My wife (28/F) and I (31/M) had a bad Thanksgiving. How should we move forward?

A Reddit user reflects on a tense Thanksgiving where family dynamics, miscommunication, and unexpected revelations caused friction between him, his wife, and their families. The clash centered on hosting logistics, revealing a future move prematurely, and perceived favoritism toward one side of the family.

With lingering tensions and his wife’s dismissive attitude toward his concerns, he seeks advice on how to address the situation and move forward constructively. Read the full story below for details.

‘ My wife (28/F) and I (31/M) had a bad Thanksgiving. How should we move forward?’

How do my wife (28F) and I (31M) move forward after a bad Thanksgiving? First, my wife and I have discussed moving from our current city to a different state due to better work opportunities and an area with a higher socioeconomic status.

I’m not that close with my family and my mom tends to worry and ask endless questions, so with nothing set in stone yet I told my wife there was no need to mention it to my family yet until we had a solid plan because my mom would keep asking questions we don’t have answers to until we move in 8 months or longer.

My wife said “Might as well do it now and get it over with”. But I insisted that I would tell my family myself when I had information to tell them, and she agreed. My mom stayed for Thanksgiving and the day before. The rest of my family did not come.

The day before Thanksgiving was good. I cooked some with my mom and took my mom to see some Christmas lights and to dinner. Thanksgiving Day was a mess. My mom wanted to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade so I turned it on around 8am to watch it.

My wife’s parents called around 8:15 to say that they could not watch the parade and wanted to watch it after they got here at 12. My wife agreed and turned off the tv saying “We will watch it with my family. Nobody’s watching it right now anyway.” and she turns on a Yule log with music.

At this point my mom leaves the room to come to the kitchen to help me, where I could see the tv to watch with her. Then, my wife is going around the house huffing and getting things together for her parents that she didn’t bother to do before my mom came over.

Then, she started turning lights off if my mom went to another area other than the kitchen area with me. When her parents arrived, my mom and I were stuck warming up all the dishes and setting the table. My wife wanted to pick where everyone sat, so she was in charge of that. And that is where the argument began.

When my wife first discussed where we were going to sit, she placed me at the head of the table across from the end where the turkey was carved. When looking for an extra chair for me, she got a small ottoman to bring up. Her parents commented that it was too short. I commented that I would like a back to my chair. My wife said “No.

That is the only thing that will fit in that space.” So I try two other chairs, which do not fit because the table had been moved closer to the window. My wife’s mom said “Let’s just scoot the table a foot away from the window and it will be fine.” So my wife says “No. The ottoman will be fine.”

Then she turns to me in front of her parents and my mom and says “Stop being an ass.” At that point her mom leaves the table, my mom comes over to me and puts her hand on my shoulder, and my wife takes a chair I was trying to get to fit away and brings the ottoman back, saying “This is my spot anyway.”

Then she hits a leg of the chair against the wall and said with a smirk “Oh no. We can’t sell the house like this.” So I switch the subject back saying “So now that it’s your spot, where am I sitting?” So she looks and finds a seat at the other end of the table.

So after a few minutes my mother in law returns to the table and she leads grace, I carve the turkey and we eat. My mom and I sit in silence. My wife talking joyfully with her mom as if nothing happened.

My wife did not tell my mother in law that we were not telling my family about moving yet because my wife told her family already, so my mother in law talks about us moving with my wife in front of my mom.

After the meal, my mother in law apologizes and I say to her that I told my wife that we were not telling my family yet. And she said that my wife had not mentioned that to her or my father in law. At that point my wife comes in and smirks and said “Oh well.

he was going to find out eventually. Might as well be today.” So my mom, mother in law and I clean up the dining room and kitchen while my wife sits with my father in law watching Home Alone. We never watched the parade until her parents left.

Since my birthday is right after Thanksgiving my wife suggested we celebrate the day of Thanksgiving. My wife had AI write me a song and she sang put her voice over the beat AI made, singing the lyrics AI wrote. Her parents gave me an AirTag.

There was no cake, instead we ate pumpkin pie my mom made and pumpkin muffins I made the day before. When I visited my family on Monday my mom made me a cake and I received two gifts. My mom was looking at me strange during this but didn’t say anything.

After my in-laws left I sat alone with my mom in silence watching the parade. My wife was somewhere in the house but don’t know where. When I took my mom home last night after the parade she asked “Where are you moving to?” “When are you moving?”

“Why do you want to move father away?”, the first two I did not have an answer to yet. So I told my mom that I told my wife I didn’t want to tell her or the rest of my family yet until we had plans set in stone, and my mom understood. But then she asks “So why did your wife say something to begin with?”

I replied “Because she was mad that I didn’t want to sit on the ottoman.” At that point my mom says “That wasn’t right. We will be celebrating Christmas this year. You should stay with us.” I said I would see what my wife’s plans are, as she is planning a get together with her family.

When I dropped my mom off, she wanted me to come in and have a dessert with my dad and sister. I did, and when I did there was a lot of whispering between my mom and dad. But they did not say anything to my except “What do you want for Christmas? You should come and stay the night a day or two.”

At this point, my mother in law thinks I’m mad at her, my mom is obviously worried about me and my relationship, and I feel like me and my mom were treated poorly yesterday like we were second class to her and her family. But I don’t know what I can do about it. We have been married for 3 years. How should we move forward?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

tiffibean13 −  I feel like something has to be missing here….? Or does your wife always act vicious?

Kind-Dust7441 −  Sorry, but your wife is awful. She clearly does not love, like, or respect you. Your mother knows it, your mother-in-law knows it, we all know it. I suspect you know it, too. If you just need someone to say that it’s ok to end your marriage, I’ll volunteer for the task.. It’s ok to end your marriage.

wordsmythy −  It doesn’t sound like you stand up for yourself. When your wife turned off the TV and said you would watch the parade later, you should’ve said “mom’s watching it now”. I mean, having the Yule log on for hours?

What’s the big deal with watching the parade twice? There’s more to look at than a Yule log. It also sounds like your wife is kind of mean. Turning lights off on your mom… Is this the person you want to move to a new city with, not knowing anyone else?

grayblue_grrl −  Your wife doesn’t like you. You and your wife SHOULD NOT move forward except to divorce court. That is one of the pettiest b**lshit things I have heard of in a long time. So much disrespect and obvious loathing. I think even her parents are worried for you.

chittyshittybingbang −  You didn’t simply have a bad Thanksgiving, you have a bad marriage. Your wife is cruel & disrespectful. This is not loving behavior. This is witchy, mean girl in high school narcissistic behavior and you’re her target.

You deserve to be truly loved and treated like a beloved partner. Please don’t get her pregnant anna please don’t move away from your supportive, loving family! I’m curious why your dad and sister didn’t attend your Thanksgiving?

Mistica44 −  Were you closer to your family before you started dating your spouse? From this post and others, it seems like your mother is worried for a very valid reason.

soph_lurk_2018 −  It’s a bad idea to move further away from your family. They are obviously worried about you because your wife is vicious and cruel.

foersr −  OP’s wife is not just emotionally a**sive— Reddit history shows she has physically abused him also 🙁 please put yourself first and leave her. And it goes without saying but do not move further away from the family that clearly cares for you!

GundamChar −  I’m sorry to say. But your wife have no respect to you and your mom. She call you ass for a piece of furniture. She doesn’t care about your feelings. Also she treat your concern (such as telling mom later), like brushing it under the carpet. I too, think this will very likely to continue.

I dunno if you have discuss to your wife on how you feel about her behavior (and how you discuss it). Whether you did or didn’t, it’s not an excuse for her behavior. You are a very nice person, yet you tend to self blame and worry you hurt people feelings.

I can see that your vibes can attract people like your wife, and take advantage of you. You let your wife walk over you like a carpet. It’s alright to be nice, yet firm and stand your ground at the same time. Also, a person can let people know to take him/her seriously (and respect) without being offensive at the same time.

I would sincerely suggest you seek counselling. We all have different struggle and challenge in our life. It’s fine to asking for advice from an third party just like now we are on Reddit. In this case, counseling is a professional third party, observe our picture in varieties of angles and perspective.

A counselor would listen* and respect the client. (Not everyone knows how to hear/listen nowadays). A counselor helps inspire us to think outside our own box, and let us know any possible blind spot we missed. I would suggest personal/individual counseling instead Marriage counselling.

Meanwhile, relax for a short while, don’t stress yourself out for Christmas. We can many Christmas(and chances) in our lives.
GO have some ME time (don’t wait after Christmas). Put away all the chores and problems in a temporary drawer, and spend time to do something you like. It can be anything.

From a short trip alone on weekends, to watching games with friends. No need to be detaily plan ahead. You are kind, gentle and smart. You deserve a better life (and or) spending life with a better person.

P.S. Becareful not to let anyone finds out your Reddit. Keep the counseling secret. I read your other post, you seems a nice person to be friends with, but too bad I’m not a guy, so it would be inappropriate.

And this is what I want to say. Don’t fall into pit hole accidentally because of weak moments. Keep your “file” very nice and clean with no spots, so that no one have a chance to blame you or guilt trip you. Don’t give a chance for your wife to make you the bad guy.

booo2u −  Is your wife always this vindictive and cruel? She deliberately went against what you very reasonably asked of her and treated you and your mother extremely poorly.

If this is new behaviour from her then you need to speak to your wife about her behaviour towards you and your mother. Don’t let her brush this off and I’d keep a keen eye on how she treats you going forward.

Navigating family relationships and communication in marriage can be challenging, especially during high-stakes holidays. What advice would you give this couple to foster understanding and create a more harmonious dynamic moving forward? Share your thoughts in the comments below!