My sister (17f) is weird about my (20f) relationship with my younger brother (14m)

A 20-year-old woman is close with her younger brother, enjoying activities like video games, movies, and sports. However, her sister (17) feels left out and believes she doesn’t spend enough time with her. The woman is trying to figure out how to make her sister feel more included without making it obvious that she knows about her sister’s complaint. Read her story below.

‘ My sister (17f) is weird about my (20f) relationship with my younger brother (14m)’

My brother and I hang out a lot. We are both very into playing video games, sports, and movies. We play smash together, we go to the movies about once a month, and once in a while he stays over at my house to play video games and watch TV with me. My sister and I aren’t as close. She is more into makeup, and isn’t interested in video games much if at all. She also works as a waitress when she isn’t at school, typically 6-8 hours a day on the weekends.

I still love her just as much as my brother, I just don’t think we have many common interests at this point in our lives, and our availability doesn’t match up much. I found out from my mom today that the last time I hung out with my brother, she told my parents that she feels like I don’t like her because I don’t spend as much time with her as I do with my brother.

How can I make her feel more included in what my brother and I are doing, without making it too obvious that I know what she told my parents? Or should I just take her to lunch one day and tell her I know what she told them, and that she is always welcome to hang out with me?

TLDR: Sister is feeling left out because my brother and I hang out often and she doesn’t/isn’t able to join. How do I make it clear to her she is welcome to hang out with me/us any time?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

JustAsICanBeSoCruel −  It’s just easier for you to bond with your little bro because you guys share so many interests – if you are interested in building a stronger relationship with your lil sis, maybe try doing something she likes once in a while….or just take her someone to walk and talk, and when you think you can slip in that you’d love to see her over at your place more often, and that she’s more than welcome – she’s invited, if that’s what she needs to hear! – to come over.

caused_a_sparky −  I think you, as the eldest sibling, have a lot more power here than you think you do. You can initiate and foster strong relationships between you and each of your siblings – and between your siblings, too. People are advising you to do more group activities with both of them together. And advising you to spend more one-on-one time with your sister. You should try to do both. Saying you don’t have much in common and are busy are cop-outs. You can make time. And you can invent common interests.

For group activities, try new things together, take your little brother out of his comfort zone and do something other than games and movies. If you do activities that are new to all of you, then you’ll be on more equal footing. Don’t pick something only he likes or only she likes. Do something crazy that none of you like, haha.

For activities with her, come up with ideas to take her out and to do at home (similar to the movie theater and games and tv at home, like you do for your brother). For going out, it can be as simple as taking her to lunch, or taking her to a live show (music, or live theater maybe? She likes makeup, maybe she likes costumes and drama and people? idk, ask her).

For staying in, if she likes makeup, it sounds like she might be creative and/or crafty. Ask her if she wants to do a jigsaw puzzle, or bake cookies, or learn to knit, or make jewelry. Stay off the screens and try to find something that you’re mildly interested in that she also likes.

-JustAnotherSomeone- −  Maybe you could find an activity you will both (or all three of you) enjoy, like roller skating or hiking. The more you hang out together, the easier it will be to find more things you have in common. Letting sis do your makeup or give you a makeover might be really fun even if you aren’t into makeup and all that.

Annichii −  You could try and ask for her help with something shes interested in. For example you could tell her you need advice finding make up for you or a gift for someone else and go shopping with her and spend some time together.

gorgeouswvr −  You don’t need to reveal that you know what she spoke to your parents about… while I think it was important your parents told you so you can fix it, it might deter your sister from going to them about problems in the future. It’s okay that you’re closer to one sibling than the other, it happens. But I’m sure there’s common ground you could find with your sister too. Maybe include her in the movie dates sometimes if you can all agree on something to see, or set time aside for a monthly dinner/lunch with your sister.

You say she’s not into video games but gaming is a very wide spectrum — maybe she wouldn’t enjoy, say, the Xbox… but she’d love a fun match with you on something like the Wii, etc. Plus there’s lots of fun activities that the three of you could try together, especially with Christmas approaching (since there tends to be things like Christmas markets, ice-skating, other holiday events, etc).

Outside of that you could also do fun sporty things that most people have the potential to enjoy even if they don’t consider themselves active and sporty, like the ice-skating, or wall/rock climbing, or swimming (my cousins and I go swimming but essentially we go just to p**s around in the pool and be silly rather than swim for exercise lol).

jacksbunne −  I mean, have you considered learning why she likes the interests she’s into? I’m definitely someone who enjoys a good video game, but makeup is like wizardry to me. I don’t understand it at ALL and I’m super impressed by anyone who can do it. Maybe try branching out and validating what she’s into even if it’s not your usual interests. It means a lot to have your sister appreciate you on that level. My sister is 110% different than me and I still feel kind of alienated from her even when she reaches out because she has little to no appreciation for the things I enjoy.

Naishall −  You can take her out without talking about what she told to your parents. It’s easier spending time with your brother bc you guys like the same stuff, but what you can do is show interest with what your sister like. Maybe you guys find something in comon too.

Zafjaf −  My brother plays video games, I don’t. But I made an effort to play a few games with him. In turn he made an effort to see some movies with me. It’s about compromise. You make an effort to spend time with her and the rest will follow. On the other hand, I tried making an effort to spend time with my cousins but they don’t want to spend time with me. As such I feel I don’t have any kind of relationship with them.. You decide what you want.

joelandren −  You seem rather dismissive of your sister. Saying she’s “more into makeup” tells me that you haven’t really tried to understand the woman she’s becoming. Make an effort in understanding your sister and it should reap dividends.

xsymba −  It really sucks when your siblings are closer to each other than you, especially if she feels you make more of an effort with your brother than with her. I don’t have that much in common with one of my little sisters but we’re still close – I make sure text her regularly to catch up and make sure she knows I care about her. Even if you don’t have shared interests you can still ask about each other’s interests and do things together.