My(32m) girlfriend(32f) threatens to abort our child everytime an issue comes up, any advice?

A Reddit user shared their struggles with their pregnant girlfriend, who has a pattern of using the potential abortion of their child as leverage during arguments. The relationship has been challenging due to her unresolved issues from past relationships, emotional outbursts, and a history of alcohol use.

While she has been sober since becoming pregnant, her comments and actions continue to create tension. The user feels trapped, torn between wanting to ensure the well-being of their child and dealing with the toxicity in the relationship. Read on to delve deeper into their story.

‘ My(32m) girlfriend(32f) threatens to abort our child everytime an issue comes up, any advice?’

I’m not sure what else to say that the title didn’t, not even sure if this is the right sub for this. I don’t post on reddit but I just want to let this out.
My girlfriend has had a rough past and I’ve tried being understanding as much as I can,

she would take out her frustration on me about her past relationships and how they’ve left her feeling, everytime it had been while she was drunk, and I tried to understand it wasn’t her because she would blackout but she has said some really messed up things to me in those situations and even thrown my own past at me.

I had started to grow tired of this at this point. This went on until she got pregnant. Since we found out she was pregnant she has since been sober. I had grown tired before with how she would treat me and now she uses this against me,

anytime I try and stand my ground she wants to call it quits and that she’ll keep in contact for the child or that she’ll abort it. I hate that I feel like I’m on a hook here for the sake of my child, when I say how things have improved and how we’re having a kid she says she’s doing all this for me and that she misses being out and about.

She says it’s jokingly but if I were to say something like that I’m sure it wouldn’t be seen that way. I apologize if this isn’t the right sub or format to post on here, but I just want some advice on what others would do, thanks.

Edit to add a bit more, I have suggested before already that if she wants to cut ties to abort first and of course that’s been a no on her behalf. I don’t want my child growing up how I did in a broken home and much less used against me as time passes by.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

JezabelSchmezabel −  This is emotional abuse, actually. And it won’t stop there. Once the baby is born she’s going to threaten to take the child from you, whenever something doesn’t go her way.

I wish things were different for you, but this won’t end up being a healthy relationship or parenting dynamic. She is emotionally immature and needs help (from a professional)

Dan_Rydell −  Her having an a**rtion seems like the best case scenario here

Champion_Flight −  This isn’t just toxic – it’s straight-up EMOTIONAL ABUSE. She’s using your unborn child as a weapon to control you, and that’s beyond fucked up. Threatening a**rtion as a manipulation tactic isn’t “rough past issues” – it’s psychological warfare against both you AND your potential child.

Let’s be crystal clear here: Your GF hasn’t “improved” – she’s just switched from drunk abuse to sober manipulation. Now instead of throwing your past in your face, she’s holding your future hostage. And those “jokes” about missing her old life?

That’s not humor, that’s resentment wrapped in a thin veil of “just kidding.” You’re walking on eggshells trying to keep the peace for your child, while she’s using that same child as leverage to avoid any accountability. That’s not parenting – that’s emotional b**ckmail.

And tbh, bringing a child into this dynamic is setting them up for a front-row seat to toxic relationship patterns. Document EVERYTHING. Every threat, every “joke,” every manipulation tactic. Because whether she keeps this baby or not, you need to protect yourself legally.

And if she does have the child, you’ll need evidence of this behavior for custody arrangements (because someone who uses a child as a bargaining chip before they’re even born isn’t going to suddenly become Mother of the Year after).

Stop letting her use your future child as emotional handcuffs. Your kid deserves better than parents trapped in a cycle of manipulation and fear. Sometimes being a good father means making hard choices before the baby arrives.

Oohkbutnotokay −  And this is why we dont put mr. Winky in crazy. Lose lose situation. Either lose the baby or be stuck with this horrid person when it’s born.

UnusualPotato1515 −  Why would you even want to have a child with this toxic person? Call her bluff and see if she has an a**rtion.

One-Possibility1178 −  This is definitely emotional abuse and when the baby is born she’ll escalate. She won’t abort because her pregnancy and later the child are and will be used to torment and abuse you. When your child is older she’ll be abusing you and the child.

You should document everything and use it when you establish custody. I hope you realize that this relationship is a**sive and breakup. In reference to your edit a healthy single parent relationship is better than a toxic and a**sive two parent household. Living in an a**sive household has lasting affects on children on into adulthood.

lavanderblonde −  She is toxic, and this relationship won’t end up well. She is already using your unborn child as a threat and as a weapon. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Wait until your child is born and break up with her. This situation won’t be great for your child to see as they’re growing up.

JJQuantum −  She’s a nut job. Just leave. It’ll end sooner or later anyway. Better that it’s sooner.

Unsolicitedadvice13 −  Your child is better off growing up in a “broken home” than them watching their mother abuse their father.

ThrowRA-MIL24 −  If she doesn’t abort,… the child WILL grow up in a broken family.