My sister thinks I’m not considering her feelings’ while proposing? (26f) (28f) – UPDATE

A Redditor shared her experience of proposing to her boyfriend, despite her sister’s dramatic objections about overshadowing her own feelings. The proposal was perfect, and the couple is now happily engaged.

However, family tensions have escalated, with the sister making spiteful remarks and the parents pressuring her to reconcile. Read the original story and its heartwarming conclusion below.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/rTMFe

‘ My sister thinks I’m not considering her feelings’ while proposing? (26f) (28f) – UPDATE’

Thank you for your responses. Many people wanted an update so here it is. After that incident, my sister called me 2 days later asking if I’ve finally realised how insensitive I’ve been to her and she wants me to apologize. Yeah exactly.

I told her yes, she’s my family and I love her but she can’t expect everyone to work according to her feelings. I didn’t tell her if I was still going ahead with the plan because honestly I was afraid she’d try to ruin it or smn. I hung up and refused to answer when she called.

I took the advice and refused to share any details with my parents and her (they called the same day asking me to care for her sister’s feelings as well). I wasn’t expecting much from my parents anyway. They just want us at peace and don’t really care much.
Now onto the proposal.

We were visiting a friend in our hometown who just had a baby and stayed there overnight. Went to the beach and….well I proposed. It went exactly how I wanted it to be. We were walking, I then got on one knee and started my speech about how I love him and etc etc.

I kid you not, I wasn’t even 30 seconds in when he hugged me and got emotional. It was so beautiful. I couldn’t stop smiling. He was so happy with the ring I selected! We said some sweet words, got all emotional. It was perfect. He also said how he loved that it happened at the beach!!! So yes my sister can go s**ew herself.

We then went out to dinner and he couldn’t stop smiling. Even told the waitress “My girlfriend just proposed to me, I’m engaged!” So yeah, whatever doubt I had about him not liking being proposed to, vanished. We had a great night.

Later when we were about to sleep, I still did ask him if he really was ok with me proposing because of how upset he was about the ring. He told me he was upset because he felt like he was letting me down by not getting a ring and instead helping his mom (she’s doing good btw) And he still says he wants a ring on my finger soon.

We talked stuff out and we’re good. I couldn’t have asked for a better day. Now the original plan was to go visit my parents after we’re done visiting our friends. But I wasn’t sure because of the whole thing with my sister. So I called my parents and told them I’m engaged.

They did congratulate us but were not happy because I haven’t been answering their calls. I asked them if those were calls to make me change my mind about the proposal and they said yes. I told them it obviously wasn’t happening. Asked them if they still wanted me to visit them and they said yes.

My sister then called saying she can’t believe how petty and immature I’m being. And how I just had to got ahead and ruin her day!? ( I didn’t even mention the engagement to her, my mom did )

I told her the same thing again. Whatever happened to her wasn’t my problem and I won’t be changing my plans because of her inability to deal with her emotions. She then said “congratulations on your engagement, don’t worry it won’t last.” I hung up.

So it’s safe to say we won’t be talking for the foreseeable future. We didn’t visit our parents and spent the next day with our friends as well and then left. My parents don’t blame me but want me to “fix” this because “you know how your sister is”.

I’m done with her though. I was guilty only because I actually felt like I was hurting her but she had no problem talking s**t about my boyfriend and my engagement. But well, I have a FIANCÉ!!. Have a good day.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  “you know how your sister is”. I wonder why she is this way, if her own parents just roll over to let her tantrums rule their family relationships.

_somazingg −  This is such a beautiful update. Congratulations!

silver_fawn −  Wait, how is that beach even still open? It should have just been completely closed up and shut down after someone got their feelings hurt there once. /s. Congrats on your engagement, and your family sucks.

PerkyLurkey −  “This is how your sister is”. My response would be. “And this is how I am, my sister and I are equals, she’s not better or more important than I am”

LitherLily −  Congratulations, this was the sweetest read. Please just ignore your sister. She is so jealous you found true love and no one even *likes* her. (We have the same sister! I have a lot of experience with this.)

[Reddit User] −  I wonder whether she’s jealous because you’re younger than her and you’re getting married. Some people seem to feel aggrieved if someone younger (especially a sibling) reaches a milestone life event before them.

Think twice before inviting her to the wedding if she’s not apologised and taken responsibility for her s**tty behaviour. Congratulations on your engagement, this was a really cute update xxx

Enfors −  My parents don’t blame me but want me to “fix” this because “you know how your sister is”. “No, I won’t fix this. That’s just how I am. I expect the same leniency from you on this topic you’ve shown my sister.”

Suspicious-Height588 −  Good for you. And congratulations on the engagement.

Thecardinal74 −  My parents don’t blame me but want me to “fix” this because “you know how your sister is”. “Well, sadly you don’t seem to know or care about how *I* am. It’s not in me to fix, it’s on her to fix this and apologize if she wishes to attend the wedding.”. Congrats 🙂

theoldman-1313 −  A happy update! I saw your first post and am very glad that you did not let your family b**ly you out of your dream proposal. Now keep that same attitude about the actual wedding.

I think that for now you would probably be ok inviting your sister as a guest, but she is just going to be a nightmare if you include her in the bridal party. Don’t include her in any of the wedding planning. She will just be a negative voice about every decision.

Your parents are going to keep her informed, so prepare yourself for the inevitable stream of comments from her. If your parents complain about excluding her, use their own logic – “You know how my sister is”. They use that as an excuse to placate her, but it also works quite nicely as a reason to sideline her.

Although your post did not mention any past history of your sister sabotaging your life, it would be probably be prudent to take a few simple precautions. Password protect all your vendors. Do not let your sister handle any of the preparations or celebrations. Keep your dress someplace safe where your sister does not have access.

Ask a close friend to guard the cake the day of. Watch out for “accidental” wine spills. These are the most common targets of jealous relatives / friends. Come up with plausible reasons for all these precautions and repeat them to yourself until they become second nature.

For example, leave the dress with the MOH or one of the bridal party to bring to the wedding. Tell your sister and parents that family should be enjoying the events, not working them. And just have a general policy that people with food and drinks should not be around your dress.

And the passwords don’t need to be mentioned at all. If your parents or sister do ask you about them, then you will know that they tried to contact your vendors without your knowledge.

If your sister’s behavior escalates, you may need to uninvite her from the wedding. This may also cause your parents to not attend, so prepare yourself emotionally if it becomes necessary.