My wife invited me to sleep with other people (twice). AITAH for taking it seriously?

A Reddit user shares the challenges of navigating a 15-year marriage strained by emotional disconnect and an unsatisfying intimacy. When his wife unexpectedly suggests exploring connections outside their marriage, he is initially surprised but gradually begins to entertain the idea.

As he develops a close friendship with another woman who expresses interest in him, the situation becomes more complicated. The user finds himself grappling with the implications of his wife’s suggestion and the evolving dynamics of their marriage.

Upon sharing his intentions with his wife, her reaction of hurt and accusations of betrayal leaves him questioning whether he has overstepped a boundary. Read the original story below to delve into the complexities of love, trust, and communication within a long-term relationship.

‘ My wife invited me to sleep with other people (twice). AITAH for taking it seriously?’

My (43M) 15-year marriage has been challenging. In many ways, we work well as a couple and share wonderful kids. However, there has been emotional tension, and the intimacy in our relationship has been strained for a long time. My wife (43F) rarely initiates closeness and often turns away my attempts.

About a year and a half ago, out of the blue, she told me that I could pursue connections with other people. It was completely unexpected and unprompted, and she insisted, saying, “I really mean it—you can!” I told her I wasn’t interested in anyone but her, and we moved on.

Then, six weeks ago, she brought it up again and was even more insistent. Once more, I told her I didn’t want to pursue anyone else, but the truth is, something had changed within me after her first offer. It opened up thoughts I hadn’t allowed myself to consider before.

Recently, I became friends with someone—let’s call her Ann. We met through a local interest group and started spending time one-on-one weekly. I told my wife about her and mentioned we were just friends. However, over time, it became clear Ann saw me as more than a friend. Last week, Ann openly expressed her feelings and said she was interested in taking things further if I wanted.

I told Ann I was attracted to her but that I was married and cared deeply about my family. I also mentioned my wife’s previous offer, that I didn’t fully understand it, and that I would need to discuss it with her. A few days later, I brought it up with my wife. The conversation did not go well.

I assured her I loved her, valued our relationship, and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize our marriage. But I also admitted I had been thinking about what she had said and was considering her suggestion, provided she truly meant it. I was transparent about Ann’s interest and my conversations with her.

My wife was deeply hurt. She said I had betrayed her trust by forming a close bond with another woman and that I misunderstood her intentions. She revealed that when she first suggested I explore connections with others, it was because she had been contemplating doing the same, though she never followed through.

The second time she made the offer, she said it came from a place of desperation to save our marriage, though I struggle to believe this explanation. Since I initially said I wasn’t interested in seeing others, she believed the offer was off the table and never expected me to act on it.

For context, I never crossed any physical boundaries with Ann—I never kissed her, expressed love, or held her hand. After my wife’s reaction, I told Ann we needed to remain strictly friends. However, I believe I acted responsibly by discussing everything with my wife before considering her initial suggestion.

My wife sees it differently, feels betrayed, and has now stated she wants a divorce. Am I the one in the wrong here?
AITAH?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Federico69420 −  “I am mad at you for building a relationship with someone else behind my back, I said you could sleep with other people just because I was thinking of fking someone else with whom I built a relationship behind your back”. Seriously?

Talkingmice −  So she’s actually wanted to sleep with other people before she proposed it? Then she is deeply hurt when you come to her about the same proposition?

Sorry but it seems like she’s projecting. She might already have slept with someone else, particularly because of the insistence that you go fool around. It seems she was trying to get you to sleep with someone else so she can even the score.

I can’t possibly see it any other way; it comes up as very m**ipulative on her end at the very least. Hope you can find answers and more importantly do what’s best for you. NTA at all

OGTomatoCultivator −  NTA but your wife most likely cheated. That was her way of trying to absolve herself. Now you gave her the out she’s been looking for. Sounds like she laid the groundwork for an escape and you fell into her trap.

ElonDiddlesKids −  Your wife cheated on you, but whoever she had her affair with is no longer interested in her. The offers were to assuage her guilt. Now that she no longer has an extramarital paramour, she doesn’t feel you need one either.

You need to speak to a divorce attorney ASAP. She’s already checked out of the marriage. All of this you betrayed her nonsense is textbook abuser DARVO bs (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender).

Saechan89 −  NTA. You did not cheat on her. You simply told Ann that your wife had floated the idea so you would check on the situation. I think your wife is just mad that you found an interested party. It’s all fun and games until you actually might get laid. Then people get all b**t hurt about it.

surelytheresmore −  Your wife definitely cheated, but the other guy didn’t want a relationship, so now she’s mad you’re talking to someone.

Western-Boot-4576 −  Yeah if she’s divorcing you over this. She cheated!

Traditional_Crew6617 −  NTA, I hate to break it to you. Your wife was cheating already. To get rid of the guilt, she said you could be with other women. She didn’t think you would run with it. Im also guessing she doesn’t want to be married to you anymore but didn’t have the guts to just say that.

She needed an out and set one up that would make you look like the bad guy.. Now, she can be the villain and play the victim. Im sorry, man, that s**t is evil. i have never met a woman that out of nowhere would offer that up.

Especially to save the marriage. Sorry bro but it’s more than likely true.

MyLadyBits −  NTA. your wife is cheating on you.

Not_Musician −  LOL opening your marriage up is cool when she wants to sleep with someone else, but not if you want to, clearly. Your actions here sound pretty reasonable so NTA, but it sounds like your marriage is over.

Did the user misunderstand his wife’s intentions when she invited him to seek intimacy outside their marriage, or did he genuinely have the right to explore those possibilities? Is it possible for couples to navigate open relationships while maintaining trust and communication? Share your thoughts below!