My son managed to read our will and it’s destroying our family

A father shared a heart-wrenching account of how his oldest son discovered their will, sparking a devastating family conflict. The will, designed to protect the family business and home from external interference, was misinterpreted without proper context, leading to accusations, misunderstandings, and estrangement. Read the full story below.

‘ My son managed to read our will and it’s destroying our family’

I’m going to preface this by saying I love all three of my sons equally. They are 29, 24 and 22. It is my unequivocal truth. It’s just that that my ex wife’s involvement with my oldest son has really introduced a lot of toxicity and complications in our life.

After years of emotional and financial abuse, my wife and I have made a very conscious decision to completely cut my ex-wife out of our lives once my son turned 18. We let him have his relationship with his mother without any interference from us or any negative words. I disagree with a lot of how their relationship is but I have kept my mouth shut to keep the peace.

After losing literally everything after my divorce, I have built a new business with my wife and it’s doing very well. All three of our sons work in the business. A week ago, all the kids were over for lunch. I was stupid and left our recently drafted will on my office desk. My oldest son managed to see it.

Our company and our home was willed to my two younger sons. My oldest was given a trust that pays out some money every five years. I feel like I have to explain myself over why the will was laid out as it was. My ex-wife still has a lot of influence over my son and at the suggestion of our lawyer, we created the will this way so she couldn’t interfere in the company and home.

If she were to pass away before us, the will would be immediately rewritten to divide the company/home equally. The plan was to explain this to our son gently and not for him to see it without any context. My son was understandably upset but his behavior that day exceeded all levels of decency.

He stormed downstairs, threw things around and used disgusting language against my wife and I. Our sons nearly got into a fist fight. I am devastated. I have already apologized and forwarded him emails to my lawyer telling him I want the will to be changed to split everything equally. But the damage is done.

He’s now spreading horrible lies about us and his brothers to everyone in my family, even to the point of accusing us of being racists (he is half indian, half white). His brothers and my wife and I are so hurt hearing this. It couldn’t be any further than the truth. It’s the same thing my ex wife liked to accuse us of over the years.

He has refused to come in to work since the past week and I’ve been scrambling to do a lot of his work. I don’t know how to fix this. He won’t take my calls. My ex wife has used this situation to make absolutely insane posts on Facebook that I am considering legal action over. But I know that will just add gasoline to the fire with regards to my son.

I’m not sure how to salvage this. And I am really afraid that some of the things he has said won’t easily be forgotten. My younger sons have already been questioned on social media by their cousins about the racism accusations. It’s a very uncomfortable thing to approach. My wife is also not over the names she was called by him, even though she says she is.

See what others had to share with OP:

wutiguess −  Go see a family therapist. These rotten roots are so deep in all of you there’s no quick solution to this. See what a professional has to say. If your sons don’t go with you, go alone.

I’m sorry to say that what you have done is a forever effect, no matter the reasons, and so was his reaction. Good luck.. ​ Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Silver. I promise to wipe my screen wherever it lands the next time I click on this post to keep it nice and polished.

ROwdypunk316 −  As someone from a divorced and re-married family with step siblings on my dad’s side. If I found out that my step-siblings were getting more than me, that would feel like a big punch in the gut to say the least.

And, it wouldn’t be about the stuff or whatever my step-siblings would be receiving, it would just be that I would think my dad doesn’t love or value me as much as my step-siblings.

[Reddit User] −  Hi. Unrelated to the main question which is being covered well by other commenters, as a lawyer I wonder whether you could prepare your will with a contingent bequest that left his share to a trust if his mother was alive, but to him absolutely if she predeceased him?

That way you wouldn’t have to remember to change it if your ex died, people have a depressing low rate of updating their wills. A lot of litigation arises from the need to fix problems arising from this.. ​

Alternatively think about leaving everything to a trust (or two trusts). A trust would provide a firewall protecting the assets from personal financial disasters or mismanagement of any of the children or a trading company, and two trusts (one for the home and one for the business) would enhance this..

Trustees would ideally be at least one independent trustee (your lawyer or their trustee company?) and your wife, you (you are unlikely to both die at the same time), and another family member such as a sibling of yours etc in case you do. Having your sons as trustees would be likely to generate trustee conflict..

Perhaps more relevant to the main question, I think your son’s problem is that you haven’t even from what your post says divided your estate in equal 1/3 shares, even if his share is ring-fenced by a trust. You seem to have left the two most important family assets to your two sons from your current marriage absolutely.

Your son’s reaction is uncalled for but his hurt is understandable.. ​I expect that this is going to blight your and your wife’s relationship with him for some time unfortunately,

and I personally wouldn’t re-write your will to simply equal thirds because it doesn’t deal with the real problem you anticipate, and its not going to mollify him anyway.. ​ Speak to a good estate planning lawyer, plan strategically, and don’t react impulsively.. ​. Good luck OP.

GetTheLedPaintOut −  Honestly you can do whatever you want with your company and your money, but he has every right to be devastated by this. Think about it from his POV. He clearly already feels like an outsider, and this will is just a giant sign that says “I DON’T TRUST YOU”. And why don’t you trust him?

Because he is close with his mother (a woman you chose, not him)? You said it yourself if she dies he gets as much as the other two. You are punishing him for having a living mother.

I can’t tell you what to do with the legal side of this, but some joint therapy seems like one of the only places where this can be worked out. You are already his father AND his boss, so the power dynamics are all sorts of problematic here. Get a pro involved.

BigBigCheddar −  This is a terribly complicated family situation. Imagine the view from his side. If my father dies, an already horrible situation, then I become an employee to his wife and my brothers. No matter what the contract/will states, he will be a subordinate.

He will be all of their employee. His primary perhaps only source of income, their decision. Will he get a raise or security when he wants to start his own family? Well that’s their decision. If he decides to leave and find a job on his own, his work history is based upon their word. That’s what would terrify me. He’s lost a major point of security, in a financial and parental sense.

mozzboi −  I’ve read all of of your replies and I have to say, it appears that you may have been the toxic one in this relationship. It turns out the physical confrontation was initiated by your other two sons whilst the only thing you eldest son did was throw the papers and a picture. As u/ceejaywil said:

He threw a photo and some papers? Your other sons initiated the physical confrontation? You made it sound like your oldest son was an out of control monster. You really manipulated the story in the OP to spin a negative view of your son. Your ex-wife is sounding more and more right about you. You will never get this relationship back.

You’re trying way too hard to make the ex-wife to be the boogeyman. But the amount of damage and carnage that my ex wife has done and still occasionally does swayed me. She manipulates our son still and I was worried what she’d pull.

Your punishing your son for the actions that his mother **might** take which **might** influence your son. You chose his mother, he didn’t.
Secondly, In one of your replies you stated But his accusations have now made it so much more difficult. My wife and kids are so hurt. So am I. He’s my son. And he thinks that way about me and family he has grown up with.

Let’s take a look at your phrasing OP, “My wife and kids” not “My wife and his brothers”. “The family he’s grown up with” and not “his family”. This may seem subtle to many people but to me it hows that he really was an outsider to your new family.. My wife and kids are so hurt.

Are you sure you’re writing this post because your son or just because your wife and son are hurt.. Thirdly, it will escalate and i know our lives and business will get ruined if my ex wife goads my son into becoming more vocal about the accusations. again comes the ‘if’.

To me it just became clear now. You hold resentment for your ex-wife which you took out on your son. You thought if you gave your son your inheritance the ex-wife may, in some way profit off that and you couldn’t bear to watch that happen especially after she took away everything in the divorce.

So you made sure that your son wouldn’t get anything and in turn your ex. Personally I don’t think you’re r**ist I just think you hold a grudge so bad against your ex you were willing to sacrifice your son for it.

P.S. You’ve said many times that your wife might influence your son/has influence over your son. I’m wondering what are you afraid of? What do you think he would’ve done with the money under the influence of mom that would’ve been so detrimental to you.

[Reddit User] −  I honestly think this is a blessing in disguise that he found out before you passed away. Jesus christ imagine learning about this when your parents are gone. It would destroy me for a very long time

yournanna −  As someone whose parents have divorced and has 2 half siblings through one of the parents, this would absolutley crush me. For me it wouldn’t be about the money, or what ever assets you did or did not leave me. It would be about the fact that you don’t love me as much as your new kids.

I think that is one of the worst fears kids with divorced parents have. And there you go, you just confirmed it. Honestly, I don’t think you can come back from this. What were you even thinking when you drafted that will? All of your sons work there yet only 2 get the Company?

He will never forget this, he’ll remember that you didn’t Think he was as worthy as your other kids. Reading this post made me very sad and I honestly feel bad for your son, he probably feels like s**t and regrets ever being born.

stellastellamaris −  ALL THREE of your sons work for the company, yet two of them split the company and the home/assets. Not cool. His reaction was also not cool. No one likes to think they’re second-best.

My ex-wife still has a lot of influence over my son and at the suggestion of our lawyer, we created the will this way so she couldn’t interfere in the company and home. A good lawyer would have set up conditions on a three-way split that would require the other stakeholders’ approval before he could do anything they disagreed with (and vice versa). Not cut him out entirely.

My oldest son saw our will and is **understandably upset**. But now he is accusing us of racism and **refusing to hear my side even after I have tried to fix it**. You only “tried to fix it” after he got upset.

To him, you are locking the barn doors after the horses have bolted – it’s too little, too late. MAYBE ask if he would come to a mediator to discuss with some guidelines etc. Good luck with that.

relabel −  My mom married when I was 7 (real father was never in the picture), my half sister was born when I was 10. Shortly after my mom told me she was having a baby I was going through a filing cabinet and found their will. It stated that 100% of everything would go to only children produced by him in their marriage.

Even at 10 I understood what this meant and was outraged. I never told them I found that will but from that day on my relationship with him was ruined. No trust, no respect…I was an angry kid but what made it worse was after he had HIS kid it seemed he didn’t care about me at all. Literally treated like the red-headed stepchild.

Around 23 him and my mom had marital problems and he sat me down and apologized for how he treated me but the damage was done and now we are cordial but I’ll never see him as my father.

Sadly, I was rooting for her to leave him (even though the problems were her fault) and am still disappointed she didn’t. Pain like this goes deep to the core and I don’t see how you will ever repair this relationship, OP.

How would you address a situation where misunderstandings about sensitive topics like inheritance damage family relationships? Could transparent communication have prevented this, or was this conflict inevitable given the circumstances? Share your thoughts below!