My[38m] wife [24f] of 3 years, took my daughter[14f] to visit her parents in Russia. Wife doesn’t want to come back

A 38-year-old man shared the shocking experience of his 24-year-old wife taking his 14-year-old daughter to visit her family in Russia and then deciding not to return. During the trip, his wife left the daughter alone at the airport, causing significant distress.

The man had to contact the U.S. consulate for help to ensure his daughter’s safe return. His wife has since stopped responding to his messages and expressed her desire to stay longer with her family, leaving the husband questioning how to navigate the situation and what to do next.

‘ My[38m] wife [24f] of 3 years, took my daughter[14f] to visit her parents in Russia. Wife doesn’t want to come back’

Like above. Sorry for ranting and any grammar errors I’ve been sitting in an airport for over almost 9 hours and making a lot of calls and had a bit to drink. Also this is a throwaway so I don’t completely dox myself. My wife went to visit her parents who live in a small suburb outside of St. Petersburg, Russia.

My wife herself was born there, and came to the US when she was around 18 years old – when we first met. (This is NOT a mail order bride scenario or anything of the sort). I was finishing my up my post-grad, she was starting her undergrad – one thing lead to another and here we are.

As she was a student when we first met, she did not anticipate meeting me and us getting so deeply involved – so she never planned on staying in the US. It just kind of happened that way. (She entered on a F1 visa then a k1 visa now she has a green card).

Understandably, she misses her family a lot, though for the most part we’ve been extremely happy together, minus the standard few squabbles here and there. 3 years ago we had two wedding ceremonies, one in the US with my family and one in Russia with her family and a mix of my immediate family.

Until last week she hadn’t seen her family since the wedding due to her finishing up school and helping out my daughter, as I have custody. As school wrapped up for her, and as a graduation gift, we decided it’d be a good idea for her to go visit her family for a week. She wanted to bring my daughter with her – I initially was opposed to this – but I caved and let her bring her(my daughter wanted to go).

Through her trip she hasn’t been too much in contact with me aside the occasional message on WhatsApp and photos etc. which is understandable – she’s on vacation and I don’t expect constant alerts, but I would have liked a little more of an update. My daughter has been texting me almost daily and showing me photos as well.

Yesterday morning I had texted my wife that I’d be there to pick them at the airport at the time she had told me the flight arrived. She read the message but never answered. I told my daughter the same and she never responded. I assumed they were just busy and left it at that. I had a hellish day at work so I went right to bed so I could be up early to go get them.

I wake up today stupidly without checking my app and go to the airport, the arrival time comes and I look at my phone to message them. I see about 60 messages from my daughter panicking starting nearly 15 hours ago saying that she missed her flight and doesn’t know how to get home.

Confused as s**t – she tells me my wife basically told her how to get home and then dropped her off at the airport. Panicked I reach out to her and blow up her whatsapp. She finally answers and sends a long 3 paragraph essay on how she has missed her family so much she doesn’t want to leave them and she wants to stay longer.

Pissed off that she waited to tell me this, she left my daughter alone at an airport in another country, that I took off work to come today to get her, and how this is so last minute – I go off on her through text. She tells me off and stops answering me.

I reach out to her mom through WhatsApp (who doesn’t speak English at all) and using google translate ascertain that she wants to stay for another month for her brothers birthday party. Her mom said she didn’t know this was going on and went to the airport to go help my daughter get back safely.

Panicked I go to reach out the US consulate in Saint Petersburg only to find online it was shut down in March and the nearest is in Moscow. I reach out to the Moscow one and luckily get almost an immediate response and they were a HUGE help in getting my daughter on her correct flights. Even having someone meet her on the connecting airport to help her to the right terminal safely.

My wife still hasn’t answered me since our blow out. And her mom said she hasn’t seen or heard from her since this morning. What the hell am I supposed to even do with this? The lack of responsibility and carelessness she showed is astronomical to me.

Check out how the community responded:

context_policy −  Well, thankfully your daughter is coming home, to a parent that cares and is able to take care of her. As far as the wife goes, I’m at a loss. She’s an adult and even though you may not want to hear it, this may be perm. I’d just reach out, calmly and see if there’s a dialogue you can start.

The only problem is since she’s over there, she can block your contact extremely easily. I wish you luck, OP. Again, glad to hear your daughter is on her way back.

joyleaf −  Your wife is 24. She is **24**. She came when she was 18, got married at *21*, with the intent to go back home, so of course she’s homesick (just to give some perspective). However, **this obviously doesn’t justify her actions, and abandoning your daughter like that in a foreign country was an awful and dangerous thing to do.

I suggest making a new bank account like others have suggested (if you have a joint account), and start putting most of your income into that. Your wife may want a divorce and to stay in her home country, or she may realize she wants to go back to the US and be with you. Regardless, be prepared for what you want to do in both cases.

(You married a 21 year old when you were 35, she’s in her 20s and a long ways from home, please keep that in mind. She’s very young and probably making a lot of impulsive decisions because of the rush of feelings upon returning home. Best of luck to you and your daughter.)

Edit: For the people saying we shouldn’t judge them because they were two consenting adults: you’re not entirely wrong, but those sort of relationships hardly ever work out/are seldom healthy, and she was barely an adult. She was 18, in a foreign country, and he was 32. My SO and I have a bit of an age gap ourselves, but we are in similar levels of life experience.

She was a college freshman and he was doing his post-graduate while already being a father to an 8 year old child (not that that’s an issue, but it shows how far apart their lives were). She, even now, is still maturing as a 24 year old and had to spend ages 18-24 caring for someone else’s child and couldn’t visit home because of it.

Ages aside, people shouldn’t become so committed so quickly when their life plans are in two different directions. She wanted to go home, OPs life and daughter are in the US. Again, how she handled the situation was rash and selfish, and this background of course doesn’t justify how she handled the child she was meant to protect in her home country.

Jazzy0082 −  I hope your daughter gets back safely, but man. You got together when you were 32 and she was 18. So many red flags all round.

[Reddit User] −  Cancel your wife’s credit cards. Move money into private bank accounts. Save your messages.
You may never see her again. If I was you then I would give her nothing more until she returned to the US. If she wants to give up everything to live in Russia then let her.

NotRickDeckard1982 −  Assuming your daughter is actually on a plane home… Open a new bank account in your name only and move the majority of your liquid cash there. Close all credit cards save one for your wife with a very low limit. My guess is that someone may be using her to empty your accounts and run up your credit cards.

And I’d be worried for her if I were you – I mean her mom doesn’t even know what’s going on. I’d also consult a lawyer and see if you can maybe work with local law enforcement – she may be in trouble.

minnabruna −  She’s barely not a kid herself, living a life she didn’t intend, kept from visiting her family for years (a third of her life up until then) in part because she’s caring for a child just a few years younger than herself and living the life of a much older man as he wants it, without even a short trip home or, I’m guessing, much teenage/young adult fun.

Ditching the daughter is inexcusable, and just not telling the husband that she isn’t coming until she had no choice and then ignoring him is extremely immature, but that’s what she is – not yet mature.That life is not for her and after a few years of it she’s had enough and she’s escaping it.

Maybe just taking a big break from it with her deeply-missed loved ones and intends to come back, but either way, she wants her original life. And I get it. What I don’t get is why a grown man with a daughter started a relationship with a barely-legal teenager on her first big experience and then thought she would live his old man life without access to her old life and regular visits to loved ones forever.

Or why he would even want to marry someone in such a different place in their development. Marry a child, get a childish wife doing childish things.

[Reddit User] −  You were 32 when she was 18 and fresh from Russia when you guys met? This is:. 1. Creepy and inappropriate. 2. Half expected

SakuOtaku −  So you were 32 when you started a relationship with an 18 year old girl who just arrived in a foreign country? ~~And you say she doesn’t speak English?~~. 😬😬😬
That ain’t healthy in the first place, chief. Edit: Got confused about who the mom was in the story

APotatoFlewAround_ −  You got with her when she was 18 when she just moved to the USA. What’d you expect? Try dating someone around your own age.

younoobsdisgustme −  You seem like a d**k. Marrying a girl half your age. Going to “graduate school” yet not being generous enough to let your wife visit her family for 3 years?! And when you finally let her go it’s for a single f**king week? I have a wife from Russia and we make sure to visit at least 1 times year if not more and are shortest stay has been 2 weeks.

I’m not rich but I am generous. Clearly you are incapable of making wise decisions and are looking to unload your current situation on someone else. I’d bet at least 50% of your story is false and you are omitting several things. You need to be a better man, husband and father.. Disgusting.

How would you approach this situation? Should the man focus on legal steps to protect his daughter and himself, or try to salvage the relationship with his wife? Share your thoughts and advice below to join the discussion.