My wife invited me to sleep with other people (twice). AITAH for taking it seriously?

A Reddit user finds himself navigating the tumultuous waters of a 15-year marriage that has been marked by emotional struggles and a lackluster sex life. When his wife unexpectedly invites him to explore relationships outside their marriage, he’s initially taken aback but later begins to consider the possibility.

However, as he forms a friendship with another woman who expresses interest in him, the user is faced with the consequences of his wife’s invitation and the complexities of their relationship.

After revealing his intentions to his wife, he is met with hurt and accusations of betrayal, prompting him to question whether he truly crossed a line. Read the original story below to explore the intricacies of love, trust, and the meaning of consent in a marriage.

‘ My wife invited me to sleep with other people (twice). AITAH for taking it seriously?’

My (43m) 15-year marriage has been difficult. In some ways, we work well as a couple, and we have great kids. But there’s been emotional drama, and our s** life has been tepid for a long time. My wife (43f) almost never initiates s** and usually rebuffs my attempts; we have s** monthly, give or take. A year and a half ago, out of nowhere she said that I could have s** with other people.

It was totally unexpected and unprompted, and I was shocked. And she really pushed it, like “really, I mean it! You can!” I responded that I didn’t want to sleep with anyone but her, and we dropped it. Then, six weeks ago, she said it again, and really pushed it again. And again, I was surprised and said that I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else.

But the second time I said that, it wasn’t really true. The truth is that when she first offered that I could sleep with other people, it unlocked something in me. I started thinking of other women as potential sexual partners, and thinking a lot more about s**. And recently, I made a friend–let’s call her Ann.

We were part of a local interest group, and then we started meeting one-on-one every week. I told my wife about her, and that we were friends. But it became increasingly clear that Ann was interested in me as more than a friend. Last week, Ann came right out and said that she’d sleep with me if I wanted.

I told Ann that I was attracted to her, but that I was married and I cared about my family. But also that my wife had said I could sleep with other people, that I didn’t understand why my wife said it, and that I’d talk to my wife about whether she really meant it. A few days later, I had the conversation with my wife. It went poorly.

I told her that I loved her, loved s** with her, and wouldn’t put our marriage at risk, but also that I was thinking of taking her up on the “s** with other people” thing if she was really okay with it. And I told her about Ann’s proposition. My wife was deeply hurt.

She thinks I betrayed her by building a relationship with another woman, and she doesn’t think I had her permission to do that. She says that the first time she offered that I could sleep around, she actually wanted to sleep with someone else and was testing the waters (and that she didn’t go through with it after I said no).

When she repeated the offer six weeks ago, she says our relationship was in a “completely different” place from where it is today, and she thought that offering me s** with other people was the only way to save our marriage (this explanation does not ring true for me at all, FWIW).

In both cases, since I had told her that I wasn’t interested in other sexual partners, she thinks the offer was dead and I was wrong to think it could still be on the table.
I never kissed Ann, never said I loved her, never even held her hand, and I’ve now told her that we need to remain “just friends.”

I think my wife gave me permission to sleep around, and that I went above and beyond by talking to her instead of taking her up on it. But she thinks I betrayed her, and she’s now saying she wants a divorce. AITAH?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Federico69420 −  “I am mad at you for building a relationship with someone else behind my back, I said you could sleep with other people just because I was thinking of f**king someone else with whom I built a relationship behind your back”. Seriously?

Talkingmice −  So she’s actually wanted to sleep with other people before she proposed it? Then she is deeply hurt when you come to her about the same proposition?
Sorry but it seems like she’s projecting. She might already have slept with someone else, particularly because of the insistence that you go fool around.

It seems she was trying to get you to sleep with someone else so she can even the score. I can’t possibly see it any other way; it comes up as very m**ipulative on her end at the very least. Hope you can find answers and more importantly do what’s best for you. NTA at all

OGTomatoCultivator −  NTA but your wife most likely cheated. That was her way of trying to absolve herself. Now you gave her the out she’s been looking for. Sounds like she laid the groundwork for an escape and you fell into her trap.

ElonDiddlesKids −  Your wife cheated on you, but whoever she had her affair with is no longer interested in her. The offers were to assuage her guilt. Now that she no longer has an extramarital paramour, she doesn’t feel you need one either.

You need to speak to a divorce attorney ASAP. She’s already checked out of the marriage. All of this you betrayed her nonsense is textbook abuser DARVO b**lshit (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender).

Saechan89 −  NTA. You did not cheat on her. You simply told Ann that your wife had floated the idea so you would check on the situation. I think your wife is just mad that you found an interested party. It’s all fun and games until you actually might get laid. Then people get all b**t hurt about it.

surelytheresmore −  Your wife definitely cheated, but the other guy didn’t want a relationship, so now she’s mad you’re talking to someone

Western-Boot-4576 −  Yeah if she’s divorcing you over this.. She cheated

Traditional_Crew6617 −  NTA, I hate to break it to you. Your wife was cheating already. To get rid of the guilt, she said you could be with other women. She didn’t think you would run with it. Im also guessing she doesn’t want to be married to you anymore but didn’t have the guts to just say that.

She needed an out and set one up that would make you look like the bad guy.. Now, she can be the villain and play the victim. Im sorry, man, that s**t is evil. i have never met a woman that out of nowhere would offer that up. Especially to save the marriage. Sorry bro but it’s more than likely true.

MyLadyBits −  NTA. your wife is cheating on you.

Not_Musician −  LOL opening your marriage up is cool when she wants to sleep with someone else, but not if you want to, clearly. Your actions here sound pretty reasonable so NTA, but it sounds like your marriage is over.

Did the user misunderstand his wife’s intentions when she invited him to seek intimacy outside their marriage, or did he genuinely have the right to explore those possibilities? Is it possible for couples to navigate open relationships while maintaining trust and communication? Share your thoughts below!