AITA for telling my wife it’s embarrassing she gave our daughter’s bus driver cookies?
Sometimes, people have different ways of showing appreciation, and it can lead to some disagreements. In this case, a husband feels embarrassed after his wife gave homemade cookies to their daughter’s bus drivers as a thank-you.
While she sees it as a kind gesture, he thinks it’s over the top and awkward. Now, he’s wondering if he’s being unreasonable for feeling this way. So, is he overreacting, or is his wife going too far with her thank-you gifts?
‘AITA for telling my wife it’s embarrassing she gave our daughter’s bus driver cookies?’
Some important details: My wife is very shy but enjoys giving and is all gung ho about showing appreciation to workers she assume aren’t appreciated or recognized. she tries to pass these beliefs onto our kids. because she’s too silent to show her appreciation she does it through gifts, usually baked goods. I’ve been embarrassed about it in the past.
our oldest rode the school bus for the first time. my wife was waiting at the stop with our daughter and had her hand the bus driver a bag of homemade cookies. then when she picked her up from the stop in the afternoon, she gave a bag to the afternoon driver. I asked why she did that when she could easily have just said thank you and left it at that.
She said the bus drivers work so hard having to comfort all the nervous kids and handling the unbehaved one while driving they deserve more than a thanks. I reminded her that this has embarrassed me in the past and I think her behaviors are too extreme. I wouldn’t want gifts from someone I don’t know. she ignored how I felt. I contacted some people in my life to see if I was just the crazy one here and most of my friends and my mom agree, my wife’s way of showing thanks just makes everyone uncomfortable. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
jbh01 – Y is for YTA, that’s good enough for me. Y is for YTA, that’s good enough for me. Y is for YTA, that’s good enough for me! COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE! Also, this isn’t about you, stop making it about you.
RedoubtableSouth – You’re embarassed by your wife giving out cookies as a thank you? That’s a weird thing to get embarassed about, having a thoughtful, considerate, kind wife. YTA.
AlrestWhenImDead – I just want to add that right now, my state is facing a severe shortage of bus drivers due to you-know-what. These people aren’t just doing some menial job, they’re literally risking their lives in a pandemic to safely help kids get around. A generous donation of cookies is the very least we can do to show some gratitude. People like OP who seem to think otherwise are huge AHs.
Stellaaahhhh – YTA. Even if I wouldn’t eat a bag a cookies from a stranger (I would btw, I just know some people wouldn’t) I would appreciate the gesture and realize they had gone out of their way to make me feel good. You’re shaming your wife for having found a way to express herself despite her shyness. You’re embarrassed by someone showing kindness. Wow. You’re not just an asshole, you’re a dick and so is your mom.
Nayaa03 – YTA – Your definitely the asshole. Your wife sounds like such as kind person, and if she wants to give the bus driver homemade cookies to show appreciation that shows how good of a person she is. I don’t understand why you are so embarrassed that she is like this. I’d be grateful to be married to such a caring women who looks out for other people.
Syd182 – The most common misogynistic thing I hear from sexist idiots is “I checked with a bunch of people because I really really need to invalidate/gaslight/humiliate/control you and they all say I’m right…”. You are a controlling AH and I’d bet a whole lot of money on the fact that you married a quiet submissive woman because you thought you could control her. YTA. Grow up
lace4151 – YTA. Just because you and your family don’t like expressing thanks to service workers, doesn’t mean she has to dislike it too.
sweetmicrowave69 – YTA. You’re wife’s way of saying thanks ‘makes everyone UNRELATED to the scenario uncomfortable’. If she’s shy and this is how she feels comfortable showing her thanks and being kind to people than so be it. If it makes her happy and it’s a good deed and sets a wonderful example for children then so be it.
It’s a harmless, kind and positive gesture that affects no one and involves no one but herself and the person receiving said baked goods. Unless the people receiving it say it makes them uncomfortable or they reject it (which I’m sure they don’t since your wife continues to offer such gifts) then you and everyone else don’t have a say in it.
You’re ignoring how she feels about this, not the other way around. Get a grip and be happy you have such a kind and thoughtful wife. I’ve received random gifts like this from strangers on tough and good days and both times I was on the verge of tears. It matters and it’s a good thing. The only embarrassing thing here is how you handled it and the fact that you had to share this with family and make it an ordeal.