THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

MamaMia1325 −  Some of the comments on here are repulsive and are pretty clearly posted by toxic men.

annang −  You may not see it this way, but my reading of your story is that it sounds to me like you were s** trafficked as a teenager. It doesn’t matter whether the men were nice or how much they paid you.

Your boyfriend pimped you out in a situation where you didn’t have a realistic way to refuse because of your economically coercive circumstances And you are absolutely entitled to ask for the support you need as you process that experience. If you don’t feel ready to talk with your husband about it, that’s okay.

You can take as much time as you need and talk about it if and when you feel ready. In the meantime, you should consider seeking therapy, or reaching out to survivors’ groups for resources. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I’m impressed by your strength and resilience.

This dilemma highlights the emotional weight that comes with secrets and how they can affect even the most secure relationships. Whether to share something painful from the past or to protect the present from it is a deeply personal decision.

Would knowing this secret change the relationship for her husband? Would it bring relief or more strain? What would you do in her position? Share your thoughts below.