My pregnant wife is sad because I did not cry at our wedding but I cried at my sister’s wedding. AITAH?
A Redditor is grappling with a situation where their pregnant wife feels hurt because they didn’t cry at their wedding but did cry at their sister’s wedding. Despite their wife expressing how much it means to her, the user is confused, especially since they feel deeply in love with her and cherish their marriage.
The situation has left the user wondering if they are at fault or if their wife’s emotional reaction is tied to pregnancy hormones. Read the full story below.
‘ My pregnant wife is sad because I did not cry at our wedding but I cried at my sister’s wedding. AITAH?’
My wife and I got married last year, and we had a really great wedding. We also had a really nice honeymoon, and so far, marrying my wife feels like heaven, and I cherish it every day. My wife is now 2 months pregnant with our first child and we are really excited about it.
Last month, my sister got married and asked me to walk her down the aisle and give her away (we are no contact with our father). It was a really nice wedding, and I also got sort of emotional because my sister has been through so much in life, and I was really happy she was marrying such a nice and caring man.
I held my tears in when walking her down the aisle, but I couldn’t really control my tears when we danced, especially after I saw her crying (she did father-daughter dance with me). However, last week, my wife bought up something which really confused me.
She asked me why I hadn’t cried at our wedding, and why I cried at my sister’s wedding instead. She also mentioned it’s the first time she’s ever seen me cry, and it was for my sister. I heard my wife out, as I understand pregnancy hormones can be overwhelming sometimes, but I just didn’t understand why my wife was sad about it.
My wife also showed me our videos from our wedding day (we hired a videographer), and she said I wasn’t nearly as emotional there as I was on my sister’s wedding day. She showed me how she cried when I put the ring on her, but I didn’t reciprocate that. She said it looked like I was having fun, like at a party.
We talked about this over the past week, and most of the times, I was at a loss for words. Last night, my wife cried really badly, and I felt really bad, so I apologized, because I just wanted her to feel better. I don’t really know what I apologized for. However, a couple of hours later when I was consoling her,
my wife again mentioned how I didn’t cry even though I saw her crying like that. She mentioned how’s she cried for me hundreds of times and it really hurts her that I can’t cry for her ever once, but I can cry for my sister. AITAH? I don’t really know what to make of all this, I don’t think I’m an AH, but maybe I am.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
wilmaismyhomegirl83 − I can understand you cried at your sister’s wedding, because you stepped in to walk her down the aisle, and you are bonded for life and understand what she’s been through. I can understand you didn’t cry at your wedding, because it was a happy day for you and you were having fun.
Did you ask your wife why she cried? What brought on that emotion during the rings? Yes she’s a few months pregnant, but she’s been holding this in and now thinks it’s the time to bring it up. Does she get along with your sister?
Dry_Peace_135 − I feel like a lot of people in the comments are misunderstanding your wife by calling her ridiculous or saying she wanted you to express emotions exactly how she wanted you to. I genuinely don’t believe that.
I think it’s more that she feels insecure and may need reassurance that your wedding day was a more important and emotionally fulfilling day for you. She might be equating your tears at your sister’s wedding with you feeling more emotionally touched and happy on that day than you were on your own wedding day.
I believe she just needs reassurance that your tears aren’t a direct reflection of how important she is to you. It’s important to consider that, for many people, being able to cry in front of or for someone feels special. It shows vulnerability and emotional intimacy, as it requires trust to allow your partner to see you in that state.
She might feel sad thinking you never allowed yourself to be that vulnerable around her, even if she has done so with you. At least, that’s my take on it. I could be wrong, but I don’t believe your wife is as evil or ridiculous as some people are making her out to be.
Her emotions are likely amplified by hormones, which can make her feelings seem more intense or irrational. But at its core, I believe she just wants reassurance that your wedding was one of the happiest days of your life and that you trust her enough to be vulnerable with her.
It’s possible that your emotions at your sister’s wedding were mixed with sadness and relief, whereas your wedding day may have been pure happiness — and that difference in emotional expression could be what she’s reflecting on.
mahakaal0001 − Tell her :In our marriage you were coming home so I was happy. In my sisters marriage she was going home so I was sad. NTA
Cocoasneeze − NAH **”She also mentioned it’s the first time she’s ever seen me cry”** I think that’s the centre of the whole issue. I’m assuming you and your wife have been together for many years, and she’s NEVER seen you cry.
Why’s that? But then the first time she sees you cry, a lot, is at your sister’s wedding. Maybe your wife is at loss here, it just might be that you’re not big on expressing your feelings TO YOUR WIFE.
JimInAuburn11 − Not that unusual. I get way more emotional when it is dealing with other people than when I am dealing with it myself.
Rich-Ad-4654 − So first up, NTA but here’s another point of view. My bestie and I often see these insta reels of grooms getting all emosh about their women walking down the aisle to them. We’ll send them to each other and say “[husband] would never”. It’s become a bit of a running joke. We love our men and wouldn’t trade them for the world.
I am a pretty pragmatic woman who’s been with my husband for 20yrs, married 15 and I have to say there are times where I wonder why hubs didn’t show more emotion on our wedding day. From whatever mental excavation I’ve done (which is admittedly limited before the ADHD kicks back in) I can only surmise that deep down,
I want my husband to adore me and be so overcome with his feelings for me that he can’t help but break free of whatever societal expectations that “men don’t cry”, and I want him to lose it at the sight of me.
Is it irrational and ridiculous (as another commenter stated)? Yeah, probably. But everyone wants to know that they mean the most to their partner. Your wife potentially is reacting to pregnancy hormones but I’d also be careful stating that.
Folks have made a mockery of pregnant women over the ages, dismissing real feelings as being “hormonal”. She can be both right in her feelings AND pregnant at the same time.
If her relationship with your sister isn’t super strong, then she could be applying some “filters” to the visuals of you crying so much at your sister’s wedding and not your own.. She could just be pregnant. Or she could need you to wrap her up a little and show her how much she means to you.
tookmetoolongto__ − Just curious, which event was a more emotionally touching/fulfilling moment for you: your wedding, or your sister’s wedding?
Xx_Ruby_X − NAH. Your wife’s feelings are valid she likely just wants to feel equally cherished but you’re not wrong for showing emotions differently. Reassure her how much you love and value her, especially during this emotional time.😉
Killacranberrigirl − This is no help to you, but this reminds me of a bit that Taylor Tomlinson did about what she would do if she was walking down the aisle.
Look here if, I am wearing meat flavored pantries for you. I didn’t want to, but I did it for you. Now we are going to try this again and if you don’t do it right, I will make the rest of your life a living hell.
pistachio-pie − “She said it looked like I was having fun, like at a party” “Yeah. I was. The most fun party ever because I got to marry *you*. I couldn’t be anything but joyful.”
(I’m a crier. I cry at trailers and ads and picture of cute old couples holding hands. But not everyone is and not everyone shows the same emotion at these types of very different events.)
Do you think the user’s reaction to his wife’s emotional distress was justified, or do you feel that he missed an important emotional cue during their wedding? How do you interpret the emotional divide here—does it reflect deeper relationship dynamics, or is it simply a matter of emotional expression? Share your thoughts below!