My wife [27] is a flight attendant, I [27M] found lingerie and heels in her luggage?

A 27-year-old man shares his distress after finding new white lace lingerie and heels in his wife’s luggage while preparing a surprise for their anniversary. His wife works as a flight attendant and is often away, and the discovery has led him to fear the worst, wondering if his wife may be unfaithful. While he hasn’t confronted her yet, he is consumed by the thought of infidelity but lacks concrete evidence. Read the full story below.

‘ My wife [27] is a flight attendant, I [27M] found lingerie and heels in her luggage?’

We’ve been married for almost 2 years now. My wife works as a flight attendant and is often doing long journeys to other countries. Her work has not slowed down during the covid quarantine as I thought it would so she is constantly working and has been tested negative several times now.

Our anniversary was last week and she was not going to be home for it so I decided to give her a surprise card and one of a few gifts, but I was going to bury it in her luggage suitcase before she was about to leave.

That is when I found new looking white lace lingerie that I have never seen before, as well as a pair of heels that I do know of because I got them for her. As soon as I saw it there was ringing in my ears and it felt like the world had come to a halt.

I have been trying to come up with reasonable explanations as to why she would have it, but none of them are in character for her as far as I am aware. That’s why now I am fearing the worst, infidelity. She doesn’t know I saw it because I didn’t leave the gift and card but she has been back home since then and gone again.

I am going crazy with the thoughts of her with another man but I don’t have concrete proof before accusing her. I don’t know how I’d even get solid evidence. Please help me on what to do now because I am in a very bad place emotionally right now

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

drum-luck −  Part of me wants to tell you to wait until she’s back and tell her you’ll help unpack her luggage, just to see what she does or if it’s sill there/used/whatever.

But I can only imagine the thoughts that would go through your head. Just not knowing an answer and having to live with it is too much to deal with.. Confront her

CharlieECHOdelta42 −  “We need to talk… The other day I went to place a small gift in your luggage and I found white lingerie that I’ve never seen before along with a pair of heels.. I did not place the gift.

Since that time, I’ve been feeling uncertain about what is going on in our relationship – wondering if you are involved s**ually or romantically with someone else.” This is where you pause. Say nothing. Wait and don’t try to fill the silence.. You are calm and cool headed.. You commit to listen.. You make sure she is the speaker.

You pause before you speak and ask yourself “will my comment open up or close down the conversation?”.. You do not interrupt.

You know this woman and you guage her body language in addition to or as a contradiction to her words.. You remain calm at all times.

You prepare equally for the best case scenario as well as the worse case scenario; the readiness is all.

You enter this conversation with no foregone conclusion in your head – there is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

Your response is proportionate and carefully measured.

You remain a gentleman at all times, stoic, a rock. Being a gentleman does not mean you are a pushover or weak – it is strength and calm in the face of adversity.

You act, if necessary, in a taciturn manner. If you need to, tell her to leave; you’ve done nothing wrong – she must leave as she has already checked out of the relationship. No yelling. No swearing. No violence or aggression.

“This is inappropriate & unacceptable; I’d like you to leave.” Flat tone, calm but stern voice, assertive with no emotion. You secure your bank account. Change locks (REDACTED & RETRACTED *DO NOT CHANGE THE LOCKS*) Consult a lawyer immediately. You do not speak bad about her publicly or to your circle of friends – you choose 1 close friend (only one) to guide you through this.. Chin up. Shoulders back.. And remember to breathe…

anomanderforPOTUS −  I witnessed a very similar situation with my friend and his wife. She apparently thought cheating hasn’t a big deal because “everyone does it” in that field because of its nature.

They had been together nearly a decade and the entire time she didn’t think twice about screwing the pilots. Apparently it was a lot of different men too. My friend was in denial until he got an STD.

Timmyisagirl −  I need the definition of lingerie here, cause my husband calls any bra and pantie set that matches and is remotely lacy lingerie. If it was like a silk camisole, might be to sleep in. If it was a bra and pantie set, some girls just want to feel pretty.

If it was a baby doll cami with like under wire and strappy things that are not remotely comfy…. Yeah no one buys those or takes those somewhere without the idea that someone is going to see them. If they still had the tags on that would be a different story. The heels are nbd. Sometimes flight attendants do go out if they have an overnight layover.

Old_Trees −  So, obviously talk to her. So, gonna give you a best and a worst here: Best case: She, like many women likes to feel attractive. I frequently wear my classier sets of lingerie during times of stress, as feeling attractive makes me more confident. Worst: She’s cheating while away, and you caught her. But to find out either one you need to talk to her. Be honest about what you were doing, and ask her straight up what they are for.

[Reddit User] −  Since it’s so close to your anniversary, do you think maybe the lingerie was to send you some pictures as a surprise gift? edit because I’m getting a lot of upvotes: I misread the post, it’s actually pretty unlikely this was intended as an anniversary gift unless the wife got cold feet.

[Reddit User] −  you have to ask her.

Ramius2016 −  2 years. Cheating is rampant in that industry. It’s just so easy to pull off. Be prepared. Consult a lawyer. Short marriage=no alimony.

thismyusername69 −  My ex was a flight attendant. My friend is a flight attendant. They both cheat.

missbaby23 −  info. What do you mean lingerie? Do you just mean a lacy bra? A basque? A nejlige?

It’s understandable to feel anxious when uncertainty takes over a relationship. What do you think the man should do next? Should he confront his wife, or try to find out more before making any accusations? Share your advice and thoughts below.