recently found out that I (17M) got into my brother’s (19M) former dream university which he did not get accepted to last year, feeling guilty about really wanting to go now?

A 17-year-old (M) feels conflicted about accepting admission to his older brother’s (19M) former dream university, which the brother was rejected from last year.

Despite the older sibling thriving at his second-choice school, lingering feelings about the rejection make the younger brother hesitant to share his acceptance news. He wants to pursue the opportunity but fears jeopardizing their close relationship.

‘ recently found out that I (17M) got into my brother’s (19M) former dream university which he did not get accepted to last year, feeling guilty about really wanting to go now?’

My brother, Mike (19), for a long time had a dream university that he wanted to go to. I’m not quite sure when or why he settled on this choice, but from about the time he was a freshman he was working to get into this particular school.

Unfortunately he didn’t get into the school, and he was really upset about it. He spent the better part of a month miserable, but he snapped out of it eventually. Mike went to his second choice university (which this year was ranked higher than his first choice, and got particular recognition for the program that he’s in).

He had a really good year, he loved it, made a ton of friends, and got really good grades too. This year I was applying to universities and I applied to Mike’s old top choice. One of my teachers (who has actually never met Mike) recommended it and really encouraged me to apply.

I was hesitant at first because it was ‘Mike’s school’, but he’s also a lot smarter than I am so I figured if he couldnt get in then I wouldnt either (although I applied for a totally different program from him). I didn’t tell Mike or parents (or anyone but my teacher really) that I was applying.

I recently found out I got in. At first I was happy, I mean it’s by far the best university I got into and all those years of Mike talking it up made me like it as well I guess. But now I’m feeling guilty I guess for applying, it’s like I’m stealing his dream or something I dont know. I havent told anyone I got in yet.

I wanted to talk to Mike first about it. But my dad had to go away for work and he had a layover at the closest airport to the university and Mike made this joke about the city being “the-town-which-must-not-be-named” and said he would’ve taken the other route,

which had a layover three times as long in another airport just to avoid being in that city. So he obviously still has feelings about it. Normally I speak to my brother first about everything, he’s the one I go to for advice, but I can’t do that now.

I do really like the university and I want to go (and I have to make that decision like ASAP to sort out housing and everything), but I’m worried that my going might effect my relationship with my brother. I don’t want it to seem like I’m stealing his dream or whatever. How should I approach him about this? Should I just tell my parents first?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

myjah −  Just tell your brother you got in and want to go. It sounds like he’s happy and doing well for himself at where he ended up. His “city that should not be named” could have just been a joke. Heck, who knows! Your brother might be proud of you and encourage you to go.

BetterWithLatte −  Older sibling here. Go! One of the best things that an older sibling can experience is passing a love for something on to a younger sibling. Even if your brother feels a twinge of jealousy when you first tell him, he will probably be happy for you.

latorrealba −  If he is a good brother, he’ll be super happy. You guys are family and as a family you have to celebrate each other’s successes. And even if he doesn’t like the news, it’s YOUR future!

[Reddit User] −  What would a mature, kind, generous, wise person do? They’d go to the freaking school. This is cause of celebration. You can celebrate tactfully.

TAEROS111 −  Look dude, there are times in life when you just have to prioritize yourself. This is one of those times. Don’t give up a shot at what would obviously be an an amazing opportunity for you just because you’re worried that your brother *might* have some feelings about it.

If he’s a good older brother, he’ll be happy for you, especially considering how well his choice of university turned out for him in the long run. You’re young, what’s more, you’re far too young not to follow your heart and your dreams. Go for it.

Sheephuddle −  Congrats! I hope you have a great time at university. If you feel awkward about this, you can remind yourself that your brother applied for a different programme, so your situations aren’t really the same.

heres_thefoxx −  He’s your older brother: he wants to see you succeed. Even if he feels a little sting, overall he will be happy for you. Go for it! Break the news! Celebrate!

[Reddit User] −  I’m the youngest sibling so I have no reference to the conflicts between older/younger siblings. I can tell you that with my nieces I only want the best for them. I mean, why wouldn’t I want them to do things I couldn’t? I’d be more prone to thinking “heck yeah!

That’s my niece!” than bitter, anger or jealously. It sounds like he found his place and a good fit. I disagree with telling your parents first. If your brother *is* sensitive about it it will likely be compounded by realizing everyone knows but him. I personally would tell him first.

Randomwords47 −  I’m pretty sure he will be proud of you. Just tell him. The “town-which-must-not-be-named” comment was probably just a joke, sure he will remember it but it sounds like he is over it and fine with it. I’d just be honest.

If he feels bad, he can make himself feel better with the not being on the same course thing.Don’t not go. If this is the best school for you, then you should  pursue it for sure. Not doing because of him would be doing yourself a disservice and if he cares about you he will be able to swallow any wounded pride and wish you luck.

speaker_for_the_dead −  I would go. Going to a top notch school can honestly be life changing. Good luck.