My[23F] bf[23M] told me to starve myself. Advice please?

In the dim light of her bedroom, a 23-year-old woman stands before her mirror, tears welling in her eyes. The reflection shows someone battling not just health issues, but also the crushing weight of cruel words from the person who should love her most. Her boyfriend’s recent demand that she “starve herself” echoes in her mind, a harsh command that speaks volumes about the dark side of relationships when body image becomes a weapon.

This story strikes at the heart of a disturbing trend where partners use weight and appearance as tools for control and manipulation. Through her vulnerable confession on Reddit, this young woman reveals how four years of love can be overshadowed by toxic expectations and emotional abuse, especially while dealing with serious health conditions like PCOS and kidney stones.

‘My[23F] bf[23M] told me to starve myself. Advice please?’

“Body-shaming within intimate relationships can be particularly devastating, as it combines the pain of rejection with a breach of trust from someone we’re most vulnerable with,” explains Dr. Jennifer Harstein, a clinical psychologist specializing in body image and eating disorders. The impact of such emotional abuse often extends far beyond the immediate hurt.

The intersection of health conditions and body image presents a complex challenge. According to the National Institutes of Health, nearly 70% of women with PCOS struggle with weight management, making it a medical reality rather than a personal failure. Dr. Harstein notes, “When partners shame someone for weight gained due to medical conditions, they’re not just being cruel – they’re displaying a dangerous lack of understanding about health and wellbeing.”

The boyfriend’s behavior raises serious red flags about emotional abuse. Research published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence shows that body-shaming often correlates with other forms of controlling behavior. “Encouraging starvation isn’t just unhealthy advice – it’s a form of abuse,” states Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships. “When someone actively celebrates their partner’s hunger, as this boyfriend did, they’re prioritizing their aesthetic preferences over their partner’s health and survival.”

The most concerning aspect is the potential escalation of such behavior. Studies show that partners who begin with body-shaming often progress to more severe forms of emotional abuse. As Dr. Harstein emphasizes, “The goal of healthy partnership should be supporting each other’s wellbeing, not undermining it through dangerous ‘solutions’ like starvation.”

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community’s response was swift and unanimous: this behavior crosses the line into emotional abuse. Users emphasized that true love should never include demands for starvation or body shaming, especially given the OP’s medical conditions.

Many pointed out that someone who truly cares about their partner would focus on their health and wellbeing, not their appearance. The overwhelming advice? This kind of controlling behavior typically escalates, and the OP deserves a partner who loves her unconditionally.