My parents chose their new families over me so I moved in with my aunt. Now they want back in. But I hate them

A Reddit user shared their story about moving in with their aunt after feeling abandoned by their divorced parents, who started new families. The user explains how their parents prioritized their new spouses and children, leaving them feeling neglected and unloved. When the user left to live with their aunt, their parents initially showed little interest but have recently started trying to reconcile.

Despite their attempts, the user feels resentment and questions whether cutting them out completely is the right decision. Read on for more details about the family dynamics and the difficult choices they face.

‘ My parents chose their new families over me so I moved in with my aunt. Now they want back in. But I hate them’

So I 16. Moved in with my aunt at 15 because my parents remarried and had new families. My father married his mistress who allready had a son and now they have a baby daughter. My mom remarried my step dad and they had my half sister.

After all that I became a secondary character in their life and they looked forward to ship me off to the other home so they could pretend that I didn’t exist and play happy family. After a year I became fed up and started sleeping over more and more at other houses and when home I would never interact with anyone.

Both my parents took that as a rebellious phase and would fight with me all the time. I wasn’t a bad kid or a trouble make but soon I was labeled as the black sheep of the family. Every interaction with my parents became a lecture about my attitude problem and how well the other kids behaved. I was just so fed up that I packedy s**t and disappeared for a few days.

I took a bus and went MIA for 4 days. Ofcourse the police was called and when I appeared again I hit another lecture. We got in a screaming match were they called me a disappointment and I told them I hated them. I called my aunt crying and she came to fetch me. In the car I could hear how she was tearing my parents a new one.

Neither of them tried to convince me of coming back home. We informed the respective authorities about my changed living condition and my aunt is my current guardian. My parents ways half assed our contact. Appearing only when it was convinient sometimes giving me money etc. Recently they tried to build more contact up but I was not interested.

I won a story writing contest and didn’t tell them nor did I invite them to the celebration. And on the website where you can read my story the thanks goes to my aunt for loving me unconditionally. I didn’t invite my parents to my sweet 16 party. Basically I have cut them out of my life. I am not interested in their life’s or families or anything.

Mom tried to meet up for my birthday but we didn’t. She got upset and called me crying and….. I just didn’t care. It was like listening to a TV character cry. It wasn’t important she isn’t important to me anymore. Dad called me and said he was worried about me and how my reaction is not healthy and again I didn’t care.

As far as I am concerned my aunt is my only parent. She encourages that I build up my relationship to my parents again but doesn’t force me. Anyway yesterday my parents pulled me out of school and invited me to eat at our old favorite place. Mom had tears in her eyes and even dad seemed hurt.

They tried apologizing for their behavior and pleaded with me to come back and I just said no and left. I still resent them for choosing a new life over me. But I don’t know if I am being a pretty a**hole or what to do now. I don’t want them in my life but would I be making the right choice? “idk

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Inub0214 −  Your aunt is the real mvp. In terms of forgiving your parents, it’s a decision wholly to yourself with your aunt’s advice. Trust her advice more than the decisions of strangers on the internet who do not know the intricacies of this situation. You are 16, trials like these are a part of developing into adulthood. I’m sorry you have to go through an extreme version of this.

[Reddit User] −  My compliments to your aunt.

farmchic5038 −  When I was training to work with foster children I learned something that has always stuck with me because it generally rings true- children love their parents even when the parents don’t really deserve it. I say this because your mom and dad will probably always hold some power over you and make you feel complicated emotions of guilt and love and sadness and happiness.

This is all ok and normal. But you must prioritize taking care of yourself first and your own mental health. Hold tightly to your relationship with your aunt who gives you love and safety because that is the most genuine parent you have. Some days you will feel up to seeing your mom and dad, so see them on your terms and try and enjoy it.

Some days you will need space and rest, so silence your phone and take it. Consider therapy to process it all and have a hug from this internet mom. Navigating this relationship is a hard part of adult life but you can do it.

CrankyWife −  Stay with your aunt. I suspect your parents are looking at you as a free babysitter.

WannaPo −  I strongly suggest seeing a therapist if that’s a viable option for you. You’ve suffered emotional trauma from your parents and I think it would benefit you to explore that with a professional in a safe environment. Once you’ve had the chance to really explore those feelings then I think you will know for sure whether you ever want to have them be a part of your life again.

flaquitos −  I grew up in a similar situation. When I was 14 my mother sent me to live at a few different places after my father was arrested until I settled into a group home. A few years later she sincerely apologized to me and I told her that I accepted her apology but deep down I didn’t. I was still resentful and I don’t know if I will ever truly forgive her for that.

She wanted to have a relationship with me when it was convenient. Holidays, special occasions, meet ups with extended family, she wanted me to be there but had no interest in being my mother. I assume that your parents are starting to feel the guilt during these occasions knowing their child is not with them because they don’t want to do what it takes to be a parent.

I did have a relationship with my mom after she apologized though, until she started treating my younger siblings like she treated me then I completely cut her out of my life. If it were not for that I would probably still be talking to her now. Although, the relationship with her was different then before.

There was a distance between us and I did prioritize other people who cared more about me over her in my life. I remember on Christmas I showed up for like an hour and then went off to spend the rest of it with my girlfriend and her family. My mother was upset but my girlfriend never treated me like my mother did even if it was years ago.

I hope that you wont find yourself in a similar situation and I do think that eventually, when you are ready, you will allow a relationship with your parents again but with boundaries and a distance you will set. If you need to talk to someone you can always PM me. I hope this helps.

TheMocking-Bird −  You can’t force forgiveness. And your obviously not an “a**hole” for resenting them for what they did. In time you **may** find it in your heart to forgive and reestablish contact, until then they have no right to expect forgiveness or anything of that sort. As far as I am concerned my aunt is my only parent.

She encourages that I build up my relationship to my parents again but doesn’t force me. Your Aunt’s approach is correct, and I can see why you value her so much. Your parents seem to be regretting their prior actions and treatment of you, remorse is good but it doesn’t change the past.

They aren’t obligated to have any sort of relationship with you, unless you deem them fit to have one. The moment they gave you away to your aunt, was the moment they lost any right to claim you as their kid. Who the f**k discards a kid due to a divorce and remarrying?? I’m sorry OP, glad you found someone who cared enough to raise you like an actually parent.

frew74 −  You’re not an a**hole at all. Stay with your aunt, work hard and become successful. Don’t look back. I would suggest talking to a therapist to work through your anger, not for your bio parents, but for your wellbeing. Good luck!

wotsname123 −  You experienced a massive betrayal and now those betrayers just want you to forget about it. Apologies are all very well but unless it comes with changed behaviour then they are pretty worthless. I think you need to be thinking about what kind of path they would need to take to get back into your life. It certainly isn’t ‘one meal, one apology and <magic like it never happened’.

Draigdwi −  They want you to come back now when they have the little kids? They want a free live in baby sitter! Maybe a bit also to look better in their friends’ and neighbors’ eyes too because there most likely is some gossip going around how they drove their first kid out of home.

If you go back they will be irritated by your existence again. You are in a good loving place with your aunt, no need to upset that. Edit: if you want to forgive and have them in your life do it after you are independent! Over 18 and working.

Do you think the user is justified in maintaining their distance, or should they give their parents a chance to rebuild their relationship? How would you handle a situation where family bonds are tested by feelings of betrayal and neglect? Share your thoughts below and join the discussion!