Need advice. My fiance (58 m) expects me (54 f)to make him a full course breakfast during the work week. Are there women who work FT who have time to cook a full breakfast for their man before they start work?
Mornings can be a battleground when it comes to shared routines, especially in a busy household. Our storyteller, a 24-year-old woman, describes a recurring conflict with her fiancé over breakfast expectations. While he enjoys a hearty spread—bacon, eggs, potatoes, and toast or biscuits—she prefers a lighter, quicker meal like yogurt.
Working a full-time hybrid schedule means she values a few extra minutes of sleep rather than waking up early to prepare a full breakfast every day. What started as a simple difference in morning preferences has now escalated into a contentious debate, with her fiancé insisting that women across America would happily cook a lavish breakfast for their man.
Caught in the crossfire of traditional expectations and modern realities, she finds herself questioning whether her refusal to cater to his demands makes her the bad guy. Is it fair to expect a grown man to rely on his partner as a personal chef on workdays, or is her wish to prioritize her own time completely reasonable? Let’s delve into her story and explore whether her stance is justified.
‘ Need advice. My fiance (58 m) expects me (54 f)to make him a full course breakfast during the work week. Are there women who work FT who have time to cook a full breakfast for their man before they start work?’
Expert Opinion
“Establishing healthy routines and clear boundaries in a relationship is crucial, especially when both partners have demanding work schedules,” explains Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert featured in Psychology Today. In this scenario, the OP’s conflict with her fiancé centers around differing expectations for morning routines.
Dr. Orbuch notes that while shared meals can strengthen relationships, they should never come at the expense of individual well-being or personal time. “If one partner is expected to sacrifice sleep or personal preferences to cater to the other’s ideals, it may be a sign that boundaries need to be re-evaluated,” she adds.
Dr. Orbuch further explains that modern relationships often require flexibility and shared responsibility. “A grown adult should be capable of preparing his own breakfast or finding an alternative, like grabbing something on the go,” she states. This perspective suggests that the OP’s desire not to be woken up early to cook a full breakfast is not only reasonable but also aligns with contemporary expectations of equality in household duties.
Moreover, she points out that insisting on traditional gender roles can lead to unnecessary resentment and imbalance. “It’s important that both partners communicate their needs clearly and work together to create routines that support mutual well-being,” Dr. Orbuch advises.
In addition, Dr. Orbuch acknowledges that individual differences in appetite and lifestyle play a significant role. “Not everyone is built for a hearty breakfast, and forcing a routine that doesn’t suit one’s natural rhythm can cause unnecessary stress,” she explains.
Therefore, the OP’s preference for a lighter meal like yogurt is entirely valid. Ultimately, her decision to refuse the expectation to cook full breakfasts on workdays is a matter of personal choice and self-care, which should be respected in any healthy relationship.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
The Reddit community overwhelmingly supports the OP’s stance. Many commenters argue that a grown man should be self-sufficient enough to prepare his own breakfast or find an alternative, especially in 2024—not 1974. Several users pointed out that expecting one partner to serve as a personal chef reflects outdated gender roles, and if he truly desired that level of care, he should either learn to cook or be willing to pay for it.
A number of commenters even suggested that her fiancé’s demands border on entitlement, with some harshly advising that such expectations indicate a lack of respect for his partner’s time and well-being. Overall, the consensus is that the OP is not in the wrong—she is simply prioritizing her own health and sleep over an unreasonable demand.
At its core, this story is about balancing personal needs with relationship expectations. While sharing responsibilities can strengthen a partnership, it should never come at the cost of one partner’s well-being. The OP’s refusal to be woken up early to cook a full breakfast is a modern, self-respecting choice that challenges outdated gender norms. Though her fiancé’s reaction may reflect his personal preferences or past experiences, true partnership means supporting each other’s individuality and choices.
What would you do if you faced similar morning demands from a partner? Share your thoughts, experiences, and advice in the comments below!
So, Who’s been cooking this full breakfast he expects previously?
Tell your husband that it is twenty twenty five, not eighteen seventy five.
I don’t eat breakfast, but my husband does. He cooks his own.
My father who was a postie complained about a similar issue Just once. Cue malicious compliance. He was presented with a full we’re talking the works breakfast at 3.00am. mum stood there and made sure every bit was consumed even though he was visibly struggling to eat that amount so early. He never demanded it again. Turns out it was just bragging right with the boys be careful what you wish for
No ma’am! Not in this day and age! If he wants it he can prepare it. I would see this as a huge red flag! Please seriously reconsider tying yourself legally to this man.
Before I got married the first time, a wise older woman gave me some advice. “Don’t ever start doing something you can’t see yourself doing for the rest of your life.” Cooking a big breakfast for a grown man every day? NOPE>
Tell that lazy prick to get off his ass and cook his own breakfast! What fucking century does he think it is?
Do not marry a man that is so disrespectful and delusional. My late husband and I 61(F) always shared the household chores – cooking, cleaning, mowing, repairs – except laundry (I have always been more particular about the laundry). He was a Pharmacist and I an engineer. He was a wonderful husband, partner, and my soul mate.
Sorry for your loss.
Whaha thats a hard no. What a stupid man
Send him back to mommy or whoever gave him these strange notions of what a proper woman should do for her man. Whoever he is being returned to, get him out of your life before you shackle yourself to a man who wants a live-in maid and hooker (no doubt he wants that on-demand too)