My(23M) older sisters are trying to control my life and ruin my relationship.

A Redditor, 23, is struggling with his overbearing older sisters who are constantly criticizing his girlfriend of 4 months. Despite being the happiest he’s ever been in a relationship, his sisters are relentless, calling her shallow and unworthy, and advising him to break up. He’s tried asserting boundaries but they continue to push, claiming they know what’s best for him. He’s now seeking advice on how to make them respect his choices and stop interfering in his relationship. Read the full story below to get a deeper understanding of the situation.

‘ My(23M) older sisters are trying to control my life and ruin my relationship.’

I’m 23, the only son in my family, and I have 3 older sisters(27, 29, 30). They are all very opinionated, on everything. Right now they’re main focus is me and my girlfriend, of 4 months. They barrage me all day with texts and phone calls about how this woman isn’t right for me, flaws they see in her, advising me to break up, on and on. It’s weird, whenever any of them dated a guy, I never said anything, but, whenever I date, oh my god, stop the presses.

In the past, as it relates to their “ advice”, I’ve tried an “ I can handle myself, thanks though” approach, they don’t listen. I’ve tried, “ stfu and go away”, they get offended and but continue advising. They hate this woman(23F) I’m with now. Personally, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship. She’s more outgoing and talkative than women I’ve dated in the past, very pretty, very bubbly, very fun. They think she’s shallow, unintelligent, and image-obsessed, and I rebuke these claims all the time with them.

I just want them to stop with the snide remarks and insults. When I try and stop it, whether it’s in a text thread or call or video chat or whatever, someone’s quick to remind me of the “pecking order” and told that “they have my best interests in mind” and want to see me with the “ right girl” aka one they approve of.. ​ TLDR: How can I get my older sisters to accept who I’m dating?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

NancyLouMarine −  I’m going to give you a “Dear Abby” kind of answer: You don’t have to listen to this at all and the solution is to tell your sisters you don’t want to hear it. Whenever they start sending you texts, ignore and delete them. Whenever they call, the moment they start digging into your GF, tell them, “I said I won’t listen to this. Thanks for calling.” and hang up the phone. If you’re in their presence and they start this, tell them, “I told you I won’t listen to this.” and leave the room. If they persist, leave the house.

This becomes a lather, rinse, repeat, until they finally get the message. If they won’t stop, no matter what you do, tell them you’ll break all contact with them if it continues, and mean it. They’ll get the message the more you do it. And if you have to make the hard choice to cut them off, hopefully, they’ll realize they’re pushing you away and apologize. I just can’t get over how much they’re bombarding you with this. It’s almost pathological. I wouldn’t even call it protective. It’s just plain nuts.

EqualMagnitude −  Short answer is that you won’t be able to get your sisters to accept who you are dating. Your sisters are not reasonable rational people and you cannot interact with them like they will respond to you kindly. They have told you they are on top of the pecking order and you are the bottom and must obey. They have essentially told you that they “love” you so much they must abuse you.

The only way to deal with people like this is boundaries and consequences. You have told your sisters to stop commenting on your relationship with girlfriend. Now you need to enact consequences when they do not comply.

Stop responding to your sisters when they start commenting on your relationship. Do not respond at all to any negative comments other than “l will not discuss this with you. If you continue I will not have contact with you for 2 weeks.” Every time they bring up girlfriend you cut contact, after the first time and they still do not stop abusing you then you increase the time out to 4 weeks. Then double it again if needed.

Same for any video call or in person visit. The moment they start with comments you tell them to stop. If they do not you leave and put them in a time out. I am sorry your sisters try to control your life. They don’t actually care for you, they just want to control you. If they actually thought you were in a bad relationship they would have never brought up the “pecking order”. They gave themselves away by saying that to you.

RogueMermaid44 −  Hello sisters, I am sending you a message to formally ask you to keep yourself out of my private life. I am a grown man and I am capable of making my own decisions. Your problems with GF are just that, YOUR PROBLEMS. You are older and I understand that you think you know what is best for me. You do not. Full stop.

It is time to let me make my own choices and decisions, and I am NOT open to your advice when it comes to my love life. I would however like to thank you. Your constant attacks on GF, and my constant need to defend her, have helped to highlight all of the things that I appreciate about her.

Moving forward I am not interested in your advice and any further attempts to force it on me will result in you being blocked until you can respect that I am an adult my life decisions are MINE to make. I love you all, but I have had enough. I am not open to discussion about this effective immediately. If you cannot respect my right to be an independent adult then we have nothing to discuss.. OP. Edit to fix: spelling.

[Reddit User] −  I sent my oldest sister a text, she is engaged, laid out my boundaries, basically that the more they bring her up, the quicker they’re going to lose me, said that their problems are their problems. I’m old enough to handle my own stuff, and that their comments are rude, their advice is unwanted. Threw in ” what if I said rude things about your guy?” Per her response, I’m spoiled, rude, ungrateful, I’m betraying my family, and that the comparison between her man & my girlfriend isn’t accurate because, her man has ” actually done things in life”

Think_Bullets −  Do you live with them? If not just block them until they learn to keep their opinions to themselves.

Froot-Batz −  Tell them that every time they say anything about your girlfriend, you put a dollar in a jar. That’s currently your engagement ring fund.

cdb-outside −  Block them on social media and have you Gf do it too. They need to go on a information diet until they learn how to behave. Tell them that as well.

KochFueledKIeptoKrat −  Is there some kind of strange insecurity here? Is she in better shape than them? My buddy has “big” family members, and his sisters used to talk s**t about his gf for being very fit and physically attractive. She was also quite smart and humble, very kind, but they kept saying he’s an adult and should be dating “women”, not “little girls”. They were very cold to her when they’d visit.

Just laugh them off and ignore them. Don’t let it get to you, they crave the “power” to affect your life. “Yeah, nah” is a good one. “Lol you aren’t going to change my mind”. If you treat them like they aren’t even worth the effort to text they’ll eventually get it. If not then you still get to ignore them. These are toxic people and have no business giving advice.

[Reddit User] −  A lot of people are pretty passive that’s how you should handle it, I’m a little more assertive honestly. My sisters tried this I made sure to tell them to shut the f**k up and mind your f**king business, I would tell them every time you start commenting on my girlfriend or my relationship I’m going to do the same to yours and I’m not going to be as nice. It took About a week, but after hammering them hard about their insecurities they stopped.

I got a feeling they’re jealous of how she looks, that’s usually the first time your sisters comment and if they are still stuck on how she looks it’s definitely out of jealousy. Maybe start focusing on that aspect.

Coollogin −  You’ve stated your boundary, but you’re not enforcing it. The next time one of them starts on about your girlfriend, state, “I will not tolerate anyone insulting my girlfriend. Change the subject, or I’m out.” If/when they continue badmouthing your girlfriend, you leave. Whether that means walking away, driving away, hanging up, disconnecting, or just putting your phone down. Leave the conversation every single time they start again. No exceptions. You need to send a crystal clear and consistent message that you absolutely will not put up with their behavior.