My wife is willing to let the baby sleep/cry in poopy diaper until I change him

A father (34M) is struggling with his wife’s (32F) refusal to change their baby’s (7M) poopy diapers. Initially, they shared the responsibility, but lately, she has been deliberately avoiding it, even when the baby cries. The father feels she’s emotionally manipulating him, knowing he won’t let their baby suffer. Despite handling most nighttime care due to his remote job, he’s frustrated and unsure how to address the situation without causing more conflict. Read his full story below.

‘ My wife is willing to let the baby sleep/cry in poopy diaper until I change him’

Me(34M) wife (32F) baby(7mM) length:9y As the title states, this has been going on for a few weeks now. At first, whoever was free atm took care of it and not much problem occurred. But lately, I’ve noticed she’s avoiding the poopy diapers intentionally even if the baby poops on her watch.

I would mostly take care of it coz I work remotely but after 3 or 4 times I requested she changes it this time. But she ignores me and let the baby cries in poop saying she doesn’t like the way I ask. So I get up and change it coz I do get a little frustrated when she ignores me.

But this kept happening even if I ask very nicely when I have done it a few consecutive times. Because I am a night owl, I mostly take care of the baby at nights even when I have work tomorrow. So it’s not like I’m making her do all the work. She gets a good night sleep most nights and I wake up drowsy and tired.

I feel like she’s emotionally blackmailing me because she knows I can’t let the baby suffer for long. She knows I will do it if she just wait. Emotions are boiling over and I don’t know how to handle this. Any advice on how to go about this?

tldr: wife keeps avoiding changing dirty diaper. sometimes she let the baby sleeps in it. How do I tackle this?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Unusual-Sentence916 −  You need to have a conversation with your wife and find out what is going on. You don’t want to leave poo on your baby’s bottom because it will hurt the baby. She should never allow that. If she is mad or resentful at you, you need to find out.

__Gettin_Schwifty__ −  Is there any chance this is post-partum depression? If this is a newer behavior and seems to only be with poop and not pee, you need to have a conversation with her.

She cannot let the baby sit in spiled diapers simply because she doesn’t like changing them. If that’s the case, she’s not fit to be a mother. It is cruel and not healthy to leave the child like that. This is coming from a childfree woman who has never changed a diaper.

BaseballMom548 −  Please have a talk with your wife. Make it clear that she can be open and honest with you, and let her be without judgement. You need to find out if this could possibly be postpartum depression. It can range from mild to severe, and it isn’t the woman’s fault.

Mental health issues before pregnancy, or a family history of mental health issues can make a woman more susceptible, but it can occur in anyone. PPD is treatable, but if left untreated can cause a whole range of issues for your whole family, especially your child. Please at least sit down with her and talk about this so you can help her get help if needed. Good luck OP.

Historical-Most-6121 −  Sit down and talk to her, and try not to lose your temper. Postpartum depression will ravage a person. Though it’s not a great excuse to n**lect your infant, it could be the main cause.

Equal-Brilliant2640 −  Your wife is neglecting your child. She is abusing your child. Whether it’s unintentional due to PPD or deliberate it doesn’t matter. You need to have “come to Jesus” talk with her and let her know in no uncertain terms is this acceptable and if she doesn’t get her head out of her ass and change the diapers asap you will be rethinking this marriage. Tell her she needs to make an appointment with her primary caregiver or her ob/gyn This is not negotiable this needs to end now

wellhellooonurse −  I think you need to talk to her and not jump to the conclusions of many of these comments. There could be a simple explanation, like she has a terrible sense of smell, or is lacking basic education on how urgently a poop diaper should be addressed.

Maybe there’s a trauma piece here from raising her siblings and her mom screaming at her for using too many diapers. Maybe she’s struggling more than you think, and when you’re deep in disassociation it’s easy to not judge time passage correctly.

I would start a conversation with questions, “How do you think we’re splitting the workload? Does it seem fair? Do you have frustrations and anxieties about how we’re handling everything?” Work from there to figure out where the disconnect is, and then communicate your own emotions.

So_not_ronery −  The comments saying be gentle post partum yada yada. Just stop. I have a 2 kids under 3. Poopy diapers hurt skin. This is a fact. That is why barrier cream is a necessity. Especially for the really little ones who poop a lot.

I don’t understand how anyone can excuse ignoring a baby crying in a dirty diaper. Let alone one of the parents whose bloody job is to care for their child. You need to read her the riot act and defend your child. She either gets it together or gets out.

Revolutionary_Ad1846 −  This is ALARMING. Its either abuse or she has PPD.

thetasteofink00 −  I’m sorry but even if she has PPD, that is NOT an excuse to let your child sit in a filthy nappy. That is disgusting and lazy.

Popular-Parsnip8911 −  Your wife is abusing your child and this needs to stop asap. Speak to her immediately to address this. Your child has to come first.

Parenting can be exhausting, and shared responsibilities are crucial for keeping balance in a relationship. How do you handle disagreements in co-parenting? Should tasks like diaper changes ever fall on just one partner? Share your thoughts and advice below — your insight could help parents navigating these challenges.