One of my (f22) best friends (f21) is supposed to move in with me in October. She has now gotten pregnant and wants us to raise the baby together

A Redditor shared a dilemma about her best friend, who was set to move in with her. However, plans took an unexpected turn when her friend became pregnant and expressed a desire to raise the baby together in their shared apartment.

Faced with the challenge of balancing personal boundaries and supporting her friend, the Redditor is seeking advice on how to handle this situation delicately. Read the original story below to learn more about this complex and emotional situation.

‘ One of my (f22) best friends (f21) is supposed to move in with me in October. She has now gotten pregnant and wants us to raise the baby together’

So yeah I’ve rented a room in a great 4 bedroom apartment for the past year and since my two roommates both are moving out in August, I’ve been offered to rent the whole apartment which is a great opportunity and I’ve already asked my two best friends if they wanted to sublet the two other rooms and move in with me which they were both very excited to do.

My two current roommates aren’t moved out yet and no lease has been signed either on my part or my two friends part, so it is still in the hypothetical. I’ve been transparent to my friends that it might fall through as my landlord might change his mind.

And just let me continue to rent the one room and not let anyone else move in as the building is going to be renovated once all renters have moved out.
My one friend, Indy, has an apartment of her own that she’s comfortable in so she isn’t depending on this to go through, even though my apartment is definitely better located and more spacious.

My other friend, Layla, still lives at home where she isn’t in a rush to move out either so none of my friends would end up with nowhere to stay should this doesn’t work out. Layla is very excited and I’ve been excited with her,

talking about how we each have a bit of money saved that could go towards improving the apartment and it’s been great to have someone to dream with the past month. Now, things took a turn on Wednesday. Layla found out she’s pregnant.

She got tinder about 2 months ago and have been having some fun meeting new people and dating which is completely new territory for her. And so there are more than one option for a father, all of whom she isn’t interested in involving. She’s over the moon over this news and wants to keep the baby and raise it as a single mother.

I personally think this is a terrible idea. She’s only 21, she’s not in university yet, only has a part time job of 4 hours a week and has a long history of depression and anxiety disorders (possibly borderline personality disorder or something like it, she’s in treatment to find the right diagnosis), has never lived out of her parents home or taken care of herself at all.

It’s her decision and not mine though, and I will of course be there for her as I’ve known her for over 15 years and I lover her. She hasn’t told her parents yet because they would flip out and she would like to be moved out before she does tell them. She wants to move into the apartment still, and raise the baby there with my friend and I.

We met up Friday and she layed out this plan on how she could work until she knew what she wanted to do in terms of university, and my friend and I could babysit together, arranging it after our classes. She said we each could put our savings towards the baby as “we essentially would all be parents”.

I am just not okay with this at all. I feel like university is stressful and I don’t have enough time as it is for my assignments without caring for a kid in my spare time. I am 22 and I also like doing 22 things like having friends over for a drink on Fridays and sleeping in on Sundays, having dates over and all that jazz.

And having an infant in the apartment is just not something I see working out with my lifestyle. It’s her choice to keep the baby but I don’t think it’s right to force my friend and I to be co parents with her. I think she has this romantic view of what its like to care for a small child, especially as a single, young mother with very little means and even though I love her,

I’m not willing to sacrifice that amount of time and money on her decision to become a parent unexpectedly. She’s only 6 weeks along so it’s not an immediate problem, but I feel like I can’t let her move in now. Indy doesn’t know yet, but I’m thinking she will have the same feelings as me about the situation.

Layla has told a few of her friends I’m not very close with, about her plan as if it is definitely going to happen and they are very excited for her and kinda hyping her up and further painting an idyllic picture of how she is going to raise this kid in my apartment.

I just have no idea what to do right now. I don’t know how I’m supposed to tell her that this is not going to work for me and she can’t move in here with a baby. I didn’t directly tell her I think it’s insane for her to have a baby right now as this must be a tough and scary time for her and I didn’t want to upset her too much.

I did tell her I have concerns with how it would work out but she wasn’t fazed at all. Should I tell her parents? Her mom is a very sweet and kind person who have always helped her but her dad is a different story and I don’t know how he would react.

I have considered talking to Indy about it and maybe figure out a way for us to tell her together, or something but yeah any advice or comments are appreciated! Thank you 🙂

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

[Reddit User] −  Tell her she won’t be moving in. This is not your responsibility. Having a child in the household is difficult and will disrupt your studying and stress out you more, given that Layla counts on your help. You can talk with Indy too and tell Layla together. You must be firm and not feel guilt. She has a home she can stay there.

Batwoman_2017 −  Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha she can f**k off OP. Tell her she can’t move in. Or if she does, you have no obligation to raise the child with her.

sophyines −  She’s trying to force responsibility on you. It may be hard , Tell her that This is not okay and that you’re not ready to prioritize a baby until potentially the rest of it’s life. You are her friend but this was HER life choice, not yours and you have every right to tell her that you’re not ready for a baby in your life everyday.

Best part about not wanting a baby is you don’t have to justify why you don’t want one. You aren’t the one who made her pregnant and it sounds like she’s planning your life for you. Tell her if she wants help building savings, to go look for the father and take him to court.

I guarantee she will take advantage of you and any other roommate, you’ll be taking care of the baby more than her, or paying more in living expenses as she may continue to work for 4 hours a week despite her “plan”.

It sucks during covid with places shut down but if you’re having difficulty finding words to make sure you don’t hurt her or ruin your Friendship, contact a women’s clinic, let them know your situation and that she wants to keep the baby, but you need to help your friend by finding options. Good luck!

livinthefeverdream −  I’m going to preface this by stating my heated opinion, followed by my advice. I’m sorry but she sounds obnoxiously selfish and incredibly toxic. I understand that she is a very close friend that you’d want to help through thick and thin,

but for her to not only ask you and your other friend to add infant care to your full-time education, but to also ask you guys to contribute financially?? No combination of words can describe that level of insanity. When you factor in the details regarding her current school/work status, that only further proves her unreliability and potential to seriously s**ew you financially.

You sound like you’re doing well for yourself with going to school and living independently. Following through with what she is asking of you is only going to cripple you and destroy your own potential. I’m in my 20’s and have close friends from childhood that unfortunately made a hell of a lot more mistakes than I did.

I haven’t been in your exact position, but I have been in similar ones. I can 100% guarantee that your best option is to be completely honest with her and tell her what you need to in order for her to get a grip on reality.

Not only say how hurtful it is for her to put you in that position, but tell her as a super close friend that wants to see her be successful and happy that she simply needs to grow up and face this as an adult. Offer to be there with her to tell her parents, but tell her that they need to know; they’re obviously going to know sooner or later.

Tell her that instead of moving in with you and your other friend, she’d be much better off with her parents while simultaneously finding a job with more hours so she can SAVE as much as possible. If she can’t take that reality and goes directly on the defensive, then that’s up to you to decide if you need that toxicity in your life.

I genuinely wish the both of you the absolute best. Unexpected pregnancies are life-changing and difficult to get through, and you’re going to need all the support you can get. But there are right ways and wrong ways to do it. What she is proposing so far is the wrong way to do it, and she needs to know that.

Digitalbird06 −  Definitely don’t tell her mom, that’s a huge violation of trust and would probably ruin your friendship with Layla. As for raising the baby, you are well within your right to say no to her moving in. You had only agreed to her moving in, not her and a baby. It’s very selfish for her to assume you and your roommates would drop everything to raise her baby.

That is her responsibility, not yours. My question for you, are your roommates close with Layla? If not, she might feel like you’re all ganging up on her. However she also might not take you seriously if it’s just you. I’d definitely talk to Indy about it and get her opinion.

Either way make sure she knows you’ll still be there for her. Maybe help her find a place to live so she’s not left with nowhere to go. She’s going to take the news hard so she may push you away. Just be prepared for that.

drunkymcgee88 −  Moving out of her parents home with a child and she works 4 hrs a week. Did I read that correctly?

silentdash −  Don’t let yourself get saddled with someone else’s responsibility. When talking to her about this, just be honest that this move will not be a great situation for either of you. It doesn’t have to be about her not having a great job or her struggle with mental illness. This new development is not something that you signed up for.

You aren’t into the idea of co-parenting. Let her know that you’re friends and that you don’t judge her, but that moving in togetjer is not something that can happen as it would be too much of an upheaval of your life and the plans that you have for yourself. No other justifications are needed or owed so don’t be made to feel guilty. Stay strong and good luck.

dudedudetx −  Wow she is ridiculous. There is only one proper response to something that absurd. “F**k no”.

kevin_r13 −  4 hours isn’t even part time. it’s more like volunteer work and she got a little bit of money for it. Anyway she can raise the baby but tell her you’re not interested in raising the baby.

you’re not Ready to be involved in that at your stage in life, and in fact she might get more help by staying at home with her parents than moving out to pretend to be independent but depending on her roommate to help her raise the baby

zanne54 −  I wouldn’t move in with anyone who only works 4 hours a week. Who’s going to (be stuck) paying their rent? And then adding the expense of a baby, and no support from the other parent? And she’s told you her expectation that you will support her and baby? This has disaster written all over it. She needs an intervention.

Should the Redditor set firm boundaries about the living arrangement and prioritize her own needs, or find a way to compromise with her friend’s newfound plans? How would you handle such a sensitive situation if it involved someone close to you? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/BDaVD