My older sister [29F] got drunk and flirted with my crush [24M], then confessed my [27F] feelings without me asking. Why do I feel like s**t?

A Reddit user shared how her older sister drunkenly flirted with her crush and then confessed the user’s feelings to him without consent. This left the user feeling hurt, embarrassed, and unsure how to proceed with either her sister or her crush.

The incident brought up insecurities, past frustrations, and concerns about her relationship with both her sister and her crush, Derek. While Derek was kind and understanding in his response, the user feels rejected and struggles to navigate the tension at home and her feelings moving forward.

‘ My older sister [29F] got drunk and flirted with my crush [24M], then confessed my [27F] feelings without me asking. Why do I feel like s**t?’

I’ve been falling hard for this dude (“Derek”) for the past 6 months or so. My sister, “Jane” and I are very close so I’ve been talking to her about him a lot. Last night, Derek invited us out to hang. My sister said she would come along and “wingman” for me and maybe I could finally ask him out.

She ended up getting super drunk and flirting hard – lots of giggling, physical contact, etc. On the ride home, I told Jane I felt jealous since she knew about my crush and she went super hard on the flirting, and I guess I had expectations for what “wingmaning” meant and it wasn’t… this. I ended up going to bed kinda annoyed since it was late and said we should talk more tomorrow.

Jane then messages him that night and explains that she’s sorry for getting drunk and flirting, and that she really likes him but wants to step back for respect of someone’s feelings. He asks who, and she says it’s me. He’s pretty cool about it and says that she should talk to me about it. So she tells me this this morning and honestly I feel like s**t.

I wanted to tell him on my own terms (and also wanted to give him space since he just recently broke up) but now I feel like she just went ahead and did everything. She wants forgiveness since she got drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly, but honestly, this isn’t the first time that’s happened (her last two relationships were people I confided in her that I really liked, but she says she doesn’t remember me saying anything now).

She’s always been the more attractive one so I definitely have some insecurity around this. I’ve been working with a therapist to address my insecurity and other issues but it’s slow going. I guess I’m also feeling s**tty because I think I got softly rejected from the dude I liked, so that’s probably a factor.

How do I moved forward with Jane and Derek? I live with Jane and things have been tense ever since. Derek sent me some kind messages but I’m feeling extremely embarrassed, though I would hate to lose him as a friend over this, I have no idea how to proceed right now.

See what others had to share with OP:

Grim_Truths_With_Luv −  Damn. For almost 30, she knows how to be 14. If she is generally a good sister, and made this one mistake, that is what forgiveness was invented for, right?
EDIT (Oops, just noticed this: “She wants forgiveness …, but honestly, this isn’t the first time that’s happened (her last two relationships were people I confided in her that I really liked, …).”

Might be time to stop confiding anything in sis or letting her hang with any boyfriends you get. She is not trustworthy. As for him, I would just push right on forward. Call him up tonight, and make light of it, “So, my boozy sister spilled the beans: I am into you. Want to go to dinner and a movie with me?”

Don’t wait, because you will lose your nerve. Worst case result is he says, “Thanks, but no.” Then you can move on and know you did your best to see if something was there with him. Best case? You marry him after a wonderful courtship and find the love of your life.

austin_is_full −  You have every right to be upset with your sister. That wasn’t wingmanning at all, it was poaching your love interest, something it sounds like she has a history of doing. Your feelings also absolutely were not hers to disclose. Getting drunk is a poor excuse – she’s 29, not 21.

In your shoes, I wouldn’t trust my sister with information about my crushes or relationships in the future. Derek may not be into you or may be also feeling awkward about your sister’s behavior. I think the best you can do at this point is say something like “welp, the gig is up I guess, I’m into you and would totally date you if you were interested. Otherwise I hope this isn’t too awkward and we can still hang out as friends.”

javanator999 −  You know, knowing that your sister likes to get with people you have a crush on, I’d be tempted to play a prank. Pick some guy that is definitely disgusting and start hinting to your sister than you like him. See if she will bang him to one up you. Then tell her he’s disgusting. Hilarity ensues.