My(27F) son(6) doesn’t like my boyfriend (31M). Everyone thinks I should break up with him but I don’t want to. What do I do?
A Reddit user shared her struggle as her 6-year-old son suddenly became distant from her boyfriend, whom he previously liked. Despite pressure from her family to break up, she believes her boyfriend is good for both of them.
She suspects her son’s grandparents may have influenced him, but he’s unable to express why his feelings changed. Torn between love for her son and her relationship, she wonders if she’s being selfish for wanting to stay with her boyfriend. Read the full story below…
‘ My(27F) son(6) doesn’t like my boyfriend (31M). Everyone thinks I should break up with him but I don’t want to. What do I do?’
My husband (my son’s dad) passed away when he was 2. I thought I could never date or be with anyone ever again until I met my current boyfriend a year ago. He is a wonderful person and we got serious pretty quickly. I introduced him to my son about three months into dating him and they got along fine. He is really good with my son and he genuinely enjoys spending time with him.
My son was also happy to spend time with him and he got along with him fine until about a month and a half ago. I don’t know what happened, he went to visit his grandparents for a week and when he came back he became quite withdrawn and didn’t want to spend time with my boyfriend anymore. He told me that he doesn’t want me seeing him anymore.
I thought maybe he was just reminded of his dad after spending time with his grandparents. Even though he was 2 when he passed away I’ve always tried to make sure he knows about his dad. I thought he would be OK after a few days. But he still hasn’t warmed back up to my boyfriend. I think he still does like him but is apprehensive about spending time with him for some reason.
The other day he was really excited and asked me whether “(my boyfriend) will be coming” with us to watch a movie but then seem to check himself and refuse when I offered to call and ask. I have tried to find out from his why he’s being like this and he just says he doesn’t know or I just don’t want to (see him). I Am at a loss for what to do.
This has been very hard on me and my boyfriend. He has grown quite fond of my son and this r**ection is making us both feel really s**t. My mother and older sister are pressuring me to do what’s best for my son and break up with him. My older brother thinks that this will pass and also that my husbands parents may have said something.
I can’t imagine them doing something like that. I also think maybe he just needs more time and to just spend more time with my boyfriend (although I also don’t want to force him). Am I being selfish? I love my son very very much. But I also don’t want to break up with my boyfriend and I also think that he’s good for my son. Am I being a horrible mum?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
WOLFofwallstrYEET − I mean…. barring the usual childhood ridiculousness that can occur, sounds like the grandparents said some things.🤷🏻♂️ it could have even been inadvertent.
merehot27 − When he visited his grandparents I am assuming it was his dads parents? Could they have either intentionally or unintentionally said something to your son about his dad they would make him feel guilty for accepting another man into the father figure role, that should have been their late sons? I would ask your son or maybe have a conversation with the grandparents.
They maybe hurting or feeling slighted by the fact you are moving on and possibly finding a “new father figure” for your son. You should not have to ruin a really good relationship with what seems like a genuinely caring and loving guy but, ultimately the relationship with you and your son comes first. I hope you are able to solve this dilemma and everything works out for you.
GeneralVasilyMitu − This is either something happened between your boyfriend and son when you were not looking or your sons grandparents want you to be a widow forever. Have they ever spoken to you on this subject?
xxtwigletxx − I don’t think you should bow to your son and end your relationship, you should keep trying, do fun stuff together where he will be having fun and a good time with your partner it will help him come round. If his grandparents have said anything to him then that’s very wrong of them, have you spoken to them to see if anything happened there? See what they say.
As for your son he is 6, he will come round, just don’t end the relationship, if your partner is also willing to work with him then he’s definitely a keeper and your son also needs to realise he’s not always going to get his own way, sometimes we have to be around people we don’t like, i do think it’s temporary though.. Hope it works out.
BifurcatedTales − I’d be shocked if it wasn’t your husbands parents. I have a similar situation with my in laws. They “like me” and approve of my lifestyle but they just would’ve preferred my wife had stayed married to her ex “because of the children” (3 girls).
The girls love me and I’d die for them so that’s no issue but her parents are very controlling and will go out of their way to poke holes where they can. I’d bet that is what’s happened to you, albeit slightly differently.
[Reddit User] − You need to interrogate his grandparents as to what happened. They caused this.
marrowenthusiast − Don’t break up. It’s OK to want someone in your life. It’s not selfish. Give it more time.
ranil02 − Its Common for kids to not love “moms new Guy” och “dads new girlfriend” for various reason. As Long as Theres No obvious reason (abuse, etc), you shouldnt let that decide who your with. Its NOT Up to the child to decide who you date. Because its a child. You dont let the child decide where you live, do your taxes etc, because its a child.
TheMocking-Bird − Let’s look at some of the details you’ve provided. 1. Your son used to “like” your BF, and enjoyed his company. 2. Your son spent a week with his grandparents. 3. When your son came back he suddenly “disliked” your BF. 4. You’ve seen your son “check himself” in regards to liking your BF. 5. When asked, your son stated that your BF did nothing wrong.
When you lay it out in such a way I personally think the answers pretty obvious. You didn’t elaborate which grandparents your son visited, but it seems to me that they either “accidentally” said something to your son to make him suddenly dislike your BF.
Or they manipulated him into thinking so for some reason. In short, I’m pretty confident that your sons grandparents spurred this whole thing. And I wouldn’t recommend ending the relationship.
BikerJenn − Talk to the grandparents. See what happened while your son was there. He may have shared things with then he’s scared to tell you. Or maybe they don’t like him and have influenced your son.
I’d really have a sit down with your son. Remind him that you love him. And that he can tell you anything. That you really want to understand why he doesn’t like him (the bf). If something happened or if something is wrong you need to know because he(your son) will always come first.
Children often have unspoken reasons for their feelings. Do you think she should wait it out or prioritize her son’s discomfort? Share your thoughts.